


Old Habits Die Hard

by 11ThisIsMe04



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:18:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 52,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5209058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11ThisIsMe04/pseuds/11ThisIsMe04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your eyes were prancing back and forth at the small figure across the room. It was nothing special really. But the look that your friend kept giving you was making you uncomfortable and you knew that she can't contain her curiosity. </p><p>"How long has it been?" </p><p>Breaking your eyes at the small figure that was now making a move, you looked out at the window instead. You couldn't help it, you couldn't help but let out a small sigh because it was something that you used to feel annoyed or rather mad when talked about. But then you thought it's been a long time maybe it wouldn't be that bad just answering one simple question.</p><p>"2 years." </p><p>Or: Lexa's in love with Clarke. Clarke was in love with Lexa. Everybody could see it except for them. But they drifted apart and was soon then reunited again. Filled with memory lanes and personal thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Part Where They Meet Again

Your eyes were prancing back and forth at the small figure across the room. It was nothing special really. But the look that your friend kept giving you was making you uncomfortable and you knew that she can't contain her curiosity. 

"How long has it been?" 

Breaking your eyes at the small figure that was now making a move, you looked out at the window instead. You couldn't help it, you couldn't help but let out a small sigh because it was something that you used to feel annoyed or rather mad when talked about. But then you thought it's been a long time maybe it wouldn't be that bad just answering one simple question.

"2 years." 

Downward whistle pierced through the already jam packed cafe that you like to go... or maybe you loved to go. It was nothing serious its just a  _normal_  place where you used to hangout every single day after classes.

They have an amazing matcha green tea latte that you love to sip. 

It was just a  _normal_ place where you used to go with the small figure that was now fast approaching your booth. 

"Hey Clarke." 

Your hands involuntarily twitched by the sound, you refrained to look up and give your friend a look. Because once again she made an action that she surely knows makes you hella annoyed. 

"Hey Raven!" 

Your lips quivered at how chirpy and lively she still was. Like she had never changed at all. So to be friendly and not to appear 'grumpy' or 'gloomy', you decided to look up and face the figure that had been haunting your dreams day or night. 

"Hey Clarke," your voice appeared small but with a cleared throat and a small smile you hoped it didn't appeared so. 

Those blue eyes were already at your line of vision waiting for you. You thought it wouldn't affect you that much anymore but here you are with a loud beating heart. 

"Hey Boo." 

_Boo._

Your stomach took a plunge. 

"See you guys around." And with a wide smile showcasing her perfectly white set of teeth. She waltzed away with her take away cup of morning coffee and out into the cold Polis street.

"Boo. She still calls you that."

"Yeah well, old habits die hard."

"Like how you still sip your tea with  _two_ straws. Yup old habits die hard." emphasizing on the 'P'. 

The hard glare that you shot her didn't worked like it used to. It only brought nothing but a loud unlady like laughter that attracted early morning patrons with a scowl on their faces. 

"It's gonna be fine, Lexa. It's not like you're still in love with her, right?" 

_'It's not like you're still in love with her, right?'_

Those were the exact words goes along with  _'you're not in love with her, you're not in love with your best friend, you're not in love with Clarke Griffin, period!'_ But you knew deep inside it was a lie. 

"Of course not."

_**///// 6 years ago /////** _

"Hey Lex! Wait up!" 

Lexa turned around and found Clarke bouncing up to her. 

"Hey, what's up?" 

"Can you accompany me? I had to buy a dress for this ball that my mom kept bugging me to go to. I have to buy it  _tonight_." 

She couldn't help but make a scrunched face, "I'm not really a shopping person, Clarke. I think it's better to ask Raven or Octavia about that." 

"Oh come on, Lex. It'll be fun! We're just a bus away to the mall. It'll be quick I swear." 

Clarke raised her hand in the air like a scouts person and even before Lexa could utter a word she was already whisked away out of the school gates.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

"How does this look?" 

Clarke made a cat walk and twirled around in a knee length black dress that perfectly flaunt her curvy figure. Lexa gulped and nodded. The blonde shot her a look. 

"That's what you've been giving me for the past 5 dresses, Lex. Please help me choose one!" 

"They all looked good on you." 

Another dirty look was fired. 

"I swear, Clarke." she half shrugged. 

"Argh!" turning back around to her dressing room. 

"Told you should have brought Raven or Octavia instead." 

"I know! And I'm already regretting it." 

Clarke heard a soft chuckle and by instinct she shot her sneakers up in the air. 

"OUW!" 

Then she laughed hysterically, checking tediously if her lock inside the dressing was indeed lock. Cause she knew the girl would gone berserk in any seconds.

"CLARKE! You're freaking shoes just flew and hit me on the head!" 

She couldn't help it but pop her head out and stuck out her tongue.

"You're welcome." 

\\\\\\\\\\\

"What do you want?" 

"I'm buying my own, Clarke." 

"No, I'm buying just to say thanks for the company." 

There's no way she could argue with Clarke. She's that hard headed. 

"Fine." 

\\\\\\\\\\\

The silence that followed was awkward. They both knew it because most of the time it'll be Raven or Octavia fire up the conversation. Honestly, the three of them makes the conversation going but oddly enough Clarke was quiet and seemed to be fidgeting. 

"So how's the food?" 

"It's good. Thanks for the treat." 

"No problem. Thanks for accompanying me." 

Smiles were exchanged and then back again to the awkward silence. 

"Wait!" 

Lexa looked up and saw Clarke walking up to the counter and grabbing another straw. She raised an eyebrow in curiosity. 

"Here. Try it." 

"How can I sip with two straws? Isn't that much harder?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and said, "Just try it, Lex. It's pretty easy. You can sip more." She demonstrated by exaggeratedly sipped from her two straws and moaned.

Lexa gulped and furrowed her eyebrows. Looking down at her drink she was still skeptical. Clarke nodded with an obvious eyes of a child eagerly waiting for her. So she took a sip. Her eyes widened but subtly died down.

"It's alright," half shrugging.

Clarke smirked at her and chuckled.

"You love it." 

" _Again._ It's alright." 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\

"Shit. Shit. Shit." 

Lexa loves sports. She  _loooovvess_ it but what she hated the most was getting bloody mess. Just like right now.

"Lexa! Are you alright? Open your eyes." 

She squinted her eyes open but closed them again. She hated the sight of blood. She can't take it. 

"Oh god, your such a baby! It's just a small boo boo, Lexa." 

"Gee, thanks Clarke." 

Grimacing her head away. 

\\\\\\\\\\\

"For a sporty woman you sure hate blood." 

Lexa shot her a glare and puffed.

"I love sport, Clarke. Not blood that goes with it." 

"It's a  _small_ cut, Lexa." 

Clarke chuckled, while cleaning the small wound on Lexa's knee. 

"Easy for you to say. You're gonna be a doctor." 

"Psh! Such a child! I don't know how you survived every month knowing..." Her words trailed away as those green eyes shot at her with fire. 

"You take that back!" 

"Sorry but I will not, Boo!" 

_**///// Present /////** _

You knew you shouldn't have come but then the logical mind of yours kept insisting that it's just a once in a life time reunion of friends. It's been a year since you've seen them as an entire group. Plus it was only for the weekend and you'll be done for it. At least that's what Raven kept bombarding you with.

"Lexa! I swear to god if you don't open this god damn forsaken door. I will tear it down!" 

"I'm not going!" 

"The hell you are!" 

You heard the door knob rattled violently. You felt scared because the door frame might collapse any minute now. 

"You're breaking my door! Go away!" 

"Then get the hell out! Let's talk."

At one point you wanted to bounce out of bed and yanked open the door before your other housemates or more rather neighbors would call the cops for an intruder. But then you decided against it and yanked the cover over your head. 

The door knob rattled once more and immediately your body laid rigid and cold because you heard your door's very  _very_  familiar creaking sound when it swung open. You instantly jerked out of bed and watched the scowling Raven staring at you deadly.

"How did you.... It's lock... You..."

"Oh it's nothing. You've just happened to be messing around with an engineer," half-shrugging and still walking towards her with great vengeance. 

"Raven." She uttered carefully, trying to calm the girl down. "Calm down. Take a deep breath. We can talk this out." 

You're not liking what's about to get down. What you hated the most was a scowling Raven but what  _terrifies_ you the most was a heated and greatly aggravated Raven. 

"Lexa!" 

And right at that moment when the engineer that you so called "best friend" came sprinting towards you and was about to plunge on your rigid and stoned body, you started to remember all the times that you hated her guts. 

Because let's face it Raven have the  _guts_ and audacity to start something and get away with it. 

"Raven!" shielding your face from the incoming. 

The bed bounced hard at the impact but you felt nothing. Nothing but your legs being dragged out of bed violently. 

"Ouw!"

"Get out of bed you lazy bum!" 

"NO!" 

You were grabbing the headboard for your dear life as the other girl pulling your legs with so much strength. 

"I'm not going on this trip by myself, so you better get out of bed," your legs suddenly dropped onto the floor. You wondered why, so you turned around and saw Raven holding her phone out. 

" _You wouldn't dare!"_

"Try. Me." 

It was clear,  _crystal clear_  that the word 'Anya' was written all over her face and the last thing you wanna face right now was your sister breathing down your neck. 

"Okay! Okay! I'm coming!" 

A loud hearty laugh echoed in your room as you stomped into the bathroom for a quick shower. 

"Ready to go?"

You rolled your eyes, "I just got out of the shower, Rae. I haven't even packed my stuff yet." 

"All set and ready to go," patting on your old leather duffel bag that you had not seen nor used for the past 2 years. It  _was_ your favorite.

Shaking your head in great disgrace, you instantly had a strong feeling in the pit of your stomach that this weekend isn't gonna go well. 

"Trust me.  _It will go well."_ Raven uttered with a sly smile. 

/////

The group plan for that weekend was stay at the lake house that the Blake siblings inherited from their late parents. Have a group bonding and have fun. 

Raven's plan for the weekend was to get high, drunk and party all day and night.

Your plan for the weekend was to laze around the house in your pajamas watching movies, read a book and order in - let's be honest here your not much of a cook. 

But as it turns out fate has some funny ways of playing around with your life. 

"Don't be nervous. It's just for the weekend." 

"I'm not nervous," while patting down your clammy hands on your black skinny reaped jeans. 

You knew Raven's rolling her eyes right now with a huge cocky grin plastered on her face. Averting your vision out of the window you decided to watch the tall trees blurring past you as the car drove to your destination. In about half an hour, you will be inside the two storey cabin that faces the mountain and great vast lake. 

It's your favorite place to be but now it turned into 'was.'

"We're here." 

You looked up and saw how the place had never grew old. It was still the same old cabin with tendrils of plants crawling on its walls. The tall trees never changed. So did the swing set right outside the yard that stretches out onto the dock. The same blue boat was still there and it seemed people really did took care of the Blake's property after being vacated for the past 2 years. It's a summer house for the Blakes and they were always invited but ever since their parents died in a tragic accident couple of years back, it had been empty ever since. 

Until now. 

You heard a knock on the window, "Get out of the car, Heda. You can't escape now." 

Of course, there's no way of getting out of this isolated place. Trust her, she tried. 

Soon booming voices were ringing your ears and you smiled broadly because you've missed them. Every single one of them. Bellamy gave you a huge bear hug that he always did. Jasper grabbed your hand and kissed at the top of your palm. Monty gave a side-way hug and a boyish smile. It was all too familiar. You really did missed them. 

But there was always missing. 

"There they are!" 

And you turned around half expecting Octavia to burst through the door with a wide grin. But your were met with a blonde head grinning like there's no tomorrow. 

"CLARKE!!!" 

Everybody bellowed joyously. 

"I'm back!" 

You smiled and let the others ran past you and gave Clarke a huge and warm hugs. 

You felt a tug on her arm and found Raven pulling you in. You have to do what you have to do. 

"Hey Clarke," waving faintly. 

"Hey Boo," walking up to you, giving a tight hug. 

You were suddenly out of breath. You almost melted at the spot. So you gulped down and stepped back, giving much space. Hoping to die down the looks and smiles that was obviously directing at the both of you. 

"Well! Where the hell is Octavia? She's the last one." Raven clapped excitedly while giving you a knowing smile. 

"I'm right here, bitches!" 

The little girl with dark hair and green eyes stood by the door with arms in the air. You grinned and laughed because the entire crew almost stumbled backwards trying to have a group hug. So you thought, that maybe this weekend won't be that bad after all. 

_**//// 6 years ago ////** _

"Oh come on! It was one shot, how could you possibly pocketed 3 balls in a row?" 

Lexa hung her head back, laughing until her stomach hurts. 

"Sorry,  _Boo,"_ Raven uttered giving Lexa a side glance and then directing her eyes at the blonde who was obviously fuming, "I'm just that great." 

"Shut up and make the shot." 

They had been going on for the past hour arguing and bantering at how Raven always gets to win almost every round except for one when she said she's being 'lenient' that time round. It was the only round that Clarke won.

"It's so unfair! It was a close call!" 

Lexa snickered, "There's no way in winning with Raven, Clarke. You knew that." 

"I hate you for introducing Raven to me. I'm  used to be the best in everything!" 

Flinging her arms in the air exasperatedly. 

"You can't be good in everything, Clarke." 

"BOO! How dare you?! I'm Clarke  _Griffin!_ Have you  _not_ heard that name before?" 

Obviously, who haven't heard that name before. Her parents were legendaries. Her dad works for NASA making headlines with his discoveries and journals. While her mom is a doctor at Polis General Hospital and is the best surgeon in the country. Yupp, who doesn't know anything about the Griffins. 

"Right, of course. No wonder you have a big head. Does that ever get heavy, Clarke?" 

"No, Boo. No it doesn't." 

Rolling her eyes once more she couldn't help but ask another question. 

"Why do you keep calling me Boo? I have a name you know." 

Clarke grinned widely and proudly uttered in a little child like voice, "Because you're such a child when a little boo boo scraped our little Lexi's knees." 

She flared her nostrils because she indeed hated getting scrapes and wounds. She almost gagged by the sight of blood but still loves playing sports nevertheless. 

"Whatever. I  _hate_ you." 

She felt a heavy arm ringing around her neck and a faint peck on her head. 

"No you don't. I'm the bestest friend of all the best friends there is." 

Yupp, she doesn't and yes, she is the best. 

_**//// Present ////** _

"You alright back there,  _Boo?"_

Your eyes widened and shot Raven a dangerous look. 

"Don't you dare." you mouthed precariously knowing by the fact that your best friend will know your exact words from across the yard.

You sat down onto the swing set that you loved and pushed your feet against the balding grass. Smiling, the airy breeze brushed against you making your curls sway back and forth against your face. A giggle escaped your wide grinning lips as you swings hard making the metal chains creaked and whine from metal to metal. 

"Having fun?" 

Those hands tensed against the chains. You pretended not to hear the voice. The voice that you had been so familiar with. The voice that you kept and still trying to erase from the memory. 

"Boo." 

Gulping down, you slowed down the pace. You knew you can't escape now. Lowering those feet to the ground, the swing came to a halt. 

"Hey," you greeted back.

"Hey."

Clarke's smile grew wider but you didn't see that. You were busy looking at your feet. Busily thinking whether grass have feelings. Wondering if people steps on them they all cried out in pain. 

"I... I'll just head out with Raven. See you around," and now you were running away from her. 

====

You frowned as you watched Lexa jogging away from you. You knew its gonna hard to reunite with the girl that you used to call 'best friend.' You had no idea what happened between the two of you. But you knew one thing, you both started to drift apart. 

"Clarkey! Ready to hit the boat?" 

A cold hand on your shoulder brought you out of your thoughts, "yeah. Let's go." 

"Are you sure about this Clarke?" 

"Yes. I did it before and I can do it again." 

Octavia trudged across the yard, shaking her head, "Whatever you say, Clarke." 

Everybody was already on the yatch. The Blakes took the liberty to steal away the family yatch for the afternoon and spend the entire day laze around the lake. It was something that they used to do with their parents but now with them gone, it was just them 'kids.' 

"Bell, bring us further in the middle." 

"Aye aye captain!" Bellamy smirked, winking at Raven. 

The engine revved under their feet and one by one the gang emerged out of the shelter and sat down by the higher deck of the small yatch. The sunset was amazing and you couldn't take your eyes from it. 

"Hey Clarke! Look here," you propped her arm on your chin and smiled away, with your back away from the beautiful hue in the sky. 

_**Click!** _

Raven's phone sounded and you felt excited that you hastily stole it away from her hand. 

"Oh this looks good!" 

"Oh yeah! That looks good alright." 

A blush came parading up to your cheeks because those brown eyes were ogling from top to bottom of your bikini. You looked down and pouted, "Raven." You warned her jokingly. 

But as those blue eyes followed the trail that Raven led you, you saw Lexa at the far end seemed to be turning away. Your stomach made a flip all of a sudden. 

Carefully and discreetly, you undone your shawl that was tied on your waist and cascade it on your shoulder preventing anymore inappropriate looks from Raven and so was Octavia who was smirking as she watched what you just did. 

"Guys! Have a glass of wine. Lex! What are you doing there? Come over here." Bellamy beckoned while handing her over a glass of cheap red wine. 

Her eyes seemed to glimmer with a tint of sadness and you can't figure out why. As her best friend you would bug her until she gave in but considering  _now,_ you can't do much about it. She was still avoiding you. 

"You feeling okay, Clarke?" 

Raven scooted against you on the floor of the deck. 

"Yupp. You? It's been a while since we've seen each other." 

"We just saw each other the other day." 

"Still. It was brief." 

"I know. We could have talked longer." 

"I know," twirling the wine glass with her fingers, "how was she?" 

Raven gave you a surprised look, "It had been a while since you asked me that." 

You just shrugged. 

"2 years to be exact." 

"Yeah well." 

"She's doing great I suppose. She's still the same old Boo." 

You hummed. You knew this because that's what she always shows to people. That she's strong and nothing affects her. Not even her break up. 

"It's been 2 years, Rae. Cut the crap. You know what I'm talking about." 

A sigh was heavy on your side and you saw Raven giving Lexa a side-glance. You followed along but the brunette was still deep in her thoughts. 

"I can't really tell you, Clarke. You know she's my best friend too and I can't jeopardize what we have. If I tell you then I'll be losing her trust. And you know how big of a deal that is to her." 

A nod was a confirmation to this fact. Both of you had gone through enough rough edges building that relationship that was once the greatest thing that you had ever cherished. But now it was all gone. 

_**//// 5 years ago ////** _

"Do you trust me, Lexa?"

"I do," her voice was small and frail as if thinking twice by her answer. Lexa's eyes were nowhere near Clarke's piercing eyes. 

"Then tell me what happened." 

Those green eyes finally found the blue ones and then dropped down on their intertwined fingers on the blonde's lap. 

"I-... I don't think I can, Clarke." 

"Lexa, we've been best friends for 2 years now. By this time you should know that you can trust me. I've done everything that I can for you to trust me Lexa. You know that."

"Clarke  _please."_ As if begging her to stop asking. 

She felt a soft hand against her cheeks and stiffened by the touch. Lexa didn't realized that she had been crying. It broke her down.

"My dad-... I saw him with another woman." 

The brunette didn't hear anything after that, nothing but strong arms hugging her. Rocking her to sleep until her eyes grew tired from crying. Until it closes for the night with Clarke wrapped around her on the bed. 

_**//// Present ////** _

"Why so gloomy, Lex?" 

A nudge brought you out of your little world and found Octavia sitting down beside you. 

"Just had a long week." 

"Busy at work?" 

"You have no idea. My dad's company is expanding and they're thinking of branching in New York. They wanted me to handle it." 

"Wow. That's huge! So your leaving Cali?" 

You shrugged, "I'm not sure yet. I've been thinking about it for awhile now." 

"But no answer yet?" 

"Nope," emphasizing on the 'P'. 

"Well good luck with that. You'll do great either way." 

You smiled because you felt that Octavia never changed all this years. Knowing the fact that the little girl sticks around with some certain blonde you couldn't resist to change the topic. 

"You wanna ask about her?" 

You raised your eyebrows and soon chuckled. Of course, Octavia always has a way of reading people's mind. Up to this point it still surprises you. 

"I wanted to," glancing at the corner of the deck where Raven was busy animatedly chatting with Clarke. 

"Well fire away." 

Gulping down, you never thought of asking about her after this long separation, "How was she?" 

"She's fine. You know her she'll be all good outside but inside I know she's still affected. She loves you, you know. She's still confused and mad what happened 2 years ago." 

But you shook you head, denying what the brunette just told you, "I don't believe you. She seemed so much happier." 

A small laugh escaped her lips that made you looked up questionably. 

"Man, both of you are still in denial huh." 

"What are you talking about, Octavia?"

"Like I said  _Boo,_ she loves to show people that she's okay. She's happy but deep inside she's not." 

You narrowed your eyes. 

"Trust me... She's still devastated." 

\\\\\\\\\

"It's time to get back to shore. It's getting late." 

Everybody soon agreed. You started to feel a bit tipsy from all the wine drinking. Usually you could handle yourself more than this but seeing how Clarke seemed to unaffected about what happened. You decided to drink yourself into oblivion.

"Woah. Be careful, Lex. You might fall into the water." 

Jasper was holding you up. You sighed and leaned against the wall for support. 

"I'm fine, Jas." 

Waving your hand away from him. 

"I'll handle this, Jasper." 

You couldn't figure who's voice it is but the touch sent a thousand bolts through your body. It made your senses grew extra sensitive. 

"Clarke."

"Boo, let me help you up. Come on." 

Never did you felt embarrassed of losing control with alcohol that now your so called ex - best friend was helping you down the deck to get inside. 

"I can handle myself, Clarke." 

"Don't be ridiculous, Lexa. You're clearly drunk."

You stopped your flailing. Your breath turned staggered, Clarke never used your real nick name unless she was mad or angry or deadly serious. Looking at her now, was indeed a confirmation to that. 

"Let go of me!" 

You were mad. 

"Clarke? Lexa?"

It was Raven. Raven to your rescue. Your most beloved and loyal best friend that will never leave your side no matter what. 

"Let me, Clarke." 

You were looking down at your two feet. It was getting blurry and you seemed to be growing another two more feet. It was hilarious. So you laughed until your stomach hurts. Until Raven shouldered you down the small flight of stairs and into the warm interior of the yatch. 

"Is Lexa okay?" You heard someone asked but you just closed your eyes and slept throughout the journey back. 

////

"Off you go," you felt the comfy bed bounced underneath your body. It was soft and warm. 

And it was the last thing that you remembered. 

////

You groaned in pain. You thought your migraine was back. So you patted around your side table for your painkillers but felt nothing. You flopped back on your back and cracked opened your eyes it was brightly lit outside the window. It was oddly familiar. The position of the trees outside. The wooden ceiling. The wooden bed. The old fashioned wardrobe in front. The smell was oddly familiar too. It was sweet and smelled like flowers. So you wondered where the hell you were. Until you looked down on your chest, golden hair were everywhere. 

You stiffened by the sight. 

"Clarke." 

You tried to pull her out of your body but it was useless. You know this. Because you were best friends before. By the time Clarke was buried in her sleep there's no way for her to wake up easily. The only way was to wait. 

So you waited. Half an hour had gone past and she was still lying there on your chest motionless. From time to time you would nudge her and she would grunt and then fall right back to sleep. 

And you started to wonder how did Clarke crept inside your room. You could only suspect several things in mind. 

_**//// 6 years ago ////** _

"Clarke?" 

Clarke grunted and whined on the top of girl's fidgeting body.

"How did you get inside my room?!" 

Lexa nudged but the girl won't budged. She only let out a baby wail hugging her lean body closer to her. 

"Let's me sleep, Boooo." 

"Clarke, what are you doing here?" 

Clarke exaggeratedly looked up and her face was about to cry. Heavy dark circles were ringing around her eyes. Lexa almost felt sorry for waking the girl up.

"I can't sleep," burying her face once more on the brunette's neck, "Let me sleep."

Lexa sighed and rubbed her back like a baby.

"That's what you get for drinking coffee late at night."

"Shut up."

////

 "Well well. What is this?" 

The green eyes shot open and found Raven and Octavia smirking by the doorway. She sighed and looked down at the fast asleep blonde. 

"She can't sleep. Somehow she found a way to get inside my  _locked_ room." 

"Maybe it got something to do with the master keys." Octavia chirped in bringing a large bundle of keys in one hand. 

"We will give you some privacy now," Raven murmured with a hint of playfulness, quietly pulling the door closed.

"Don't you dare," she mouthed as the girl on the top of her suddenly squirmed. 

When the door closed, Clarke finally grunted awake. 

"Well well well. Look who's awake now." 

Clarke looked up to her with a wide smile. Lexa snickered, "Goodmorning, Princess." 

"Goodmorning, Boo. That was the best sleep I had in ages." 

"You don't say!" rolling her eyes. 

_**//// Present /////** _

The door creaked quietly and your eyes snapped open. Raven was slyly grinning with raised hands with cellphone in position as if taking a picture or a video. You turned your head on her direction but the engineer did not backed down. 

"Don't you dare!" You mouthed berserkly but Raven just stuck her tongue at you and made kissy faces.

You shook your head and thought that she's so gonna get it once you got out of bed. The door closed once more and like a de javu. Clarke finally woke up with a wide smile on her face. 

"Clarke."

The blonde whipped her head on your direction with gasped. She immediately sat up straight and turned crimson red realizing that she was still in her bikinis. So she took the blanket around her body and faced you.

"I'm so sorry, Boo. I didn't know what happened to me last night. I... I honestly didn't know I'll end up in your room. I'm  _really_ sorry." 

You pulled the other half of the blanket because your body now was in full display after being vacated by Clarke. 

"It's fine." Sitting up straight, facing the blonde. 

"Okay... Goodmorning by the way."

You nodded, "Goodmorning." 

After Clarke left, you realized it had never been that awkward before. Never did you imagined that one day you'll wake up with a girl on the top of you. You rubbed your tired eyes and groaned. It will be another long day for you.

\\\\\\\\\

"Goodmorning, sleepy head." 

Raven grinned, pushing a blueberry pancake at your direction. You shot her a deadly stare. 

"What the hell happened last night? How...," you looked around just in case someone hears it, "How did Clarke ended up in my room?" 

The girl chuckled soundlessly, "Oh I don't know, Lex. You and her must have some kind of magnetic attraction or something." Rolling her eyes. 

"Cut the crap, Rae! I'm serious! I almost fainted this morning!" 

"Okay! Fine, fine. She didn't went to your room first. She was aimlessly walking around the house in the middle of night. Knocking on everyone's bedrooms. Octavia guessed that after you blew her off last night she took another bottle with her to bed to, and I quote, 'drown her misery.' So there's no harm done. She just happened to fell asleep on your bed." 

Sighing was another thing that you loved to do now. Anything related to Clarke Griffin was always accompanied by a sigh and heavy dramatic long pause - based on Raven Reyes' observation. So you did just that. 

Shaking your head, you forked your pancake down then followed by a large doze of water. Being drunk wasn't in your vocabulary but last night was something else. Seeing Clarke was something else. After 2 years of separation you never thought that you were still affected by it. Affected by the fact that Clarke was still Clarke and as if nothing was taken away from her. As if what happened 2 years ago was  _nothing_ but a memory and never hold much importance. 

While you've spent days, weeks and slowly it turned into months and then years, trying to drown every single memories and thoughts about her. She was nowhere in sight but rumors circulated that she was enjoying life with somebody else. 

While you've confronted all of your friends to never utter a word about her. Actually not everyone - just Raven because she was the only one that stuck around with you. Clarke was all over the place - as the rumors says so - having fun and getting wasted. Making life as it seems to be.

Looking at Raven she was always loyal to a fault and you were forever grateful because she never left your side. Even though there was a point in her life that she was put on a spot to have to choose between you and Clarke. You knew it was heart breaking for her. It was for you too but you did this because of your heart. Because of what your heart was shouting for.

You did this because you chose to use your head instead of what your heart was telling you. Above everyone else, Raven seemed to understand you more. 

"Hey." 

You looked up, " Sorry I let Clarke stayed in your room." 

You sighed, "It doesn't matter now. What's done is done." 

"But still." 

You stood up and placed the empty plate onto the dish washer. Facing your best friend with a huge smirk. 

"But we all know  _you weren't sorry at all."_

Raven chuckled, "You know me all too well, Heda." 

\\\\\\\

"Hey, I heard there's this new club that newly opened last week. It's by the small town not far from here." 

Jasper's wide eyes were hypnotizing everyone including you. But knowing you weren't really a party girl you sat down on this one.

"Oh come on, Lex. That's why we're all here for the weekend.  _To have fun!_ Bonding  _together._ Don't be a sore loser and stay at home." 

You gave Raven a warning look. You knew that she will do whatever it takes to drag your ass to that club. It doesn't matter how just as long as you reached the destination.

_**///// 3 years ago ////** _

Lexa's phone bursted into life with Raven's name flashed across the screen. 

"What do you want?" 

"Already so angsty! What's up Heda? Whatcha doing tonight?" 

"Stay at home. Read a book." 

"Argh. Reading a book a again! It's friday night, Lex. Let's go out!" 

"Sorry, I have a date tonight." 

"Date?! With who?!" 

She flipped the book around and uttered, "Jane Eyre." 

"Who the hell is this Jane? Do I know her? Does she go in our school? What the hell Lexa, you didn't tell me about her!" 

"Sorry. Already made plans. Bye!" 

"LEX-..." 

Lexa stuffed her phone under the pillow and opened her book once more. She spent hours reading and diving into the story that she didn't even realized that it was already 8pm in the evening and the doorbell was ringing. Hopping off the bed, she lazily walked into the door and opened it. 

She gasped, "Clarke! What are you doing here?" 

"Hi, Boo!" Her voice was oddly high pitched and seemed shaky but she just brushed it off, "I was just wondering what are you doing tonight?" 

Her eyebrows almost hit the hairline, she stuttered, "Uh...Um... Well I was... Just..." 

"Do you wanna hangout? It's friday night after all," seemingly shrugging.

"Oh... Okay. Um... I'll just get change. Come in." Beckoning for the blonde. 

Lexa immediately closed her bedroom door behind her and fanned her face with her hands. She was hyperventilating. Her crush just asked her out! 

"Oh for the love of god!" 

She scrunched her nose and pursed her lips from breaking into a wide grin. She quickly pulled on a skinny leather black jeans and a white top and a leather jacket. She's not sure where they would be going but this seemed to be a safe choice considering that Clarke was wearing something casual too. 

Lexa's hand froze when she heard her door opened, she turned around and found Clarke grimacing. 

"What's wrong Clarke?"

"I'm really sorry, Boo."

And soon Raven and Octavia stormed into the room. Lexa was confused, "What's going on guys? Clarke?" But Clarke disappeared. 

"Hello,  _Boo._ I thought you have a date tonight?"

"I... I am!" 

"With Clarke?"

Raven mused coyly. Lexa gasped and shook her head vehemently. 

"Jane Eyre?" Both girls looked at Octavia holding her book, She then smacked Raven's head very hard, "This is  _Jane Eyre, you idiot!"_

Flinging the book in the air, Raven winced by the pain and spatted, "How am I supposed to know? I don't read!" 

"Clearly!" 

Rolling her eyes she puffed, "Seriously, what are you doing here?" 

"We're dragging you to a party! Let's go, party pooper!" 

"What? I told you I'm not going!" 

"Come on, Lex. I will do whatever it takes to get your ass outta here!" 

Lexa folded her arms and stood firmly to the ground, "Really? Make me!" 

Those were her last words. Well besides from flailing, struggling, panting, shouting and more shouting. 

After half an hour of being blind folded and hands tightly tied behind her back, it finally came off. They were in a club. Her eyes widened. She was drowning by the sight and sound. Everything seemed so loud and chaotic. Dancing bodies everywhere. The smell of alcohol was filling her lungs and she felt out of place. 

"Hey Boo," Clarke suddenly came up to her with an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry. I can't do anything. Raven used me as a bait." 

Lexa sighed,  _Of course she did._

"It's fine. Like I had a choice." 

The blonde smiled once more and extended her hand for her. Lexa gladly took it and snaked around the crowded place until they reached a booth where Bellamy and other guys were. 

"Hey! The commander finally showed up!" 

"Shut up, Bellamy!" 

Still seething with fume by the girl who was snickering in front of her. 

**_/// Present ////_ **

"You wouldn't dare!" 

"I've done it and I will do it again." 

Clenching your jaw and staring at her determined eyes, you buckled down. Because come on, it's Raven Reyes she can get away with anything. 

"Fine." 

"Alright! Everyone! Lexa's in!"

The whole group 'wohoo-ed' enthusiastically, you cringed by the sight until your eyes landed on those blue ones. The apologetic eyes that she gave you, you knew that she remembered what happened few years back. You shook your head and gave a small sigh, which in return Clarke grinned and chuckled. 

So the night came and everyone was already walking up to the club. The line was long and crowded but you followed Raven to the front of the line and watched her whispered something on the bouncer's ears and discreetly put something in his pocket. The bald, big and muscular guy nodded once and opened the partition for the rest of the gang. The line of people were shouting and yelling but you just shook your head and grinned. 

The club was packed with people, it was warm and steamy. Heavy bodies were grating on each other. Girls flirting with guys by the bar - actually everywhere. Hands were all over them. Your group found an empty booth much to your relieved because you wouldn't be liking standing at one corner awkwardly watching people grinding on each other. Or much rather you wouldn't be standing alone with lines of guys hitting on you or girls parading at your line of vision. 

You sat down at the far end and was already dreading the night that comes. Eventually, shots were appearing in front of you and with one quick swig it was gone. You felt warm and bubbly inside, so you sagged by the comfy seat and watched those bodies dancing to the beat. 

"You feeling okay there?" 

You didn't realized that there was only you and Clarke left in the booth. A cold gush of wind suddenly swept over you. 

You nodded profusely and evaded those blue eyes that you used to love. 

You felt your side shifted and you knew that Clarke was sitting beside you now. Your arms slightly brushed against each other making your hair all stood up. 

"Wanna dance?" 

Her voice was small and hushed and that it could easily drowned by the loud music but you couldn't help but make your ears easily pick up every single words that she said. 

You looked up to her feeling surprised, "Are you sure?"

Clarke nodded confirmedly.

"You do know what you're getting at, right?"

And with hint of one sided smile, you knew that Clarke remembers that fateful night.

**_//// 2 years ago ////_ **

It was their graduation night and the school organized a small ball for all the graduating batches. Lexa was fidgeting on the table because of what she was about to do that night.

"Hey!"

Her train of thoughts suddenly came into a halt. A hand extended in front of her and when she looked up it belongs to Clarke. Her heart quickened. 

"Come dance with me."

Lexa shook her head violently.

"I can't dance, Clarke."

Clarke rolled her eyes and grabbed her hands nonetheless.

"How hard would it be? Come on, I'll guide you."

\\\\\\\

"Left. Right. AH!"

"I'm so sorry!" Quickly stepping away from the girl's strong grip.

"No. No. It's fine. Okay, left. Right. That's right. Grab my waist, Boo. Why are you so awkward I'm your best friend for crying out loud. OUW!!!"

Clarke loosened her arms around Lexa's neck and bended down grimacing at the pain on her feet. Lexa backed away. 

"I think we should stop. I'm only hurting you."

"It's fine," Clarke gritted between her teeth. It was evident that the blonde was stuffing all the pain inside of her. Lexa definitely felt guilty. 

Her arms were once again guided to the blonde's waist and arms snaked around her neck. The pace was slower now and she can't help but watch her feet carefully stepping back and forth trying to avoid stepping on the girl's already bruised feet. 

\\\\\\\

"See? That wasn't so bad isn't?"

"Clarke, you could hardly walk."

Clarke waved her away and chuckled, "This is nothing.  _It's worth it."_

And just like that it was as if some huge vacuum just sucked away the air out of her body. She was breathing in sharply and heavily that Clarke looked up with her worriedly. 

"Are you feeling okay, Boo?"

Lexa let out a shaky breath and said, "Yeah." 

Her eyes suddenly drifted on those killer red lips. 

"Boo?" 

She heard nothing but ringing. In fact muffled sound was the only thing that she could hear. 

"Lexa? Are you feeling okay?" 

No response. She saw how those lips moved. How it seemed to be directing to her. 

"Lexa? Lexa!" 

A cold hand on the shoulder brought her out of her reverie.

"What? What is it?"

"You were staring." 

"I... I was just...," making a swift glance back on those red lips, she gulped, "thinking about something." 

"About what?" 

Clarke was inches from hers, she shuddered. She wasn't sure if it's because of the cold breeze or the way that Clarke was looking at her expectedly. They were already meters away from her house and her chest was drumming out of her chest. 

"Just some stuff."

Clarke touched her arm and faced her, "Lexa, if you're going through something. I will be here for you. You know that, right? I'm you're best friend. You don't have to think twice telling me your problems. I know Raven was your friend first but I feel like we have this  _strong_ bond between us."

Lexa nodded in agreement, every single word she said was true. They have a special bond that not even Raven nor Octavia could surpass. And knowing that Raven was her first friend, it didn't went well for the engineer. She took it hard but sooner realized that she can't do anything about it because it was  _that obvious_ that Lexa and Clarke's kind of friendship only happens once in a lifetime. All of their friends knew this. 

"I know, Clarke. I... I was just... Just give me some time. I will tell you eventually." 

Yes, that's what she needs. She needs some time. Some time to figure herself out. With whatever she was dealing with. 

"Okay," rubbing the brunette's arm, " I'll wait till then. I'm just a phone call or a text away." 

Lexa nodded with a faint smile. 

"I love you, Boo." 

As much as she tried to suppress the squirming butterflies in the pit of her stomach or how much she tried not to show having goosebumps. She still uttered the words with much affection that she can. Because it was true. What she was about to say was true and no one knew about it. 

"I love you too, Clarke."

_**//// Present /////** _

"Hey, saw you dancing with stiff over there. How was it?" 

You directed your eyes at the brunette who was hunched down by the booth by herself.  

"Better than I expected. She only stepped on my foot less than 10 times. It was a record breaking, honestly." 

Octavia laughed by this fact almost toppling you over with her dramatic hands smacking on your shoulder. It was something that she tends to do when she's laughing or chuckling so hard. She just have to hit her hands on something. It was either the table, her knees or someone's shoulder or arms - practically anything actually. 

"Glad to hear that,  _Boo._ Say, I've been watching you for the past 2 days and we're leaving tomorrow morning. How does it feel seeing Lexa again?" 

You sighed knowing that it's gonna be hard to spill your guts about what you really felt seeing her again. It was only been 2 years for crying out loud. 

"Honestly, she changed a lot. I wish I could say that she's still the same Lexa that I knew but truth to be told, she was someone else. She's not timid anymore. Her eyes were always having this blazing fire with so much determination. She's something else now, O. I never felt this way before." 

You covered your mouth once that last statement spilled out of your lips. Octavia was mirroring the very same expression. 

"Holy moly! You still have the hots for the little commander!" 

"Octavia! I told you,  _not a word."_

"Hey! You started it. It was a friendly question I didn't mean for you to spill what you really felt. I thought the goal this weekend was to reunite with your 'best friend' not  _falling back in love_ with your best friend." 

"I AM NOT!" 

"Oh yeah sure! With a red face like that.  _Sure!_ With googly eyes following everywhere that Lexa goes.  _Sure! Why not!_ Oh yeah! Don't forget how you kept staring at her butt all day." 

" _How dare you, hoe!"_

"Bitch, you love me! Oops! But not as much as you  _looovee_ Lexa!" 

Oh you were fuming. You were so mad that your hands were clenching on your lap as you still seated by the bar. You were supposed to get drinks for the both of you and Lexa but you forgot about it when you started watching her. And then the Octavia happened. 

"Octavia! That's not funny! You know I'm  _over_ that. I know she doesn't feel anything for me. So can't you just quit it!" 

"Over? Since when?" 

"Since 4 years ago! Move on!" 

_**//// 4 years ago ////** _

It was a long treacherous day for Clarke. Her professors were breathing down her neck to be the best that she can be. Living up to her parents expectation and others, she was beaten and tired that she just wanna lounged in the house for the rest of the day. A knock came to the door and a smile instantly spread across her lips. Her favorite person finally arrived. 

"Boo!"

"Hey Clarke." Walking up to the kitchen where she laid two heavy paper bags. She laid every single item one by one. "I brought us a bunch of DVDs. Horror! Gosh, can't wait!" Clarke rolled her eyes on those, "of course the sappy once," Lexa pretended to gag, "actions movies, of course. Aaannd Ruffles!" 

Clarke bounced to her feet excitedly, "Cheese?" 

"Yes cheese!" Lexa grunted, "Also bought ice cream." 

"Vanilla?"

"Nope. Rocky road."

Clarke groaned, "Not again!"

"Hello! You got the chips. I get the ice cream. It's only fair, babe." 

"Fine. Let's go to the living room. I need to cuddle." 

Lexa snorted and brought all the stuff into the coffee table, she popped the DVD in random and found the sappy romantic one was playing. She groaned. 

"Why do you hate romance so much?" 

Clarke asked patting the space beside her. Lexa laid down and faced the television with the blonde sprawled on her chest, mindlessly playing with her hair. 

"Because it's too predictable! The guy gets the girl after chasing around going in circles. It's like no matter how much you tried to stay away there's always something that will bring the both of you together. it's so obvious. It's embarrassing." 

Clarke gasped and hit her on the chest, "take that back! Romance isn't about being predictable! Its  _more_ than that. It's being spontaneous! Being swept off your feet. Being saved by your knight in shining armor." 

"Boorriinnggg...."

"Whatever." 

Clarke felt Lexa chuckled as she laid her head on her chest. The beating of the brunette's heart seemed to quicken but then she thought maybe it's because of their little argument or maybe her heavy weight. And as she listens to it, it slowly died down into a steady heartbeat. 

"Lex," she uttered in a serious tone.

"Hmm?" 

"Have you met your 'the one'?"

She felt Lexa shifted uncomfortably under her and she looked up, her green eyes found hers and her chest was racing like a roadrunner. Clarke felt lost on those eyes that were subtly studying her. She never felt so naked before, so she dove down on her chest once more feeling the girl's quick heartbeat. She frowned. 

"Nope," emphasizing on the 'p,' "Have you?"

_Yes._

"Me neither." 

_A lie._

And as she lies there watching a guy shamelessly flaunting his undying love for the girl, she felt envious. How she wished she could be that guy shamelessly flaunting how she really felt for Lexa. The brunette squirmed uncomfortably beneath her again and she shifted a bit. She laid her ears once again on the girl's chest and the fast beating heart was drowning her thoughts. 

_**//// Present ////** _

Octavia gave you a ridiculous look as if she's gonna believe what you've just said. So you just sighed and took two margaritas from the bartender and left Octavia openly grinning at you. 

"Here." 

Lexa looked up. 

"Hey, thanks." 

You watched Lexa in the corner of your eyes. She was sipping the drink with a frown. 

"What's wrong?" you asked. 

"I'm missing a straw."

"Straw? You just sipped on the straw." rolling her eyes.

Lexa shook her head and left the booth and came back with another straw. A wide smile was then emerged on her lips as she gracefully took a sip and licked off some salt from the brim. It weirdly turned you on. 

You gasped not only because of the straw predicament but also how Lexa was now licking salt out of her finger. Everything suddenly turned so sensual. 

You gulped and bowed down, "So you still drink with two straws huh." 

You felt your cheeks tingled by the eyes that was now watching you. 

"Yeah. I tried to break it but by the following week I totally forgot about it. I was back drinking with two straws." 

"Old habits die hard." 

"Old habits die hard."

/////

"Oh my god. I'm handling infants!" 

Bellamy grunted as he shouldered Jasper and Monty by the shoulders and slowly trudged up the porch. You couldn't help but laughed at the sight and soon another ring of laughter followed yours and you turned around and found Lexa grinning. 

You were so tired and it was already 3am in the morning. Your legs were beaten from dancing and your mind was foggy from drinking. So you laid on the sofa with your eyes closed slowly drifting off to sleep. 

Hours later, you jerked awake and found it was still dark outside. So you groaned at the pounding headache and opened the door to your bedroom. You kicked off your shoes, peeled away your jacket and yanked off your pants. Lazily, you flounced onto the bed with a heavy sigh and snuggled for another couple more hours. 

/////

"Clarke!" 

You grunted and went back to snoring. 

A heavy breath was bugging your ears that it almost tickles. You swatted whatever thing it was and came snuggling your pillow deeper into you. 

"Clarke." 

The sound was exasperated. It was desperate. Then you wondered who the heck would be making so much sound inside your room. So you gritted your teeth and snapped her eyes around the room, but no ones there. Then you thought maybe your were just dreaming. So you went back to sleep. 

"Clarke, wake up!" 

There it was again. But you continued to ignore it until the pillow that you were holding was squirming underneath you. Then it struck you. Your eyes shot open and found those green eyes looking at you disgustedly. Or so what you thought a look of disgust. 

"Lexa!" You staggered out of her warm body and sat up straight. Panting at what you've discovered. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know..." 

"Umm... Clarke I think you should umm..." 

You frowned because Lexa's pointing at something below you and when you looked down. All of your blood just decided to pump up to your face making it crimson red. You yanked the blanket covering your lower body that only has your panty and was widely spread in a provocative display. 

You looked up to her with wide eyes, "we didn't. Umm... We-..."

"No." the answer was curt. 

You nodded and sighed a huge relief. The last thing you wanted was making things worst between you and Lexa. 

"Okay. Good. I'm sorry again, Boo." 

Lexa shook her head dismissing your apology and gave a faint smile. 

"Old habits die hard."

"Old habits die hard."

You agreed, as you hopped off the bed and quickly picked up your pants, jacket and shoes. 

"Umm... Goodmorning by the way." 

"Goodmorning too Clarke."

////

You felt a small nudge on your side and you knew instantly who it's gonna be. 

"I saw our little princess making a walk of shame this morning." 

Raven was waggling her eyebrows at you. 

You sighed, "Nothing happened, Rae. She just felt asleep on my bed again. Same old. Same old." 

You uttered, as you scrolled down at the amount of unread emails that you have to go through. With a loud sigh, you stuffed your cellphone at the back of your pants and marveled at the beauty that you were about to leave. The trees. The lake. The cabin. The swing. The boat. Clarke. The sweet smell of lilac. The constant smell of flower. Clarke. The clear blue sky. The cry of the crickets and frogs at night and wee early in the morning. 

"I'm gonna miss this place." 

"Yeah. Me too. So much memories." 

"You have no idea." 

The weekend was over and so was your wishful dreaming. Everybody separated on their own rides with a promise of reuniting again as soon as possible. As for you, you left with a promise of moving on. Not letting whatever happened this weekend bothered you nor give you nightmares of some unspoken desires. As for Clarke, you had a brief talk with her before she left with Octavia. You could admit it was brief and filled with unspoken truths. But nonetheless, a very promising future that everything will finally be okay. Everything will finally be put to rest. 

"Hopefully."  


	2. A Part of The Confession

**_*4 months later*_ **

The birds were chirping. The sun was blaring. You shielded your eyes with your hands and came to a complete stop when your eyes automatically landed on those beautiful emerald.  
_"So he was like do you wanna go out or something? Of course knowing me I would be "I'll think about it" . So I made him wait for maybe 3 to 4 more songs..."_

"Mhmm."

_"And I was riding a pony and fell off a rainbow. While the leprechauns chasing me after with a light saber..."_

"Yeah that sounds wonderful."

_"And I'm more smarter and more beautiful than Lexa Heda. She's nothing but nosey bitch know it all."_

"Octavia Blake!"

"Oh! Well there you are Clarke Griffin! I thought I lost you there for a minute."

You shot her a glare and continued walking  across the road.

"You just saw Lexa and the world suddenly stopped."

"Just let it go, O."

Octavia laughed so loud that you walked away quickly feeling a little embarrassed.

"If you wanna talk to her just go. Stop staring."

"You know I can't."

The green man started flashing and started jogging half way.

"Don't you think it's about time? Clarke, it's been 2 years. Dont you think whatever differences you have will be settled for the best."

This is the last thing that you want to talk about. Not tonight when you're heading back to your dad's memorial service.

"I told you I don't wanna talk about it,O!"

**_///// 2 years ago //////_ **

Before anything happened, Clarke put her phone into silent mode and quietly watched the flickering picture across the coach. It's not like she's watching or anything. She just wanna do something to appear busy. To keep her mind occupied.

A knock came to the door but she ignored it knowing who it is going to be. It had been 5 days ever since the last time Clarke left the apartment. She could predict it will go on for a longer period.

"Open up, Clarke!"

"Im ignoring you!"

"Clarke? Honey?"

Her body tensed all of a sudden. That voice was very familiar. She havent heard that voice in weeks. Quickly as her legs could carry her across the living room in less than a nano second. She pulled open the door and cried on his shoulder.

"Dad!"

"Clarke."

"What are you doing here? I've missed you. When did you got back?"

"Yesterday. Honey, I've missed you too. Thank you, Octavia. I think i can handle it from here."

Clarke closed the door behind them after giving Octavia a questionable look which the girl gladly return with a smirk.

"What brought you here, dad? Something's to matter? Is mom okay?"

"Clarke, we need to talk."

She gulped and sat down on the coach, still eyeing her father who was still standing with folded arms.

"Honey, what's going on with you and Lexa? Octavia told me everything."

The blonde sighed and started playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Dad, I... I don't know honestly. Lately, its like we've been trying so hard to salvage what we have. She's my best friend, dad and I can't lose her."

"But what you're doing is not helping, Clarke."

"I just thought that if she's ignoring me and sees me chasing after her, she won't back down. So I figured if I do the same then it'll be her taking the initiative to talk to me again."

Jake gave her daughter a look.

"I know I know its childish... Doesn't even seemed to work. Looks like we're breaking up for real."

Clarke faintly laughed, feeling the absurdity of the matter.

"I just never thought that after 4 years it'll be this easy to forget as if we've never shared anything at all. Never thought it'll be that easy for her."

"Clarke," Jake kneeled before her, "Lexa's the best thing that had ever happened to you."

"She is."

"Are sure you're gonna give up just like that? Simple as that? Dont you think its worth a fight?"

"I've already fought. It's Lexa that's not helping."

**_///// Present /////_ **

"But honestly though, you're really not gonna approach her?"

You looked back again where the girl had disappeared to. Tossing the crumbled up receipt on the table you stood up and started walking away.

"Lex! Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving."

"Lex! Wait up!... Are you _really_ gonna be this stuborn? They're having a memorial for her dad. She needed a friend."

"And I _can't_ be that friend, Raven."

You're starting to get mad. Because of all the things that you started to remember. Because of all the feelings that you've buried inside started one by one exploding to your face.

"Jake was like your dad, Lexa. Can you put your differences aside and attend for Jake's sake. But honestly, Lexa you are her best friend."

"I _was_ her best friend. She have Octavia for that. Jake...," you sighed, "He will always be like a dad to me. Nothing's had change. Just not right now."

"You know what, Lex. Sometimes I don't know you anymore. I don't know where the old Lexa went to."

"That girl is long gone."

"Such a shame. I think I like the old one better."

Then you heard footsteps walking away. You never felt so alone.

\\\\\\\

You were standing by the old bench that faces the lake. It was your spot. You've spent a good 4 years meeting up talking about  life. It was where you knew that she's going to be someone special. And she still is.

"Didn't know you still come here."

You looked behind and found her hunched down in her jacket.

"I was just walking past."

The scruching of dead leaves on the pavement of an empty, quiet and dark park, made known to you that she's getting closer.

"Okay."

You watched her sat down on the left side of the bench. Where she usually sits. The bench never looked so tempting before.

"I'd better get going. Have a good evening, Clarke."

"Lexa?"

You stopped.

"What happened to us?"

Your tongue was stuck in the roof of your mouth.

"Clarke," as if begging her not to start.

The last thing you wanna do now is to have an argument with her.

"Where did I go wrong?"

A sigh and a long pause. You sat down eventually because it seems like your legs decided to bail on you.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Clarke. It's all me."

"Then let me try to understand, Lexa."

"Clarke..."

"I've spent 2 years trying to figure out what the hell happened. What _I did wrong._ I _deserve_ to know."

"Clarke," you were looking at her with flaring gaze, "it got nothing to do with you. This is all me. Put me to blame because I let this happened to us."

"Why? Why did you let this happened, Boo?"

Clarke voice turned into a soft whisper. As if she was in seconds about to cry.

"Because... I can't. I can't have you."

"What?"

**_//// 3 years ago ////_ **

"If you were to get married between our circle of friends. Who would it be?"

Clarke rubbed her chin in huge ponder and slowly landed her eyes on those green. Her hair all stood up.

"Hmmm. Jasper's too much of a flirt. Bellamy's like a big brother. Maybe Finn. Finn is such a charmer."

"Finn?"

Clarke nodded with a smile. Lexa nodded back, feeling disappointed.

"How about you, Boo?"

Lexa pursed her lips and glance at the blue eyed girl.

"Monty. He's so adorable and smart."

Clarke leaned against the sofa and giggled.

"I agree. I don't even think he has a heart to kill an ant. He's too adorable."

Lexa grinned and watched the glimmer on those eyes that now finally found hers.

**_//// Present ////_ **

"Remember the night when we were by the coach and you asked me who I would want to marry within our friends?"

She nodded.

"You said you wanted Finn and I said I wanted Monty."

"Yeah?"

Your green eyes flicked on her gapped lips and back again on her eyes.

"I wanted to say _you_. But I know It'll be too obvious. You'll probably freak out."

"Lexa-..."

"I've liked you, Clarke. For _such_ a long time. I never have the heart to tell you because by then did I get enough courage to tell you, you were already with Finn."

"I... I don't... Lexa that was 4 years ago."

You nodded and averted your eyes back to the lake.

"Exactly."

"You've been liking me for 2 years and never say a word about it."

You gave a nod.

"I figured, I can't risk our friendship over something so small."

"Lexa! You can't think of your feelings as a 'small' thing. I value whatever you're gonna say..."

"Don't Clarke. You might just get disappointed."

Feeling as if the huge elephant is finally out of the room, you gave up to temptation and looked at her. What struck you the most, was the look that Clarke gave Finn when he bluntly broke her heart and decided to be with someone else. The look that Clarke gave you 2 years ago when you decided to leave. The look that you saw few hours ago across the street. It was all the same, the _very_ same look that she was giving you right now - filled with remorse and heartbreak.

"I love you, Lexa."

You honestly thought it was the best words that mankind ever created. When you finally hear  _her_ say those words and meant  _more_ than it usually is. But right now? This doesn't seem the case.

"And I loved you too, Clarke."

You stood up, hugged your jacket closer and walked away.

////

"She told me she likes me."

Octavia shrieked in huge delight, obviously smacking your arm over and over until you pushed her away.

"And then?"

"And then she walked away."

The little girl's face fell and rubbed her temple gruntingly.

"Both of you are giving me a migraine."

You laid your head on the coach and deeply sighed. You don't know what came over you and denied the opportunity that had presented itself.

"You should have told her."

You instantly fell to the soothing hug that your best friend gave you. Just being in that situation was already enough to break into a little cocoon and mourn. Because you did not just lost your dad but you lost your soulmate too.

" _I should have."_

_**//// 5 years ago /////** _

"I never had a soulmate before."

"What are you soul searching or something? Such a sap."

Lexa grinned in ridicule eyeing her best friend laid down on her bed with a laptop.

"Shut up."

She threw a potato chip at Lexa, who hungrily ate it. Shaking her head, she still found it adorable when Lexa was being such a child and let her walls down. It was a rare thing to see but she was glad it only happens when they're alone together. It made her feel special.

Lexa laid down beside her and placed her chin over her shoulder. She instinctively, scooted nearer feeling her warmth.

"Thought Catalog again?" The brunette sighed, "You really got to stop reading those posts. It makes you overly dramatic."

"Hey! Thought Catalog speaks my soul. It understands me. I've got to admit if TC is a person, he'd be my soulmate."

The girl grunted and slid down, until her head was resting on the blonde's lower back.

" _Sure._ Whatever you say, Clarke."

After a long pause, Clarke turned over which Lexa obliged and gently laid her head again on her stomach.

"Can I ask you something?"

Lexa hummed.

"Can you be my soulmate?"

She was staring in the ceiling suddenly feeling the jitters crawling up in her arms. She felt a movement and watched those green eyes watching her intently. A small smile broke from those chapped lips - not that she was staring, and then a reply ensued.

"No."

"Why not!"

She pouted, failing miserably at _not_ being a child.

"Because I don't want to."

Lexa uttered while trying to get out of bed. With grunt, Clarke watched her putting on her jacket.

"Got to go. Have early class tomorrow."

"Stay over."

The tall girl gave her a coy look, "only because you want to cuddle."

"I can't sleep."

"No."

"You're right. You can't be my soulmate."

"Does your soulmate defines cuddling late at night until you fall asleep?"

Clarke crossed her arms, "Yes."

Lexa laughed and shook her head as she made her way out of the door.

"Bye, Clarke," with a back wave.

"WHATEVER!"

Later that night, her phone buzzed by the bedside table and automatically a smile spread across her face.

_**(23:14) Boo: Fine. I'll be your soulmate. Don't be such a cry baby. Goodnight, Clarke.** _

//// Present ////

"Hey it's the last day of the funeral. Are you sure you're not coming?"

You frowned at the screen, trying to concentrate at the email that you should have sent half an hour ago. But you can't make out the right words because all you could think about was the blonde girl a couple of blocks away mourning for her late dad. You thought to yourself,  _I should have been there for her._

"It's not yet too late, you know."

Automatically, you looked up and found Raven smiling encouragingly. For the past 2 years you both grown accustomed to each other that mind reading was a great part of the package. At least for Raven's part, she said your eyes is the door to your soul.

"I'll think about it."

And bowed down again at the half finished email.

"Don't be stubborn, Lexa. Clarke  _needs_ you. You said it yourself. She only goes to that bench when she's going through something and stumbling to her that night only meant one thing."

Your hands balled into a fist, sometimes you really hated spilling your thoughts to Raven - more so this past couple of years. It wasn't really an option for you but more of a coercion. However, those small details that laid out before her was just a small portion of a greater chaos swirling inside of you. The bigger bomb threat was still buried inside and is still ticking.

"I said I will think about it."

You sounded firm... and yet, agitated. Sensing the tension Raven gave you a shrug and tossed a piece of paper with an address written on it.

"In case you changed your mind. See you later,  _Boo._ "

\\\\\\\

Pacing back and forth was something you do out of nervousness. Somehow getting your legs worked up helps you calm down your nerves but it doesn't seemed to work this time. You were anxiously checking yourself in the mirror and glancing at the wall clock from time to time.

"Why am I getting so nervous for?"

You've spent a good 2 hours biting your fingernails, folding your arms, pacing and more pacing. Eventually, you gave up because you can't help but feel the guilt in the pit of your stomach. So there you were half an hour later, at the doorway of a funeral home where the blonde hunched down few seats up front.

Your heart was telling you to go to her - sit beside her. But your head was telling you to lay back and observe from a distance. It even surprised you that it wasn't saying anything about turning around and leave.

"Lexa?"

"Mrs. Griffin."

The older woman gave you a warm and optimistic smile but the dark circle and those eyes speaks the differ.

"I'm really sorry for your lost. I'm sorry I didn't managed to go for Jake's funeral last year."

Abby gave you a nod and embraced you. Instantly, you fell on her arms. It was like hugging a mother that you've never had. For the past 4 years prior to the separation, she was always a mother to you. Never did she ever let you feel any different and honestly speaking, it was the only family that you felt that you belonged to. Your father was yet another story that you don't want to tap onto.

"It's alright, honey. I understand. We've already talked about it once when we saw each other,"

You smiled and nodded, not knowing what to say to that because truth to be told, you never had a long conversation with Abby after you left. Seeing her from time to time in the city was just a brief hello's and how are you's.

"Take a seat. I'll call Clarke."

You quickly grabbed her wrist and instantly, she gave you a small nod. Then you thought maybe things weren't so different after all. Abby always respected your decision, she would always give you a motherly advice as much as she can and that's what you love about her. But it breaks your heart knowing that you broke hers too when you decided to waltz out of the door and leave Clarke behind. No matter how painstaking it was losing your second mother, Abby still respected your decision.

When Abby left, you sat down at the back row of the small funeral home. You observed every single person, some were crying, sobbing and while some were smiling but a hint of sadness. However, the look that stood out was the plain blank face that Clarke was sporting. You knew that look. It was the look of disdain. A look that Clarke gave when Finn broke up with her and you have no doubt that the very same thing happened when you left. If only you could walk up to her and hug her and tell her that she can make it through this. You would have done it by now but you can't and you wouldn't.

So instead you gave a silent wholehearted prayer  for Jake's soul, for Clarke and for Abby - the people that you've considered once as your family, to give them strength to carry on. After a minute of silence, you decided to walk out of door when you heard her voice.

"Lexa."

Hearing your name never felt so weird, knowing it was  _the_ girl who uttered it. You turned around.

"Clarke."

"You came."

"Yes. My condolences to you and your family."

Clarke was staring at you. You studied her face, she was obviously still shaken it was visible with the dark circles around her eyes.

"Thank you."

It broke your heart when those pouty lips forced a smile. A smile that you knew was only reserved for people who deserved it. And right now, you feel unworthy.

You gave her a nod and a faint smile. The silence between you were awkward and you both knew this. So in return, Clarke gave back a nod and returned to her seat.

\\\\\\\

"I decided to come."

"I've heard."

Raven pulled out your dinner out of the chinese take-away and onto a bigger bowl. Reluctantly, you tried not to roll your eyes at this but it still managed to escape.

"Don't worry, Heda. I'll wash the dishes. Seriously, you and your pet peeves."

"It's not a pet peeve. I don't like it when you could have just used the given container and not waste water in washing dishes which, mind you, I'll be paying for."

Raven rolled her eyes and shoved a dumpling inside her mouth, "Whatever. Why don't you just move out and find a smaller apartment."

"No."

"Look, we've moved back here to start a fresh. Not mourning over some history that we ought to forget."

"You know this apartment meant a lot to me, Raven. I can't just let it go just like that."

The engineer slumped back on the foot of the sofa and sighed, still half chewing on her food.

"It's really hard for you to forget old memories but its so easy for you to walk away from it."

_**//// A year ago /////** _

It was a cold september night and Lexa couldn't sleep. Raven was out again partying somewhere while she's stuck in their 2 bed room apartment, floating around the house. A year had passed since she moved out of Polis and decided to move to Ark City to _figure herself out_. She could have done it alone but Raven wasn't playing nice. A week after her departure, she found Raven by her doorstep with a luggage in stow.

====

"Hello there, Heda."

A wide smile erupted from the engineers lips but Lexa was still staring at her dumbfounded.

"Raven?! What the hell are you doing here?"

"You think I'm gonna leave my best friend behind are you... Well for  _your_ sake, you did left your best friend behind- FYI,  _me_ by the way. I'm not leaving you Lexa, so I'm here 24/7 whether you like it or not. Plus, I got a job in the city. We both can be city girls together. Ain't that fun!"

Lexa ignored the last statement and shook her head in disbelief.

"What? When? How did you even know my address?"

"I have my sources," and with a wicked smile, Raven shoved Lexa aside and stomped inside the apartment feeling homely immediately.

====

Lexa smiled fondly at this memories. With Raven's ferocity and determination, she had withheld the brunette's stupid and reckless life decision. She was always kept in check no matter what. Reyes had truly kept to her words.

"Staring again, I see."

The brunette turned around and found Raven standing by the door. The girl nodded at her hand, when she felt something heavy. She looked down and found a small box full of memories that she didn't realized she was holding. Raven walked up to her and gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"I know it's hard and I know it still is even after a year. But whatever you're going through that you didn't wanted me to know. I'll wait till your ready. I stick to my words, Heda. I'm here for you 24/7."

Raven gave her her signature smile and scooted closer, peeking at the contents.

"What's this?" pulling out a wired ring, " _Boo. Aawww..._ She made you a ring with your cute nickname."

Lexa rolled her eyes and nudged Raven out of her shoulder. She sniffed her like a dog and winced.

"You stinks, Rae!"

"No, Boo. I smell  _Great!_ Guys, dig me! Did you know...," she said proudly with her index finger in air, "I've danced with dozens of man! They can't get enough of me. (Burp) But nooo... they can  _never_ get this booty."

Raven leaned back against her and laughed hysterically. Lexa sighed and shouldered her best friend.

"Let's go to bed. You're drunk, Rae."

"NO!" the girl whined but willingly allowed herself being dragged into her room.

"Up you go," pushing her up the bed, "remove your jacket please..."

"Ooohh...," Raven cooed waggling her eyebrows, "You want a piece of this Heda huh. Why didn't you say so!"

The girl stripped naked leaving behind just her bra, much to Lexa's relief.

"Come here, baby girl. Give momma some sugar!" Raven made a kissy face pulling her onto the bed.

"Raaee...," grabbing her by the arms, "You're  _drunk._ Go to sleep."

Her friend slumped back onto the bed with a sigh. Lexa stood up and went to the door.

"Clarke asks about you, you know."

"What?"

Raven propped her arms and squinted.

"She asked me to keep it a secret... (burp) oops! I think I just spilt the beans." And threw her head back laughing.

Not knowing what to say, she fingers the hem of her shirt and when she planned to reply back, Raven was already fast asleep.

**_//// Present ////_ **

"Clarke asked about you, you know."

You looked up. It was so much of a de javu.

"What?"

You acted dumb, pretending that Raven had not mentioned it before because clearly she was too drunk to remember anything that night.

"Clarke asked about you while we were still in the city."

Squinting your eyes, listening attentively and you knew that she wasn't slurring. She definitely doesn't smell like booze - Raven Reyes is sober.

"Why are you telling me this Raven?"

She shrugged taking a sip from her diet coke.

"Letting out some guilt," patting her chest, "feels so nice to get that outta my chest." sighing with a big goofy smile.

"Why?"

"Clarke asked me to keep it a secret," shrugging, "Actually since it's already been 2 years... My god, Clarke's gonna kill me for this...."

Raven went into a silent mode and then intensely stared at you. You shook your head, waving your hands on her face.

"What?... What Raven?" You asked anxiously.

"She's the main reason why I came after you."

And then it dawned on you, it's the only way that it made sense. Raven was working as an engineer in the city hospital. A hospital so well known where Abby Griffin occasionally visit - How do you know this? - Because you stumbled on her a couple of times. Sure you said the usual hi's and hello's, and when Abby tried to ask you for a meet up you would always come up with an excuse. It was disheartening to turn down your second mother.

"Oh."

That was all you could say.

"Please don't be mad at me."

She was holding you on the arms with a begging eyes. You were staring.  _Hard._ But without malice.

"Clarke begged me not to say anything. She really cares for you Lex."

You shook your head because 'she really cares for you' statement doesn't make any sense. Contrary to popular beliefs, Clarke Griffin  _hates_ her.

"Lex, Please say something."

You were just shaking your head, as if clearing whatever Raven - your most loyal and trustworthy best friend - was saying. It can't be real.

"Clarke  _hates_ me."

It was a statement. It's the truth.

"No. Clarke never hated you, Lexa."

"No.  _Clarke hates me."_

You were speaking through your teeth, gripping the box that was still in your hands. It was shaking, you were shaking. You don't want to feel this anymore. You wanted this stop.

"Lexa-..."

" _Clarke hates me, Raven!_ I don't wanna hear anymore!"

\\\\\\\

Lexa had shut you down. It had been a week since you told her about the secret. A secret that you have tried so hard to keep. Messages, Calls, knocking on the door - none seemed to work. It was taking its toll on you.

"I told her."

"Which one?!"

"The reason why I came after her."

"Raven!"

"I'm sorry! I can't hide it anymore. You should have seen her face Clarke. I can't... I can't even read it."

"What did she say?"

"Mad. She said you hated her."

Clarke shook her head, eyeing the coffee in her hands.

"What happened Clarke?"

Clarke closed her eyes. That night was the night that stayed so vivid in her mind. It was as if it just happened yesterday.

_**//// 4 years ago ////** _

"What the fuck is wrong, Lexa?!"

Clarke was gripping her arm, shaking her. Doing whatever it takes to make Lexa speak her mind.

"Nothing," Lexa's voice was small and quiet but Clarke hears it loud and clear.

"Don't fucking  _nothing_ me. You've been avoiding me for weeks. You think I haven't noticed?"

"Clarke this isn't the right time!"

"The right time?! You're telling me about 'the right time'? Hell, Lexa! When was it ever the right time with you? You were always busy and oh! Did I mentioned, been avoiding me," pulling Lexa's collar closer, Clarke stared hard on her eyes, "Tell me  _why."_

"Finn is cheating on you!"

Clarke let go, "What?"

Lexa looked down and whispered, "He's cheating on you."

"How long?"

She looked up and saw no tears but infuriating anger.

"3 months."

"And you've known this ever since?"

The girl nodded.

"What the hell, Lexa? I thought you were my best friend."

"I am!"

"How could you keep this from me?!"

"I'm scared...," choosing her words wisely, "You know how much I hated Finn. So I thought if I told you the truth you wouldn't believe me. "

Clarke chuckled menacingly, "you never liked him for me and up to this point I still don't know why. You were never happy for me."

"Clarke..."

Lexa grabbed her forearm pulling her closer.

"Don't!" pulling her arm away, "I don't  _ever_ wanna see your face again."

_**//// Present////** _

"And then what?"

You averted your eyes and sighed.

"I never saw her again... She left few days later."

Raven nodded in understanding.

"That's why you asked me to follow her."

You nodded.

"Because you feel guilty for pushing her away."

You nodded again.

"Well!" Raven clapped desperately trying to bring up the mood, "All are in the past now. We move on!"

_**//// 4 years ago ////** _

"Finn!"

A heavy pounding on the door echoed on the one bedroom studio apartment. Clarke knew she have the keys to the house but she doesn't want to use it for this matter.

"OPEN UP!"

Finn opened the door looking groggy.

"Babe, what's up?"

"Is it true?!"

"What?" stifling a yawn.

"That you've been cheating on me."

"What?!" he stumbled back feeling wide awake, "Babe, who told you that?! I would  _never_ do that to you."

"Lexa told me  _everything."_

His strong mighty chest deflated, "No! I would never do such a thing. Honey!" pulling her in but Clarke pulled her arm away.

_"Finn? Can I borrow your shirt?"_

Clarke's eyes widened as it landed on a tall brunette wearing her boyfriend's loose white shirt.

_Her favorite shirt._

"Fuck you."

_**//// Present////** _

"How are you,  _Boo?"_

"Stop calling me that."

"You love that nickname.  _Boo."_

You shook your head giving Raven a warning look.

"Okay. Okay. Yikes! You're not in the mood today."

"What do you want? I'm busy."

Raven bounced on the white sofa by the corner of your office and sighed.

"My back hurts. Gosh, I should have chosen a better job scope."

"Psh. You love what you do."

"You're right. I love my work too much. Thanks to Mrs. Griffin!"

You peeked at her and found her smiling.

"What do you want, Rae?"

"Okay, let's get down to business," sitting up, "Mrs. Griffin invited  _us_ for dinner."

"No."

"Aha! I  _knew_ you would say that. So here's the proposition."

"She promised that Clarke wouldn't be at home. So it'll be just you, me and Abby."

You gave her a look, not believing a single word she says. From the very start you know that Raven is the master to trickery. By now you shouldn't have the trouble to differentiate the lying Raven and the genuine one, and she seemed to be telling the truth.

"Fine."

////

It's been 2 years since you went to the Griffin house. Every nook and cranny was like a puzzle for many but not to you. The girl who spent almost everyday with her best friend running in and out of the old house. It was your second home. The sense of security and family was undeniable.

However, now stepping inside the doorway. You felt weird because after 2 years it supposed to feel unwelcome. It supposed to make you feel unwanted and unguarded but it was the opposite.

"Lexa! You've made it."

"Goodevening, Mrs Griffin."

"Mrs Griffin? Call me Abby. How many times do I have to tell you?"

You knew this but after 2 years and the memorial, you've been calling her Mrs. Griffin and she had never complained about it. You don't know what made the difference now.

"Abby. Thank you for inviting me. Raven should be here shortly."

"Yes. Yes. Come on over to the dining room. The food should be ready soon."

You followed her footsteps. You couldn't shake off the feeling that the place is still the same. The ornaments are still at the same place. The books were never touched. The carpet was never changed but you knew it had been cleaned prior. The wall with little markings was still by the kitchen entrance. You used to tease Clarke  for being shorter than you which explains the red bold marker above all the lower markings below it. Clarke never let go of that one and you wondered, if you were to mock her again would you still receive the same annoying face.

You smiled at this thoughts. Somehow you hoped that it still doesn't change but you also knew 2 years was a long time, maybe things had change for the better.

"Take a seat."

"Thank you."

You pulled the cushioned chair, the one you always sits at and can't help but looked to your right, where  _she_ used to be.

"Don't worry. Clarke won't be back till later. She have her hands full tonight."

You nodded and smiled. Up to this point it was unimaginable that Clarke was a doctor now. Just few years ago, she was complaining to you how those thick books were cramming inside her head, that she started dreaming about talking books or books flying haphazardly. Clarke could almost swear they were planning to kill her at one point.

But now, she's living her dreams. Her dreams to be like her mom. You couldn't help but be happy for her.

"I understand, Abby."

"Well," she clapped her hands, "I'll be right back with the drinks."

////

"How was your dad, Lexa? It's been awhile since I've seen him."

You looked up and swallowed your food.

"He's been busy. Running the company by himself was a big task."

"But with you by his side I bet he couldn't be happier. He's been waiting for a long time for you."

A smile crept on your lips and nodded.

"I never intended to take over the company but with my dad's old age, I don't think I have any other choice."

"Honey, you're dad loves you and he would do anything to make you happy."

"I know... But I understand. I want my dad to be happy too. Especially, after mom died. I hardly see him smile anymore... Not that I see all the time."

You bowed down and felt your palm digging onto the stainless utensils. You could have said those words with too much venom but you knew that right now, when you felt you were mature enough you understood why your father did what he did. A soft and warm hand reached forward, Abby gave you a familiar smile. The smile that she always gives you when you talked about your dad. The kind of smile that tells you that she understands.

_**//// 5 years ago /////** _

"I hate my dad!"

"Boo, you can't hate your dad. You know he did everything he can to provide for you."

Lexa shakes her head in denial, everything she thought of. Everything that her dad did was completely out of line for her.

"He went to school and personally talked to the admin to change my major, Clarke. How do you expect me not to get mad?"

"I understand, Lexa but Gustus did that because he cares for you."

"No!" shaking her head violently, "He did that because he  _cares_ for himself. He  _cares_ for the company that he would gladly sacrifice her daughter's happiness."

"Lexa!"

Lexa turned around and clenched her jaw, watching Abby gripped her arms tightly.

"Don't speak to your father like that. You know he loves you with all his heart."

"But Abby he-...."

She held her hand up, making the brunette stopped talking.

"Whatever your dad did. He did it out of love. He did it because he cares for you. After your mom died..."

The brunette averted her eyes when she felt the tears were making its way out.

"He promised to her that he will take care of you and by all means, to make sure your future is secure. This company is the fruit and labor of you parents and that includes your mom, Lexa. This is their legacy. And all they want was for their one and only daughter to continue that."

"I just... Why can't he just talk to me first?"

Abby and Clarke gave her a look.

"You know he did, Boo. You're just being too difficult."

_**//// Present ////** _

Both of you heard the door closed and the older Griffin immediately stood up to greet Raven - but it wasn't her.

"Clarke!" Abby hugged her daughter, who's eyes landed on you, "You're home early."

"Yeah. Appointments were rescheduled next week. You're having dinner?" Clarke asked looking back her mom.

You sat there fidgeting at the hem of your shirt again. Your legs were bouncing underneath the table. You weren't ready for this, you didn't gave enough pep talk to yourself.

"Boo."

Your heart skipped a bit when your eyes landed on that familiar smile and blue eyes.

"Clarke."

Abby ushered Clarke with a tight smile, you saw this because she gave you an apologetic look. You shook your head and smiled. It was okay. It should be okay, after all, it's already been 2 years.

"What are we having?"

"Meatloaf."

Clarke caught your eyes but you quickly looked down on your plate. Never had you felt timid and shy around her before. It was weird.

"You're favorite, Boo," you looked up with a quizzical look. You never expected for Clarke to remember that.

"Of course! Lexa loves my home made meatloaf. I even baked her her favorite blueberry muffin for dessert."

"Hey! How come you never cooked for me? I'm your daughter you know," Clarke pouted.

Abby grinned, "We both know who's my favorite."

She looked at you and winked. You couldn't help but chuckled because it was always the same argument every time you had dinner at the Griffins.

Clarke crossed her arms, "I hate you both."

Your eyes resisted your brain from not looking at Clarke. Because those words somehow, took a jab onto your chest.

"Not...," Clarke's eyes followed yours and realized what she just said, "Not like that, Lexa. I never-..."

You shook your head, "It's okay, Clarke. I understand."

////

The dinner was awkward. As much as you tried to tell yourself that this is okay. That it's only one dinner. That you're going to strangle Raven to death for abandoning you. It still never fails to amaze how Abby took hold of the conversation.

"So Lexa, how's life at Ark City?"

"It was fascinating to live on your own. Being there alone without a dad was a new perspective. Surviving everyday with what you have but what's good about the city was that it's always busy. It helps to get your mind off things...," you cleared your throat because you didn't meant to say it  _that way._

////

"Oh yes! The city can be so hectic. Sadly, we didn't managed to catch up longer every time I was there."

"Yes. Been very busy."

Abby nodded, "Raven though was highly entertaining. With every visit to the hospital she would accompany me and spill the inside scoop on who's dating who. Who broke up with who."

Your mom laughed but there was a different ring into it. You knew your mom was trying her best not to make the situation awkward as it is. You should have stayed in your scrubs longer.

"You did mentioned you were working in an ad agency?"

"Yes, Ark agency. It was something new-..."

"What brought you back?"

You mentally slapped yourself for talking. Lexa and Abby looked at you as if you suddenly magically appear out of nowhere.

"I wasn't planning to return so soon."

You resisted a snort.

"But my dad needed help. So I had no choice but to come back."

"Hah, interesting," swallowing a mouthful of mashed potato.

Abby gave you a warning look which you gladly ignored.

"Why, I bet Gustus is very happy with you back, honey."

"Oh... yeah. I haven't seen my dad since I got back. He was on a business trip for a couple of months. So in the mean time I'll be assisting in the office."

"Well you're gonna do great!"

"Thank you," a giggle rang and you couldn't help but grip your napkin tighter. "I'm starting to enjoy it actually."

"Better than law?"

You looked to your left and Lexa was looking at you like she was afraid of something.

"I- I guess so... I stopped thinking about law once I landed in the city. It's better that way."

The atmosphere turned thick and heavy, and of course, there goes your mom to the rescue.

"Did you find any friends there?"

"Yeah, Raven was with me. So getting around the city weren't so bad. I also made some friends at work. We used to go out have dinner or drinks if time permits."

 

A silence followed next, then a clearing of throat and the scraping of chair, "Thank you for dinner, Abby. It's been lovely. I really miss your cooking."

"Of course. Who doesn't love my cooking, right Clarke?"

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Right, mom."

She stood behind the chair and said, "I'll see my way out. I guess I'll see you around, Abby."

Watching your mom and your ex-best friend hugging, made something inside your stomach swirled in jealousy.

"Clarke," she nodded to you.

////

Once the door closed, Abby walked up to you and glared.

"Clarke, that was out of line."

"What is?"

"Those questions were inappropriate."

"What's inappropriate, mom? I was genuinely curious why she came back. A couple of years ago, she happily hopped on the plane and left without saying a goodbye. And now she's back like _nothing_ ever happened?"

"Clarke-..."

"Mom! She left me without saying a word. How do you expect me not to react that way?"

"Clarke, you think by doing that everything will be okay between you two? I thought that's what you wanted to happen. I thought that's why you asked Raven to follow after her? So that Lexa won't be alone. So that you will have a peace of mind. I thought that's why you've been flying in and out of the city just to check on her?"

You turned away from your mom because she's right. Despite the fact that Lexa left you. Despite that she hid Finn's secret for months. Despite the fact that she had been avoiding you in any possible way.  _And_ despite of your bottled up emotions of anger and betrayal, you still deeply care for her. You still love her.

_**//// A year ago ////** _

"Are you sure you don't wanna come up?"

"Positive."

"She's upstairs you know. You can quit all this facade."

Raven slumped her arm on Clarke's shoulder with a goofy smile. Shutting her eyes for a brief second she peeled her arms away.

"Raven, please go up. You're drunk. You stink too."

"Hey! You're my sober partner! I  _deserve_ to get a break from  _her_ for crying for weeks... But then again, I can't escape _you_  because you kept coming every week! My gosh, Griffin! When are you gonna make up?! You're driving my head insane!"

Clarke sighed and pushed her friend to the door.

"Just take care of her, okay? I'll be back next week."

Raven leaned against the door and sighed back, eyeing her blondie friend.

"She misses you, you know. She kept blaming herself for whatever happened to you and Finn."

"That's not her fault. It's Finn's... and me too, for not seeing it sooner." Clarke shook her head and rubbed her eyes, "I miss her too. I want to see her, Raven. I want to see my best friend."

"There's the door."

"I can't do that... Not yet."

"She's right. You're such a sap with all this perfect timing. Always wanting things to be spontaneous and shit. What's stopping  your happy ever after, Griffin is _you and Lexa._ When are you gonna see that?!"

"I'm not ready, Raven! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Then why are you here then? Why did you flew across states to be in the city and asks questions about her? Why waste your time? Why waste your effort and resources when you could've just called me. Cut the crap Clarke. You were hoping to see how sad and lonely she was without you, well guess what! She is!"

"I  _know_ she is, Raven and so am I! I've never been separated from her  _this long._ You have no idea how much of a self control I'm having right now not to bust through that door and hug her...," she panted, "But I'm-... We're not yet ready... Not right now."

"Fine. But if all this secrecy went down the drain. I'm leaving your ass, Griffin."

The blonde grinned, "I know you will, Reyes. And I also happen to know that you'll come back running."

"I hate you. I hate what you've been asking me to do."

"You love me too much to resist. Goodnight, Reyes!"

She sneered as she watched Clarke made a turn to the corner. Giving the door knob a twist, she find the brunette staring again at the small box, she sighed.

_"Staring again, I see."_

_She sauntered forward and patted her._

_"I know it's hard and I know it still is even after a year. But whatever you're going through that you didn't wanted me to know. I'll wait till your ready. I stick to my words, Heda. I'm here for you 24/7," giving her sly smile, she leaned closer and peeked over her shoulders._

_"What's this?" pulling out ring, "Boo. Aawww... She made you a ring with your cute nickname."_

_**//// Present////** _

"Hey, wait!"

Turning around, you saw Clarke jogging after you. The street was now empty and there were no cars in sight. You really hoped that she's calling after somebody else but there was only you.

"Clarke. You should head inside it's cold."

Clarke ignored you.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For having dinner with my mom. She really misses you, you know."

"I missed her too."

The blue eyes looked at you with so much hope. You pursed you lips before smiling.

"Just her?

You shook your head, "Clarke..."

"You don't miss me, Boo?" She took a step forward and grabbed your hand, "Cause I missed you so much _."_

"Clarke."

"What is wrong, Lexa? Why are you still avoiding me? Aren't we supposed to move on what ever happened 2 years ago?"

Clenching you jaw, the tears were making its way out. You were never good with confrontations. You hated situations that threatens your chest to cave, break down and cry.

"Clarke, you know I've missed you. Every single day. You have no idea what I've gone through to forget about you. To forget-..."

"What you feel?"

You're eyes found the wet pavement, your combat boots, the dry leaves lying lifelessly everywhere - you found everything - except for that blue eyes.

"Clarke can we stop this? I don't wanna talk about it."

"Boo, how we -..."

" _Stop call me that!"_

Clarke was taken aback. You knew that she loves calling you 'Boo'. Taking that away from her was something that you've never thought of saying. However, now, now you saw what it does to Clarke.

"Stop- Stop call you that? You want me to stop calling you  _that_ name?" she let go of your hand which was now clenching tightly, "It's like you're asking me to stop being your best friend! Lexa... Is that what you want? You want to forget  _everything_ that we've shared for the past 4 years?"

This is not the kind of talk you want to have right now. You thought of leaving the Griffin apartment in a well and peaceful manner. Leaving no trace of distaste and remorse but right now, it is  _not_ going to be like that. You've concocted inside your head to have a polite and positive conversation with Abby - just Abby - but with Clarke's sudden arrival made a huge turn of events. Initially, you thought that it was going to be easy but as the night progresses it was getting harder.

_I wasn't ready for this._

"You weren't ready for what?"

You spoke it out loud.

"I'm  _not_ ready talking to you, Clarke."

Clarke understood - she always did, "When? Tell me when we can talk,  _Lexa._ I will be there."

As much as your thought your mind told you that it wouldn't be that bad but actually hearing Clarke saying your name was like taking a stake and pierced right through your chest with your own hands.

"May we meet again, Clarke."

And yet again, you left her in the cold. When you promised that you wouldn't.

_**////** **3 years ago ////** _

It was a cold december and a snow storm was coming. Clarke was all alone at home while her parents were stuck at their workplace until the storm blows over. She was about to turn in for the night when the doorbell rang.

"Boo?! What are you doing here? The snow storm's coming didn't you hear the news?"

Lexa shrugged her thick jacket off and shuddered by the cold wind that entered the house.

"I know. I can't just leave my best friend froze her ass off alone can't I?" Lexa said with a smirk, bringing to her chin a large paper bag.

Clarke grinned widely and flung her arms around the taller girl. With a peck on the cheek, she stole the paper bag and examined the contents.

"Yes! Ruffles! I love you, you know that?" squinting at her grinning best friend.

The brunette shrugged nonchalantly, "What can I do? I'm the best of the best."

Clarke snorted and pulled her hand up to her room.

////

"Cold. Too cold," the blonde grunted, squirming under her few layers of blankets.

Lexa peeled off the blanket and snuggled closer for warmth, "The heater was already in full blast and you're still cold."

"I  _hate_ cold, Boo. You know that."

"How could I forget! You stole my portable heater from my room!" pointing at the blue portable heater blasting heat directly over them.

Clarke rolled her eyes and snuggled closer to her chest, pulling her closer.

"Promise me, Lex," propping her arm up, looking directly on those green eyes, "You won't leave me freezing."

Lexa snorted, "I promise I won't leave your ass freezing, Griffin."

The brunette received a swat on her shoulder, scowling at her.

"I'm serious, Lexa!"

Lexa sighed, "I promise, Clarke. I promise I will not leave you in the cold."

**_//// 4 years ago ////_ **

"What game are you playing again, Heda?"

Lexa looked up from her book.

"What?"

"Clarke kept pestering me that you've been avoiding her  _again."_

"What? I'm  _not_ avoiding her, Raven," shaking her head in denial.

"Yeah sure! Just the other day you saw Clarke coming out of the cafe you made a U-turn," bring her thumb up, "When Octavia suddenly showed up during lunch last week, you scampered to the washroom - finding out that Clarke was with her. You're not answering her messages, calls, voice mails. Oh what else? Hmm?"

The girl clenched her jaw because she was caught again, "Look, Rae. Think whatever you want to think. I've already explained to you why I did those things."

"What? Because your dad suddenly needed you? You had a stomach ache? You're phone  _fell_ during bath."

"Exactly!"

"I know you, Lexa. I know how you fidgets with your shirt when you don't like the situation. How you clenched your jaw - which is what you're doing right now, by the way," Raven pointed out, "Clarke told me." She finished before Lexa could even ask how she knows all this things.

"Look," sighing, "It's not a big deal. I was just busy in school. Stressed out with my dad. Still mourning over my mom. What do you want from me?"

"Lexa," sitting down beside her, "we want  _you._ We know you're going through a lot right now but you don't have to go through it alone. We're here, you're friends.  _Clarke_ is here for you. Did you know she called me last night crying? She had a fight with her mom and she was calling you but you didn't picked up."

She saw that missed calls, 10 missed calls to be exact.

"It's past midnight, Raven. I'm already asleep."

"Still. You could have called her this morning but you didn't."

"I-..."

"Lexa," holding her hands, "What's going on?"

"There nothing-..."

"Cut the crap, Lexa. I know that you know that there's  _something's_ going on inside that annoying head of yours."

Lexa buried her face on her palms and sighed agitatedly, "I saw Finn the other day with a girl. He was touching her. They were making out. I walked up to him, he got mad. He tried to threaten me. He said if I told Clarke or anyone, she's going to hurt Clarke."

"That son of a bitch!"

Raven loudly cussed, pacing around the room

"Raven, you  _can't_ tell anyone!"

Raven's head snapped at her direction, "Not tell anyone? Lexa, Finn is cheating on our best friend! How do you expect me not to say anything?!"

"Raven! Please! He's going to hurt, Clarke. If anything happens to her... I can't forgive myself."

The girl finally sat back down and sighed, rubbing Lexa's back with soothing circles.

"We have to think about something, Lex. We can't let this go on."

"I tried... It's hopeless." 


	3. The Part About Costia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> Here's the new update! Hope you enjoy it! Oh! listen to Jealous by Labrinth while reading at the ending. I really love the song. It speaks my soul. Hit up those kudos and comments! Cant wait!
> 
> Cheers!

**_//// Present ////_ **

Things had been quiet around town, it had been 2 weeks since you last saw her - 2 weeks since that last dinner with her and you kept yourself busy. Occupied your time with things that matters. Your job, your mom and your friends. But item 2 and 3 always reminded you of her. So you crossed those two out and cooped up with your job - and everything was going smooth sailing... Until now.

"Griffin!"

You froze at your desk, gripping the chart with a startle. She had found you.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Placing the slightly crumpled chart inside the folder, you carefully turned around with a slight smile, "What do you mean?" looking innocent.

"Cut the act, Griffin. You think we didn't know you've been avoiding us?" Octavia leered at you as she stormed inside your office with a vengeance.

"What are you talking about, O?" acting all confused.

"2 weeks, moron! We've never seen you for 2 fucking weeks! You're mom thought you were going out with us but the fact is! You're acting all busy!"

" _I am busy!_ " you argued.

"Whatever, come on. I'm taking you outside! It's a sunday, for crying out loud," the girl cried stomping towards Clarke.

"I'm at work, Octavia. I can't just drop everything and go!"

"Okay, Okay. Hold up right there, Princess. I've already checked your schedule and it's your off day. So excuse you!"

Your eyes widened because your friend isn't supposed to be that smart enough to check on your schedule but you guessed you were wrong.

"Oct-..."

"No excuses!" You opened your mouth but Octavia was all like, "Shh- pfft -shh!" waving her hand in front of you. After accepting defeat, she pulled you out of the hospital door and into the cool afternoon breeze of the town.

It didn't take long for you and your best friend to be walking down the street with large paper bags stowed in your hands and a huge goofy grin plastered on your faces. Octavia was being Octavia - funny and witty. You love being around her.

"Thank you, O," you sighed as you collapsed on a chair by the small patio of the Grounder's cafe, "I really needed this."

"Hey, no problem that's what best friends are for! So whatcha want? My treat."

"Wow... I should do this more often," you smirked.

"Don't push it, Griffin," rolling her eyes.

You giggled by her reaction and said, "get me a matcha-..." as soon as those words left your lips. The image of a girl came parading in front of you. You thought you've seen her before. A beauty like that is very hard to miss in a small town like this. You knew her before but your brain stopped figuring it out and left you staring at her like a moron.

"Hello? Earth to Clarke?" O snapped her fingers in front of your face but you were still staring, "Oh my god. Seriously?"

Your best friend looked at you and the mystery girl - back and forth. But you were too busy to notice because the girl was walking away from the cafe with Matcha green tea latte at hand, busily sipping with her two straws and checking her phone with the other.

"Clarke! Snap out of it!"

You suddenly felt a stinging pain across your face sending you winced by the pain. Octavia was sure hella mad at you.

"When are you gonna stop doing that?! For the love of God, Clarke! Get over it!"

"I am over it!"

"Oh! Sure! Obviously gawking at Lexa was you being over it!" Octavia sighed exasperatedly and sat down opposite you. She took your hands and pleaded with her eyes, "Clarke, are you willing to spend more time staring at Lexa like a love sick puppy?"

"Octavia!" you hissed, pulling away your hands, "I am not a love sick puppy!" you looked down and caught yourself unconsciously playing with the hem of your shirt. You closed your eyes and took a heavy deep breath, and slowly and deliberately placed your hands over the table and counted to five.

_One... Two... Three... Four... Five._

And when you opened your eyes, Octavia was staring at you like a deer caught in a headlight.

"What the hell was that?"

"It's me getting rid of my habits."

"Getting rid of  _what_?" Octavia repeated, narrowing her eyes with curiosity, "Do tell. I'm curious what is this "getting rid of my habits" facade this time," she added with an air quotation.

You sighed and explained, "habits are hard to break. Especially if you kept doing it for years. So I've talked to Jackson the psychiatrist at the hospital what is the best way of getting rid of it. He told me it will take time and effort. So every time I caught myself doing  _those habits_ I'll close my eyes, drop what I'm doing and count to five. That's what I'm doing right now. It's simple and as I progresses on, hopefully it will get rid of the temptation and kept myself in check."

"Okay... So what is the purpose of this again?"

You swallowed hard because that's the question that you don't wanna answer.

"To forget."

Octavia nodded, "to forget...," gesturing for you to continue, "what?"

"Just... To forget," you shrugged.

"Yes, Clarke. I know that. But what are you trying to forget?... Wait," Octavia widened her eyes as if something clicked, "you were playing with the hem of your shirt. Just like how Lexa used to. God... Griffin. You really are something."

"It's worth a shot."

////

"Hey, you're back."

Your feet jumped in the air like you were suddenly electrocuted and your keys went flying out of your hand. Quickly, like scurrying little mouse, you cautiously looked behind the door where your kitchen stood and found a tall brunette girl bending over in front of your fridge. A sigh of relief escaped your lips when you found out who it was.

"What the hell?!" you hollered, picking up your keys, "Raven, how did you get inside my apartment?"

The girl turned around and took a sip from the juice carton, "I used my keys," she shrugged.

"Used  _your_ keys? Since when did you had keys to my apartment?"

"Okay! You caught me!" raising her hands up, "I don't have the keys. So I used my brain. I really had to go to the toilet so I break in inside your house. Pish - posh!" waving her hand as if it doesn't matter at all.

Your eyes went wide as a golf ball, "You break in into my apartment?! The hell, Reyes! What are you? Some trained burglar?"

"Engineer by day. Burglar by night," Raven winked, "I like that, Boo."

You grunted annoyingly and thought, how in the world did you managed to get friends like her.  _You've been mixing with the wrong crowd, Lexa!_

"Oh! By the way, some girl named Costia left you a message saying give her a call."

You stood rigid to your ground unable to move and once you pulled through the sudden difficulty; you were standing there left staring at your unmoved hand over your bedroom door knob.

"Who's Costia? Never heard her before. Did you made friends when you got back here?" Raven called out.

"Uh... Yes! Just a friend I met in the street. No big deal," you replied as you pushed opened the door and hastily shut it behind you.

This is not what you have expected. You thought you already left everything behind at Ark City but why is she still following you now like a ghost?

"Dear Lord... What am I doing?"

You pulled out your phone and scrolled down the contact list and her name came into view. Your thumb was hovering it, apprehensive if you should do it but the memories was far too painful to remember.

_**///// A year ago /////** _

"Christ...," Lexa pursed her lips tightly shut, she doesn't want to curse anymore than she should. Her day was a disaster, she woke up late because she didn't hear her alarm, she forgot to charge her phone, Raven left the back door open - attracting the stupid stray cat to enter their home, eating  _her_ breakfast prepared by her housemate and now, she's phasing back and forth, fingering the hem of her shirt still pursing her lips.

_Dammit! Stupid fucking trains!_

Her mind wasn't that obedient though.

"Ugh!" she ruffled her hair in annoyance, heaving heavily. She hated her day so much!

_"Here."_

Lexa's eyes snapped up and found the most brownest eyes she have ever seen. It's intriguing and captivating that she literally stared at it for a good few seconds until the person cleared her throat and asked a question which she vaguely heard.

"Take one. It'll help you brightens your day," the person smiled.

The following actions that ensued was Lexa thanking the girl for the chocolate bar and taking a bite from it. The person's smile grew wider as if she had won something.

"Costia."

The brunette nodded, still chewing. Costia tilted her head and smiled again.

"Oh... I'm so sorry," extending her arm which the girl gladly shook, "Lexa. Thank you again for this," raising the chocolate bar.

"No problem. Glad I can help."

They entered the train and squeezed in into the crowded car, "Do you love sardines?" Lexa asked, moving backwards for other commuters to enter.

"Not really. Why?" Costia replied moving in closer to the brunette.

"Because we're like a human sardine right now!" Lexa beamed feeling proud of her joke.

Costia looked at her with a poker face.

Her chest deflated, "Okay fine. It's lame. Whatever," she pouted, averting her eyes away.

Then a loud guffaw erupted in the car and Lexa stood rooted staring at the girl hysterically laughing her heart out.

Costia then sighed and rubbed away her tears from the corner of her eyes, "I'm sorry. You're just funny."

"The joke?" Lexa peeked at her curiously.

"No. You're priceless reaction. That really made my day," the girl cheekily grin.

The brunette snickered and shook her head, "at least we're even."

"True that."

_**//// Present /////** _

"Hey Boo, when are you gonna come out of there?"

You suddenly snapped out of your trance and realized you were still holding your phone and hovering at the contact list.

"In a minute!" you called back.

Quickly, you stripped off your clothes and put on a more comfortable clothes and exited out of the room. Raven was already comfortably sprawled on the sofa, mindlessly, flicking through the channels.

"Man, useless shows we have tonight, Boo."

You hit the girl's legs, making her scowl at you and bend her knees so that you can sit.

"Just choose a channel already!" You huffed annoyingly.

"Jeez, so cranky. Is that time of the month again?" the girl asked, settling for the CW channel.

You shook your head and ignored her the entire night. When Raven can't take the silent treatment anymore, she pulled up your hands from your lap and laid her head with a grin. You rolled your eyes.

"What do you want?"

"I'm hungry," she pouted, looking at you  like a little baby.

"Then grab something to eat."

"I'm lazy."

"Then order something."

"I'm broke...," smiling sheepishly.

"God... Why am I stuck with a person like you?"

"Because you love me."

"Nope," shaking your head, "definitely not that one. "

////

An hour through a documentary of some car restoration that you have no interest about. Raven broke the silence and glanced at you, "what's wrong, Lexa?"

"Nothing," you simply said, picking up another slice of the pizza.

"That's not nothing," flinging her finger all over your face.

"Raven." You gave her a stern look to convey to shut it with the questions but obviously, Raven ignores that.

"It is about Clarke?"

"No," and you knew this time round it wasn't about your best friend... Or ex best friend.

"Costia?"

You just sighed. Now you've attracted Raven's full undivided attention just when you're starting to feel okay.  _Damn those documentaries still didn't get the attention away from me._

"Do tell!"

//// _ **A year ago**_ ////

"So uh... This is me," Lexa gestured to the building behind her, "I better head in. I'm really running late."

"Of course. So I guess I'll see you around, Lexa. It's great bumping into you," Costia smiled half-heartedly.

"Yes, it was. Thank you again for the chocolate bar, Costia," the brunette nodded, making her steps away from the girl who apprehensively waved goodbye, "I'll see you around." With a final smile, she turned around and walked up the stairs when scrambling of footsteps stopped her.

"Lexa!"

Costia was right in front of the brunette, completely startled by the sudden close proximity. "Um... Here's my card. Call me? Text me? Or something. I don't know," the girl giggled nervously as she handed her business card, making Lexa smiles even wider.

"Thank you, Costia. Um... I really have to go," giving her a apologetic smile.

"Yes! Sorry for holding you up. Well happy working," side stepping out of the way and Lexa went running for the entrance.

_***A week later*** _

"You're back late again," Raven pointed out, while licking off ice cream from the tub.

"Business meeting with a client," she murmured not giving any eye contact at all. Raven suddenly jumped in front of Lexa who patted her chest with a startle.

"Hmm," Raven squinted as she studies the brunette's face, "you okay, Lexa? You seem pretty flustered."

"Yes, Raven," she answered too curtly, raising an eyebrow from her roommate. Raven opened her mouth but was cut by the annoyed brunette, "I'm tired, Rae. Step aside."

The girl raised her hands in defense and side stepped, "So cranky. Is it that time of the month already?"

"You gotta stop using that line," pushing her door open.

"Hey Lexa," Lexa faced her, "you got a lipstick mark on your neck," Raven smirked.

_**//// Present////** _

"That's why you've been M.I.A. for so many weeks! You naughty little girl!" Raven clawed at you playfully, waggling her eyebrows.

You leaned away and scowled at your friend, you hated it when Raven think of you that way. Although, she was right you did sneaked around and hid Costia from everyone else. As if she's your dirty little secret to keep. You're little lies to be sealed. It was good few weeks of your life but things came crumbling into pieces when you know you shouldn't be doing what you were doing.

"So why am I getting the vibe that you're not happy that she called?"

"Some things happened that I don't wanna talk about," you stood up from the sofa and quickly dusted your hands. "Clean up, please."

Raven pouted at you and pretend to cry like a baby, "Leeexxaaa," she whined pulling on your pants.

"What?" you sneered.

The girl was taken aback, "So cold. Why are you so cold."

"Yeah, I'm the mothafucking ice queen."

//// _ **A year ago**_ ////

It had been weeks since Lexa been seeing Costia and it was going great. They spent their time going to the movies, bars, restaurants, or exploring the city. Nothing gets better than that. Lexa could honestly say that she was happy and contented. Costia makes her happy but why does she still feel empty?

 _She shouldn't be,_ She thought.

"I shouldn't be at all," she whispered, silently pushing the door open trying not to wake her roommate up.

 _"What do you mean? No... She can't be. Trust me! No... She's not home yet.... You know I will. That's why I'm here for right?... You really got to stop this.... What do you mean by that?... No! That's impossible. It's Lexa we're  talking about here. She won't do that. She would have told me!... Well you saw wrong!..."_ Lexa saw Raven pacing up and down inside her room, sighing from time to time. The brunette furrowed her eyebrows and continue to listen intently to whomever Raven was arguing with.  _"Will I see you next week? Still a no? That's straight 3 weeks, Doc... What got you all riled up and suddenly not appearing before my doorstep anymore?... What is it that you're not telling me?... Whatever. Eventually, you're gonna give in anyways.... LEXA!"_

Lexa suddenly straightened up and flushed red for being caught eavesdropping. Raven quickly said her goodbyes to the person from the other end and walked up to the brunette with a smile, "coming home late again? 3 weeks, Boo. You getting busier everyday. I might get jealous, you're not having enough quality time with your best friend." 

The girl rolled her eyes, "Go to bed, Rae. It's late," turning to her door across the hallway.

"Hey Lex," Lexa turned around.

"What?"

Raven opened her mouth but closed them again, giving a small smirk, "Nothing. Rest well. See you in the morning."

That night when Raven laid down on her bed, her phone dinged making her fully wide awake.

(1:48 am) Princess Clarke: I know what I saw, Raven. I'm busy. I don't think I can make it. I'm sorry. Goodnight, Rae.

She sighed, she wasn't sure to believe it or not. She hadn't seen Clarke for the past few weeks and it made her wonder what changed. Normally, the blonde would message or call if she won't be able to make it for that particular week but so far, for almost a year Clarke always come without fail. Only recently, did she realized that Clarke was avoiding her messages and call and being physically M.I.A. Raven wasn't sure what was going on and neither does she know what the hell is going on with Lexa almost going home past midnight for past few weeks. As if both of her best friends were keeping her in the dark.

That night she finally managed to reach Clarke and went on full swing on her. She couldn't believe what the blonde was instigating about Lexa  because there's no way that she has a girlfriend that she doesn't know about. There's got to be an explanation why she comes home late almost every night.

_**//// Present////** _

"Answer me truthfully, Lexa. Is Costia the one you were with when you started coming home late?"

You were silent. You were avoiding her eyes. You knew too well that being quiet was an indication of confirmation, so there's no point in answering verbally.

"Oh god... So what Clarke was saying was true. She saw you," Raven tutted, slumping back on the sofa.

You gave her a look, "what are you talking about, Rae? What do you mean by what Clarke saw?"

"Nothing! You should head to bed! It's pretty late. Still have work tomorrow!" you felt Raven pushing you towards the bedroom but you quickly turned around glared at her threateningly.

"Say it."

Raven exaggeratedly cried, burrowing her face onto the sofa, "I can't!"

"Raven!" pulling away the throw pillows that she buried herself into.

"I promised, Clarke!"

"What? What did you promised her?" sitting down still trying to stop the girl from burying her head down. "RAVEN! WILL YOU FUCKING TALK TO ME!"

"Okay! Clarke's gonna screw me over... I promised to her that I won't tell you that she've been seeing you."

"What?" you were still confused of what the hell Raven was saying.

"Clarke flew to Ark City every week to check on you," the girl quickly pursed her lips from babbling.

You sat frozen on your seat. Your throat suddenly felt tight that with a single movement you'll gonna have a coughing fit. The hands that were once relaxed was now rigid and tightly clenched into a fist. Your eyes were staring at Raven with much depth. You knew that the Raven was cringing before you but you didn't see that. You didn't at all because all you could see right now was Ark City. The mystery girl. The blonde girl who haunts your everyday life. That with every corner you turn the blonde head was there. Those cryptic notes that was left on the table that you mindlessly stowed in your jean pocket when Costia wasn't looking. The familiar sweet smell of lilac blowing past you making you smile. Everything... Everything falls into pieces.

"How long?" your expression was unreadable and with Raven grimacing you knew that she knew this was bad news.

"A year or so," she whispered.

No...," shaking your head relentlessly, "I don't believe you."

"Lexa, I'm telling the truth. Why would I lie?" sitting back up feeling offended of being called a liar.

"No! Clarke wouldn't do that," you chuckled ridiculously, suddenly feeling the sting in your eyes. You quickly ducked your head and wipe away the tears.

"Lexa-..."

You stood up and walked off.

_"Lexa!"_

//// _ **A year ago**_ ////

After paying for their meal, Lexa quickly stepped back to their table when she noticed something bright in the corner of her eyes. She slightly turned and found a blonde girl having her back on her all alone by the bar. It made her stomach swirled.

"Lex! You coming?" Costia called back from the entrance.

"Yes! My purse," she quickly grabbed her bag and made out of the restaurant.

"That was good. I'm full!" her date happily chuckled, rubbing her stomach.

"Yes, me too! We should go back there again."

"You betcha! It's been fun restaurant hopping with you, Lex. I'm really having fun."

Lexa stopped beside Costia's car by the parking lot and smiled, "Me too. It's been great."

"Lex...," She quickly noticed the way the girl's eyes seemed to darken and the sudden closeness between them. It startles Lexa but Costia got her tightly held by the waist. "Thank you."

Those lips were chapped and dry. It made her think that Costia should drink more water. When she didn't respond to the sudden kiss, Costia pulled back and apologized, "I'm sorry. I thought... I just thought that we're okay, you know."

"No," shaking her head, "We're fine, Costia," suddenly the blonde head  from the bar appeared at the back of her head and it made her feel giddy.

Without thinking about her next action, she pulled Costia by the neck and met those chapped lips again. She licked it trying to ease the coarseness, receiving a soft moan from the girl. Her waist suddenly felt the strong grip of the girl and felt her back leaning against the car. She gasped as she closes her eyes feeling Costia peppering kisses on her jawline and down to her neck.

"Lex...," the girl whispers in between kisses.

"Costia," gripping on the girl's waist. The girl didn't seem to hear her. "Costia," she sounded more firm, it made Costia look at her with concern.

"Lex?"

"I think we better head home."

"Oh. Okay," Costia mumbled silent, as she pressed on her keys making the car beeped loudly at the already empty lot. "Hope in, I'll give you a ride home."

"I- I'm fine. I'll walk home. My place isn't far from here," she smiled curtly.

"Are you sure? It's pretty late, you might get mugged or something."

Lexa gave her a sly look, "I think I can handle myself. I know kung fu," making a kung fu move with her hands.

Costia chuckled, "Sure, whatever you say, Lexa. Text me when you reached home?"

Lexa nodded and waited for Costia to exit out of the lot. Once the car turns small until it disappears from a distance, the brunette took the opposite road and checked her phone.  _It'll take me almost an hour of walking home,_ she thought. She heaved a heavy breath and started to trek home.

//// An hour later////

When she opened the door, Raven was still up and busily licking away from the ice cream tub.

_"You're back late again."_

_"Business meeting with a client," she said quickly making an escape for the bedroom. Annoyingly, Raven suddenly popped right in front of her with scrutinizing eyes._

_"Hmm. You okay, Lexa? You seem pretty flustered."_

_I just walked thousand of miles! Of course, I'm flustered! She thought._

_"Yes, Raven," she answered quickly, only getting a suspicious look from her roommate._

_Lexa saw that Raven was about to say something that she doesn't wanna hear about, so she cut her, "I'm tired, Rae. Step aside."_

_The girl raised her hands in defense and side stepped, "So cranky. Is it that time of the month already?"_

_"You gotta stop using that line," she monotonously grumbled._

_"Hey Lexa," she turned around expectingly._

_"You got a lipstick mark on your neck," Raven smiled at her smugly._

Lexa quickly shut the door behind her and craned her neck on the mirror. She winced because there's a smeared of red lipstick all over her neck. Without hesitation, she stripped away her clothes and hopped in into the shower. Letting that hot water scald her bare back and grudgingly, rub her neck clean.

"Hey Lex!" She heard Raven shouted from outside her door. "Clarke.... Shit!"

She heard the girl cursed on the other side as if saying something she shouldn't be.

_Clarke... The blonde girl from the bar..._

Lexa quickly shampooed her hair and rub soap all over her body. As if she cannot wait to sleep and get that image of that blonde girl from the bar away from her mind. When she stepped out of the shower, Raven was waiting for her by the bed.

"Did you said something just now?" she asked as if she didn't hear what Raven exactly said.

"Oh nothing! I was just saying goodnight!" Raven quickly stood up and waved at her too enthusiastically, "Goodnight, Lexa."

She nodded, "Goodnight, Raven," she greeted while drying her hair with a towel.

Her roommate scrambled towards the door but then suddenly turned around and said, "Lex, I'll be home late tomorrow so don't stay up, okay?"

"Where you going?"

"Meeting a client," Raven smiled smugly at Lexa as if sharing some inside joke.

Lexa narrowed her eyes, "Okay."

//// 30 minutes later////

After checking that Lexa is silently snoring across the hallway, Raven quickly dialed the number. The girl answered on the third ring.

"Hey Clarke," she greeted sitting down on her bed.

"Hey," the voice was small and solemn, as  if the blonde had been crying.

"Are you okay?" feeling the tinge of concern.

"I'm fine, Raven. Is she asleep?" the girl slurred.

"Clarke, are you drunk?! Where are you?! I'm picking you up!"

"Some bar. I don't know," Clarke hiccuped and followed by a sniffle.

"Have you been crying?"

Raven could hear the light sob from across the line, "Raven... I think it's too late."

"Too late? For what?... Hello? Clarke?! Hello!" Raven looked down on her phone, Clarke Griffin disconnected on her.

//// Present////

"Hey Doc!"

"Yes? Can I help you?" you were startled by the beaming face inches from yours, "Raven! What are you doing here?"

Raven shrugged and walked side by side with you and the silence that followed made you roll your eyes because your best friend was being oddly quiet _again_.

"What do you have to apologize for this time?" a sigh escaped your lips as you peeks at her with a stern look. It was obvious, that was her silent 'I'm sorry' facade since college. 

Raven grinned and raised a peace sign. You puffed impatiently and grunted in defeat. "Which one?"

"Weekly flights," she grinned cheekily.

"Oh God... Raven, the fuck!" but quickly covered your mouth and looked around at the nurses who could possibly heard you; not that they've never done it before. 

"But! There's good news!" Taking a step back cautiously, as if what she was about to say will backfire on her.

"Oh goodie!" sarcastic claps resounded followed by an eye roll that you were so famous for.

"She didn't believed it!" Raven clapped her hands and gasped enthusiastically, "Isn't that great news, Clarke!"

"You're unbelievable," shaking that blonde head once more and left the girl staring at you in bewilderment.

"Clarke!" copying your fast pace walk, "am I forgiven?"

"Forgiven?!" you spat, looking at her ridiculously, "I haven't even forgiven you the first time. You really suck at keeping your mouth shut, Reyes."

"Oh sure! I'll accept that  _IF_ you talk to Lexa already! Jeez, woman. Could you imagine all the things that you made me do?! You should be owing me a favor!"

"Okay! Fine! You're forgiven. Happy?"

The girl nodded and grinned widely, "Very."

"But Raven you've got to promise me... Swear with all your heart and soul not to tell her the things that we did."

"Which was?" squinting her eyes.

"You know...  _The thing_. That  _we_ did," You were nodding as if manipulating Raven to nod along with you.

"Oh!" Those brown eyes widened in realization, "Of course! Of course," she quickly turned crimson red by the thought of it. She too realized that you turned red ducking your head quickly on the clipboard that magically appeared on your doctor hands.

She cleared her throat, "All of our secrets are safe, Clarke. What  _we_ did or what  _you_ did... It's all safe."

"It better be! Or I will rip that vocal chord of yours into pieces."

Raven gasped and backed away from the doctor, covering her neck in horror.

"Now, now, Clarke. We don't have to be violent," chuckling uneasily, taking a step back from the approaching blonde.

"So you better take our last remaining secrets to the grave... If you still wanna talk," you threatens in a whisper, making Raven shroud into a tiny little cocoon.

"Yes, mam!"

//// _ **A year ago**_ ////

"Are you arriving tomorrow?" Raven asked enthusiastically. It had been a month since the last time she had seen Clarke and she really misses her company.

A sigh crosses the receiver and the engineer knew what it meant. "How long till next time, Clarke?"

"I don't know. Maybe never."

"Never?! Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? Is it me? Let me make it up to you!" touching her chest feeling hurt.

"Raveeenn...," she knew that the blonde was rolling her eyes at her, "stop being so melodramatic. It's not like we're not gonna see each other forever."

"But still."

"I know you miss my sexy fine ass but... I really can't leave now. Not yet."

"Same lame excuse, Griffin. Better make a new one next time," Raven said, twirling her ponytail with a smirk.

A rough laughter meets her ear, making her smile wider. "You're right. I need to up my game. So how- How is she?"

Raven stepped out of her room and saw the brunette watching tv with a loud volume. "Same I guess. She's been going home pretty late this past month. Meeting clients, she said. You're boo is very busy, Princess."

"I can see that," the way that Clarke said it, it may appeared bitter and has a meaning to it but even if Raven realized this she didn't say anything.

"Yeah," returning back to her room closing her door behind her softly, "What about you? How are you holding up?"

A silence followed, the engineer knows that Clarke was weighing her options to tell her the truth or lie. "I'm fine. Been busy with the hospital and my mom, you know. Pressure for the little princess," the blonde chuckles throatily.

"I bet it was. But you're gonna be great. You always are."

"Gee, thanks, Rae. Now, I know how much you misses me. You're starting to give compliments without being forced to."

Raven laughed loudly, looking outside the window where by the sidewalk there were kids playing soccer and the ball landed on another lady's feet. Raven noticed that was pretty with her bun up and appears to be waiting for someone.

"Yeah, you know me too well. I don't compliment people unless that somebody is me," she shrugged with a toothy grin.

"You are  _so_ full of yourself!"

"You love me!" she bellowed, grinning as she watches people below her walking around. The lady in green seemed to be talking on the phone, when the mysterious girl glanced up at her direction she quickly hid behind the curtains.

_"Raven!"_

"Got to go, Griff Griff. You're Boo needs me. I'll talk to you soon," walking towards the door.

"Oh alright then. Nice chatting with you. Oh yeah, Rae?"

Raven stopped her walking and listened carefully, "Yes, Clarke?"

"Please take care of her."

"You know I will."

////

_**Ring Ring Ring** _

Lexa quickly picked up her phone and smiled at the name that flashed on the screen.

"Hey!" she happily chirped.

"Hey Lex. Are you free today?"

"Why?" she questions ducking down her head and looking back at Raven's closed bedroom door.

"Let's go out. I got a pair of free ticket to see this concert tonight and I was hoping you might wanna join me."

"Oh! Wow. Um...," glancing back again on her roommates door where she could hear a loud laughter escaping from it. "Okay. I'll go."

"Great! I'll be waiting downstairs."

"Downstairs? You're already downstairs?!" Lexa quickly scrambled into the kitchen window and saw Costia looking up at her direction. "Alright alright. I'll be quick, give me 10 minutes top."

"Take your time. I'll be in the car."

"Alright. See you," she quickly ended the call and called out for Raven, "Raven!"

Footsteps were coming towards her as she waited for the door to finally open.

"Hey, what's up?" emerging out of the room with a big grin.

"I'm going out. I'll be late so don't wait up," stepping inside her bedroom.

Raven followed her closely behind as she stripped her shirt and shorts away and checked her closet for something appropriate for a concert.

"Where you going?" the girl asked flopping on the bed with a grunt.

"Just out. Had to finish a report for work."

"Report huh," Raven squinted with smug on her face, "right. Leather jacket and skinny jeans to work. Very casual, Lex."

"It's- It's a saturday, Rae," rolling her eyes as she picks up her purse and out of the door she went.

"Guess so," still following the brunette's footsteps until the front door, "Well you kids have fun," she waved off with a wink.

////Present////

"Did you know about Lexa dating at that time?"

You looked up from your caesar salad and gave a small nod. 

"Like I told you I saw her with someone." 

"And I didn't believed you," Raven tutted, "I'm sorry." 

"It doesn't matter. Its ages ago. We've moved on," a smile appeared on your lips as you picks back up your fork. 

"Are you happy?" 

You stopped your chewing and pondered. Raven noticed how distant her best friend's look was, it made her heart cry. She knew how much Lexa means to Clarke and being them separated was unimaginable just like how the red sea suddenly parted and created a tall wall. Their friends knew how the two best friends act around each other, they're like two strong magnets that can't be separated but with the turn of events the other one flipped and now were repelling from each other. 

"Yes," you muttered, eyeing her with a soft smile, "At first, I thought I couldn't live without her because we did everything together. We knew each other so well that we don't have to speak to know what each other was thinking. It was a scary thought- finding out that she just suddenly vanished from my life. I know it was my fault too because I chased her away," playing around with the lettuce, Raven could see the tinge of regret and hollowness that settled on the girl's voice, it's disheartening to watch, "I thought I could make it up to her. I thought by suddenly showing up in Ark City she would forgive me and come back. Those were my thoughts every single time I stepped into the plane. That was my goal but once I see her face smiling, laughing like how she should be. I- I couldn't see myself stopping that because of how oblivious I was with what she had gone through because of me... So I decided to step back and watch from a distant. It's enough... It's enough for me to see her be happy even without me." 

"But why did you stopped coming?" 

You opened your mouth but closed it again and gave Raven a smile. The engineer rolled her eyes and chuckled. 

"I should have seen that coming," shaking her head with a sigh. 

//// A year ago ////

Those blonde hair were shoved back by her shaking hands. Her internal organs were screaming, cringing and seething in anger, frustration and regret. She should have made a move. She should have said something. She shouldn't have acted coward and hide. Now everything. Everything is too late. 

Her squeaky chair made a sound as she stumbled out of the bar. Her head was spinning but she was sober enough to see straight and watch where she was going. The night was cold and due to her hectic schedule in the hospital she didn't managed to pack enough thicker clothes before arriving to the plane at the last minute. So she stuffed her hands inside her leather jacket pockets and puffed as she treks back to her hotel. 

What she saw back there was...

 _No! Don't Clarke. Lexa wouldn't do that,_  she thought. 

 "Just go home and sleep," she reminded herself as she checks on her dad's wrist watch and sighed, "been awake for 20 hours now. God..." 

As she hugs her jacket closer to her shivering body, she was fast approaching the parking lot. Suddenly her legs were glued to the ground and her eyes were prancing at two girls making out at an empty parking lot. Her stomach dropped when she saw who it was. 

_"Lexa..."_

_"Costia.... Costia," the brunette pulled the other girl away from her body._

_"Lex?..."_

_"I think we better head home," Clarke could see the uncertainty on Lexa's face._

_"Oh. Okay..." The sound of the car made Clarke jumped to her feet and quickly scrambled out of the way before anyone could see her. So she hid behind a huge tree by the exit and watched the two girls, "Hope in, I'll give you a ride home."_

_"I- I'm fine. I'll walk home. My place isn't far from here."_

_"Are you sure? It's pretty late, you might get mugged or something."_

_"I think I can handle myself. I know kung fu," Lexa suddenly swift her arms around like a kung fu master. It made something swirled inside her chest because she's still the Lexa that she knew. Somehow a small smile crept on her lips._

_She heard a chuckle and she knew the unknown girl that Lexa called Costia was making it, " Sure, whatever you say, Lexa. Text me when you reached home?"_

Clarke frowned as she watches the car disappears at a distance while Lexa standing alone in the dark, staring. The hollowed look urged the blonde to walk up to her and revealed herself but her pride says so otherwise. So she watched the brunette sighs and walks on the opposite direction. 

//// Present//// 

"I watched her go," murmuring silently, "I kept having this pep talk to myself to just call for her name and voila! Here I am!" Waving your hands like a magician but slowly that grin turns into a frown, "but I didn't. I watched her walk away and I silently walked behind her."

"You followed her," Raven peeked behind her diet coke.

"I did. I can't let her walk on her own, Rae. Its a big city. Muggers are everywhere!" Widening your blue eyes. 

"Oh right because doctor Griff Griff does not only fights off diseases but also robbers that lurks in the night," she grins making you roll your eyes. 

"I'm Wanheda mothafucker!" 

And Raven threw her head back, laughing. 

//// A year ago ////

Lexa made a right turn in the corner and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Looks up and raised her arms in the air as if she's taking a picture of something above her. Clarke looked up and smiles. The moon is wide awake, illuminating light above them. Despite the city lights overpowering the stars, the moon was there to guide them. 

"May we meet again," Lexa mumbled to herself. 

Her hand grips the brick wall until her palm turn white. Those words... Clarke couldn't help but...

_"MEOW!" A white cat with glistening blue eyes jumped out of nowhere and snarled at her._

_"Fuck!" Clarke yelped as she stumbles back onto the trash can, sending the lid toppling on the side walk. Sending her teeth to grit from the shattering sound of metal hitting the concrete floor._

_"Sshh! Shoo! Shoo! Bad kitty!" Waving it away from her before the brunette finds her. "Go away! Shoo!"_

_The cat stood there staring at her as if she's the most fascinating thing that she had ever seen. Those blue eyes were staring back at her with wonder, tilting its little white head. As she desperately waving it away._

_"Who's there?" The girl's voice echoed pushing Clarke to sprint for her life to a dark alley way, hiding behind a dumpster._

_"Aaaww... Well hello there little fella," the brunette cooed, kneeling down and pets the cat's head. "What are you doing here, little one?"_

 The car purred and pushes her head under the girl's palm. Clarke peeked behind the dumpster and couldn't help but smile at how adorable the scene was. Carefully and quietly, she pulled out her phone and took a snapshot of Lexa and the cat. 

"What's your name, hmm? You don't a collar around you...," the cat looked up at Lexa and purred, hopping on the girl's lap. The girl grins, "I should name you Clarke." 

The blonde's eyes widens upon hearing her name. 

"Your eyes reminds me alot like hers. Mesmerizing... But I'm pretty sure Raven's gonna tease me about it," Lexa pouted, "maybe... Wanheda. Fierce and brave commander." 

The soft giggle that escaped the brunette's lips brought Clarke's chest swell with joy. She hates to admit it but seeing Lexa happy living her own life without her, made her heart quench with sadness and jealousy but Clarke also knew that Lexa is happy, moving on. 

"Hey where you going, Wanheda?" 

Clarke watches the cat waltz out of the girl's lap and into another alley. The look on Lexa's eyes was solemn and this made her wonder if that's how the brunette looks at her when she pushed her away. 

"May we meet again, Wanheda. I wish you happiness," Clarke couldn't help but feel as if those words were meant for her. 

"I wish you happiness too, Boo," she silently whispered with teary eyes. 

Lexa stood up, dusted her bottom and walked back to her street. Clarke followed silently and peeked by the corner, as Lexa opens the door to their apartment and disappears.  

//// Half an hour later ////

She found herself again sitting alone by some bar, drinking herself to oblivion. She laughed, shaking her head as the alcohol slid down her throat making her feel warm and tingly inside. 

_Lexa is happy. She's happy without me. *laugh*_

"So what are you still doing here, Clarke? Hmm? Move on!" The blonde hiccups, feeling her tears rolling down her cheeks. "Lexa's happy," she whispers staring at her glass of - don't know how many - yellowish liquor. 

 She felt something buzzing beneath her and found her phone screen flashing before her eyes. 

_"Hey Clarke."_

_Clarke closed her eyes, "Hey."_

_"Are you okay?"_

_"I'm fine, Raven. Is she asleep?" As much as she tried to talk straight, the slur still managed to escape._

_"Clarke, are you drunk?! Where are you?! I'm picking you up!" She winced at Raven's voice and brought the phone away from her ear._

_"Some bar. I don't know," She hiccuped, trying to clear her sniffles._

_"Have you been crying?"_

_Clarke sighed hearing the concern in the girl's voice. Feeling her walls breaking down again, letting the water gate opens itself._

_"Raven... I think it's too late," she whispers desperately._

_"Too late? For what?..."_

Clarke didn't let Raven finish with her words and drop her phone on the table with a loud thud and shoves her hair back, crying. 

//// Present ////

"I hated that cat," Raven shook her head in disgust, "she eats everything! The day that Lexa brought that cat home. Oh dear Lord... I swear to God I wanna shred it into pieces!"

"Raven!" You gasped in horror.

"I swear to you, Clarke," waving her index finger in front of your face, "that cat wants me dead." 

"Oh looks like I'm not the only one," you smirked widely. 

Raven sneered and said in a genuine voice, "Lexa loves that cat more than anything. Those two were inseparable. Oddly enough, she calls it Wanheda. Who the hell calls a cat Wanheda?! What does it even mean?"

You couldn't help but smile reminiscing that night. 

_"Fierce and brave commander."_

The warmth that it brought makes your heart swell. It made you believe that Lexa still cares and thinks about you. 

"I think I find it cute and alluring. Like there's a sense of prowl and fierce..." you thought wonderfully. 

"I don't know how both of your heads think so much alike. That's exactly how she said it," shaking her head. "But seriously, Clarke. You should talk to Lexa."

You gave her the look, "oh gee! I never thought of that! Hmm," tapping your chin exaggeratedly, followed by an eye roll. 

"Clarke!!!" You snapped your head up too quickly, sending you to groan in pain, "ouuww..." Rubbing your nape. "What do you want, Rae?" 

Dinner! Friend of mine works at this restaurant. Pretty cool vibe. Layback. Whatcha think?" Raven beamed at your direction too widely, leaning forward on the table. 

With squinted eyes you look at her apprehensively, "Please! Pretty please?" Pulling on your forearm, "I'll invite everyone! It'll be exciting! Our second reunion!" 

"Raven... I don't think that's a good idea," remembering how strong the tension between you and Lexa whenever you were in the same room. 

"Lexa won't be there! She's busy helping her dad's company doing God knows what. So? Yes? No? Yes? Yes? Yes?" 

"Are you sure? Cause I don't think I'm ready yet facing Lexa again." 

"Clarke its over. Past is past. Move on. So what if she kept Finn's secret? It was for your own good." 

"I know, Rae. I just...," you took a deep breath and looked outside the window, "I just can't help but blame myself for not seeing it sooner. For putting Lexa on the spot with Finn. For pushing her away. For being mad at her for appearing at my house and act as if nothing had happened. I can't seem to forgive myself for everything that had happened. I feel like all the effort I did was useless and brought me nowhere." 

"Clarke, if you're asking for forgiveness... It's time to talk," grabbing the doctor's warm hand, "it's time to let go... It's time to talk to Boo." 

//// 4 days later ////

"Everybody's here?" Anya clapped her hands together and grinned. 

"Oh gosh, I've missed you guys so much!" Octavia  pulled Jasper and Monty into a tight hug and laughs, as she dashed towards Anya for a bear hug, "Miss you, An." 

"Miss you too, O. Glad you could make it," letting go of the girl, she asked, "where's Clarke? I heard she's coming." 

"She should be here any minute now," glancing around the restaurant. 

" _Did I heard my name?"_

Everybody turn to the source of the voice and there stood a blonde girl in a green romper grinning at them, "did you guys miss me?" 

"CLARKE!!!" 

Jasper and Monty dashed to you almost stumbling backwards with a laughter. Anya stood smiling and gave you a tight hug after the two boys let go of your body. 

"Looking good, Griffin." 

"Thank you. So are you. Who's the lucky guy?" you sent a wink, stowing Anya back towards the table, "heard about the big rock," lifting the woman's left hand and gasped at the glistening diamond. 

The friend chuckles and pecks your head, "Roan. Met him during one of my business trips. A year later, voila!" Waving her left hand, making the ring glimmer under the light. 

"Lucky you! Congratulations!" 

"Thank you. What about you-..." 

"Oh hell no!" You and Anya looked at Raven's displeased look, "there's no way you're gonna have your own private bubble and put us aside!" 

Anya rolled her eyes, "fine! Well let's all sit and enjoy the night. We have a lot of things to talk about. Talk about gossips... Blake, where's that curly head brother of yours?"

"Bell's running late. He'll be here eventually. Don't mind him," waving her hand with a scowl on her face. 

Monty snickered, "yeah let O have her short moment of freedom." 

Octavia shakes her head threateningly and raised right hand as if wheeling something around and slowly lifting her left hand with the middle finger - making everyone laugh. 

"Let's move on. Can we?" The younger Blake snarled. 

//// An hour later /////

After telling the wondrous story of Anya's love life. All eyes turned to Monty who looks downcast, "guys..." Looking around with much discomfort. 

"What is it, Mon?" you asked from across the table. 

Jasper put a supporting arm around Monty, sending a small smile on the boy's face. 

"I found my mom," he revealed. 

"What?!" Everyone gasped in unison. 

"How? When? Who?" Raven shot her questions like a machine gun. Monty shifted on his seat uncomfortably looking worried by the sudden bombarding questions. Anya shot Raven a look and patted the boy on the shoulder. 

"Take your time," she uttered softly. 

Monty nodded and started telling his story. 

"I was back home at my grandma's place for the holidays. I was excited because I get to spend it with her but when I went inside the house. I heard two people arguing. My nana was mad, she was shouting and yelling at this lady. I walked up to her to calm her down and the lady was staring at me like some...," shaking his head, he stammers not knowing the right word to say, "kid that she lost in the supermarket. He called me Mon Mon," he snickers, "Nana said she's my mother. So guys, as it turns out my own mother is alive and her name is Helena Green. She already have her own family with 2 children age 8 and 12, name Charles and Caitlin and with a loving husband name Tim." 

"What about your dad? Did she tell you about him?" 

The boys face turn wistful, "He died when my mom was giving birth to me. He was on his way to the hospital but he was caught on a hit and run accident." 

A loud clank of utensils echoed on the table, sending everyone to sit rigid on their seats with eyes glued on the boy. Nobody suspects Monty to be this disdainful neither this violent. The boy gripped on his chair as tight as he can, closing his eyes remembering every single word that her mother had said to him. 

"She told me she loves me. She told me she misses me," his chuckles was sinister and filled with hatred, "She told me that dad and her loves me with all of their hearts. Who would fucking believe that after 25 years? Right?" looking around the table with friends nodding their heads, "In the end, she left. She still left and vanished. POOF! Gone! As if she didn't came back at all. And here I am, thinking, what have I done to deserve this? I wish she didn't came at all. I wish she didn't came back to my life at all and let me continue to pretend that she's dead. With just me and nana, I'm happy." 

"What about your nana? What did she say?" Octavia reached across the table and squeezed his hand. 

"She was sorry. Sorry for hiding the truth from me. She doesn't want me to get hurt because my own mother can't take the responsibility on her own. She said my mom got so depressed when my father died that every time she looks at me, she wanted to strangle me. She blames me for my father's death." Monty felt Anya's hand on his shoulders and saw sadness on those eyes. "But it's over now. Helena or  _Mom_ as she wanted me to call her, is out of my life. I never wanna see her again." 

"You can do this, man," Jasper whispered patting him on the back. 

"Thanks, Jas," his word was soft and sad, looking around the table. Everyone was quiet not knowing what to say, "anyway!" clapping his hands together with a grin that he tried to pull out after spilling his guts, "tonight we're supposed to be celebrating! Come on, smile! Cheer up! I'm fine!" Pulling on Anya, Clarke and Octavia's hands, while Raven looked at him seriously and said, "Do you want me to make her go boom, Monty?" 

"RAVEN! SHUT UP!" Everyone hollered at the girl throwing pieces of breadsticks and crushed serviettes at her direction. 

Monty threw his head back and laughed her heart out, once he quieten down and rubbed the tears from the corner of his eyes, he sighed, "Thank you guys. I  _really_ needed this." 

Pretty soon, everyone was back on topic about Anya's fiance, the new girl that Jasper was hitting on, Octavia's little get away with Lincoln and Raven's little escapade with some hot colleague named Wick. And they seem to avoid the touchy subject about Clarke and Lexa, which you were thankful for. The night was indeed well spent with a group of friends catching up with great food and tasty wine. 

_"Everybody, please give it up for the Grounder Jazz!"_

Soon the entire restaurant was whistling and clapping as the jazz group got down from stage and the host made her appearance in the middle of the stage and announced, "Alright guys, let's have fun tonight! Open mic night! Do we have our first volunteer?" gesturing at the crowd and young lad, walked up the stage and blew a storm with his acoustic cover of the 90's hit songs. 

"Pretty good isn't he?" Raven elbowed, bringing you out of your trance from the little performer. 

"Amazing! Just wow," still having that gooey eyes over the guy with a guitar. 

"You should perform." 

"What?" you were a little surprise by Raven's encouraging words, "Rae, it's been years since I've touched a guitar. I don't think my hands can play the same strings as before." 

"Clarke," Raven dragged her word and looked at you as if it was the most absurd thing you had ever said, "playing guitar is like riding a bike. You won't easily forget it." 

"What if I forgot the chords?" you challenged. 

"Hello, Mr Google," taking out her phone, "Come on, I miss hearing you play. You used to love playing guitar when we were in college," she pouted. 

"Rae... Don't be like this." 

"Please? Pretty pretty please?" 

You rubbed your face in defeat, you knew you can't turn down Raven's pouty baby face. 

"I hate you." 

"And I love you," pecking you on the cheek. 

//// 15 minutes later ////

"Alright guys! We have a brave young lady right here," gesturing at your nervous figure by the stage, the host whispered at you, "what's your name, honey?" 

"Clarke. Clarke Griffin," you replied huskily, feeling the large lump in your throat. 

"Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Clarke Griffin," and the host named Emori stepped down from the stage, leaving you staring at the crowd filled with unknown people curiously waiting for you to do something. 

Quickly, you stepped to the side and picked up the guitar and sat down on the stool in front of the mic stand. "Ladies and gentleman," clearing ypur throat, "My name is Clarke and this is Jealous by labrinth. Hope you enjoy it." 

You closed your eyes and feels the strings underneath the fingertips as you slowly plucks the strings in a slow tempo. The surroundings suddenly came into deafening silence with the ringing of the guitar filling your ears and heart.  Your mind and soul slowly eases as you opens your lips.

_"I'm jealous of the rain..."_

////

"I'm so sorry guys I'm late. I really tried to rush here as fast as I can. The meeting with the client was crazy long!" you rambles on not noticing that all heads around the table stares at you with wide eyes, "Plus, the traffic. Oh god... Completely forgot about the traffic. I thought it was better than the city as it turns out it's worst!" You pulled out the vacant seat and sat down with a sigh, still heaving from the run.

"Lex..." Octavia reached out, prancing her eyes around the table and glance at the blonde girl singing on the stage, "you've made it!" hugging you tightly.

Within a blink of an eye, everyone suddenly came back to life and started circling you with hugs and kisses. Giggles escape your lips as you took a swig of water from the nearest glass, "thank you guys. I appreciate the warm welcome. I really missed you guys." 

"We've missed you too!" Everyone shouted in unison.

It was odd that you have to furrow your eyebrows at how in sync her friends were tonight.

"Here," Anya handed over the menu and waved for the waiter. It only took a second to order because you were already craving for some carbonara. Once the waiter left with your order, you noticed Raven and Octavia seemingly arguing by the washroom area. You squinted your eyes them and then turned to Anya. 

////

"What the hell, Rae! You told me Lex isn't coming!" 

Raven folded her arms, "I did! And that's what she told me and that's what I told Clarke." 

"Then what the heck is she doing here? Okay, this sounds really mean and I really miss Lexa too," Octavia sighed feeling torn between the blonde and the brunette, " but I don't think Clarke is ready to face Lexa." 

"And neither was Lexa. I'm so sure of it," glancing back on the table. 

"I think it's too late now. Clarke already saw her." 

//// 5 minutes ago///

"Hey Anya, how is it going? I saw on Facebook you caught some real fish," you joked around elbowing her on the rib. Anya chuckles and pulled out her left hand showcasing her one hell of a ring. "Wow. That looks amazing. Roan is pretty lucky to have you, An." 

"I know he is. That's why I'm gonna make his life a living hell once we're married," the light hearted joke that Anya pulled made your heart tickles. Somehow making you wish that you have someone like Roan to turn to. Someone to fully trust and rely on as what Anya had described and as if my magic, your best friend could suddenly read your mind. 

"She's up on stage." 

"What?"

You suddenly looked up. 

////

You open your eyes and scans the crowd's dozens of eyes all on you. Some were closed and swaying at the soft acoustic rhythm resounding the place. You felt at ease, feeling the swell and overflowing emotions through your story telling. 

_"I'm jealous of the nights_  
_That I don't spend with you_  
_I'm wondering who you lay next to_  
_Oh, I'm jealous of the nights..."_

The memories. The talks. The laughter. You closed your eyes again and feel the vibration in your chest. As if it was trying to pull free from your rib cage, it was overwhelming and yet, unwinding. 

_"I'm jealous of the love_  
_Love that wasn't here_  
_Gone for someone else to share_  
_Oh, I'm jealous of the love, cause..."_

People always tell you that your face can be easily read. How your expression tells your story so easily. That's why people are so captivated by you. So entranced by your presence that meeting people from all walks of life was a simple task. _That's probably what I'm look like right now,_ she thought as she smiles her words away. 

But behind those closed eyes, there was only one person that you were yearning to sing it for. Every single word represent  _them._ Every single word represents what they have/had. And you loves every single one of it... Even the hurtful ones. However, despite the downhill relationship you have, you still loves her.

Clarke still loves Lexa. 

As those eyes open once more, your world came into halt as those blues found the greens staring back at you. 

////

You world spun around _but_ Clarke... _except Clarke Griffin._

_"I wished you the best of_  
_All this world could give..."_

Your throat suddenly became dry and husky as those blue eyes penetrates you with words that pierced through your soul.

  
_"And I told you when you left me_  
_There's nothing to forgive..."_

Your head wanted to look down and stop the world from spinning around you. Stop Clarke for being their with you in that small bubble while the world spins around. But your heart... Your heart tells you to look at her in the eyes and listen to the words that she was saying. Listen and let it sink in. 

_"But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was_  
_Heartbreak and misery_  
_It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way_  
_You're happy without me..."_

_/////_

You gripped the guitar tighter and as much as you wanted to avert your eyes away. You can't... Until the very end. 

_"It's hard for me to say..._

_I'm jealous of the way..._

  
_You're happy without me..."_

////

_"It's hard for me to say..._

_I'm jealous of the way..._

  
_You're happy without me..."_

You felt your head shaking into a 'no' as if answering back to those words.

"Never." 

 

#  _**TBC....** _


	4. The One With The Dare

_***2 years ago*** _

She felt a tug, Raven was begging her. She inhaled sharply and breathed out, "I- I'm in love with Clarke."

"And?"

Lexa's eyes widened, she wasn't expecting  _this._ At the most, Raven should be gasping for breath, grabbing her shoulders with wide eyes and bellowing, "WHAT?! Since when?! Why didn't you tell me?!" But notwith her best friend simply saying,  _"And?"_ As if she knew all along.

"And?... I'm  _in love with Clarke_ , Raven."

"I know. I heard what you said. And then what?" the engineer shrugged.

Lexa tilted her head, looking at Raven bizarrely as if she had grown two heads. She stood up from the couch and said her words a little louder, maybe a little more clearer too.

"Raven, I think you've misheard what I just said. I'm  _in love_ with  _Clarke._ My best friend. My soulmate. _I love her."_

"I know," nodding affirmably.

"You know? How do you know?!" the brunette collapsed back on the cushioned seat.

Raven snorted, " _everybody_ with eyes can see it, Lex. Octavia knows," she extended her thumb as if she's counting and squinting her eyes in thoughts, "I know. Your dad knows,"

Lexa held her hands up, "hold up right there! My  _dad_ knows?! How did he know?"

"Lexa Lexa... My oh-so innocent little friend, you're dad asked me during christmas eve dinner - when you and Clarke were busy cuddling on the sofa laughing your heads off over something that I have no idea about - if you and the blonde head were going out and I said, I don't know... Maybe.... Most probably not," giving her a mischievous eyes, "Oh! Abby knows too."

"No!" she groaned in horror.

"Relax, Heda. Mrs Griff Griff was actually relieved. She said Clarke would rather have you than that 'ill-mannered boy' named Finn."

This was all getting out of hand.  _Everybody_ knows except for her.

"Oh yeah, talking about Finn-..."

"Don't tell me he knows too!" Lexa whined, staring at Raven for an answer. When the girl nodded she groaned even louder covering her face in anguish.

"He had a hunch for a long time. Before he asked Clarke out, he approached me asking if you and Clarke, you know...  _a thing._ So I said as far as I know, you're not."

"Why are you only telling me this now, Raven?" Lexa was desperate and growing impatient.

Raven shrugged, "I guess I wanted you to see what you're really capable of."

"Which was?" squinting at her.

"That your eyes gave away too much!"

"No it doesn't!" Covering her eyes.

The engineer snorted and pried her arms away, "We all know it, Lexa. You've been giving Clarke the heart eyes for the past 4 years. All of us thought that you and Clarke would figure yourself out but now it turned into a huge chaotic mess. Finn and Clarke were in a shaky relationship. You and Clarke were drifting apart."

She looked down on her hands and sighed. Never in a thousand years would she want to ruin someone else's relationship, most especially, Clarke's. She thought that giving space was the best solution.

"Lexa, look at me," Raven tipped her chin up, "Clarke is a huge mess  _without_ you. Both of you have this strong bond that  _we_ can't even have. Hell, I went rampage because of that but I realized," shrugging, "that what you and Clarke have was  _real._ It's the kind of friendship that only happens once in a lifetime. Even if you try to have that with somebody else, it will  _never_ happen because they're not you're soulmate."

"Raven, I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"What I'm saying Lexa, is go back to Clarke. Be her best friend again. Talk to her. Hangout with her. Have some tickle fights or something," she grinned.

"It's not that easy, Raven. She told me to stay away from her."

"Stop being so hard headed, Lexa. When girls say stay away from me it means ' _please, stay! Don't leave me! I'm all alone because my ass of a boyfriend cheated on me!'_ " The engineer gave Lexa a dead pan look, sending Lexa flinging her arms in the air in defeat.

"Well somebody could have told me that sooner!"

_***Present*** _

"Hey."

Notice the softness of the word. You noticed how one single word could easily rolled off her tongue and that smile, that smile as bright as the sun. You, Lexa Heda was stunned for the second time that night.

"Hi," you rasped, desperately trying to maneuver your eyes off those ocean.

You watched Clarke sat down where you used to sit and realized that it had been hers and you were left awkwardly standing, touching the hem of your shirt again. Octavia immediately whipped out a chair from the table beside yours and offered it to you with a wide smile, "I miss you, Lex," giving you a tight hug. You couldn't fathom enough how Octavia was getting stronger each time you meet her. Like her muscle's growing each day!

"Miss you too, O," you mumbled and pulled the chair and yet, again still awkwardly trying to reposition yourself at the crowded table. "Umm...," you stammered and everyone suddenly started shifting chairs like a carousel.

"Lex, sit with me," Raven grabbed the chair and placed it on her left and your stomach coiled knowing that you're just one chair away from the blonde.

Your head dipped with appreciation and sat down. You felt someone elbowed your side and saw a little kid running around with his toy soldier. You scowled at the small figure throwing daggers at him as you watched him ran around the restaurant.

"I hate children," you grumbled to yourself but you didn't realized that everyone heard it and now was watching you with great interest. You looked up and instantly flushed red as if you've been caught doing something you shouldn't be. You raised your eyebrows, "What? It's nothing new."

Jasper shook his head and watched in amusement, "You hate children but they love you. How did that happened?"

A shrug and a sly smile was delivered when you heard a snicker to your side.

"Looks like Commander Lexa is back."

And as those words left vanished in the air, those greens found the blues staring at her.

_***4 years ago*** _

"Thank you! Thank you so much! I owe you big time!"

Clarke opened the door wider to let the person in and then softly closed the door behind them. She pushed the person towards the kitchen where the huge ruckus could be heard. Loud crash of something falling on the floor, shrilling laughters of children, loud screams and wailing of a baby were escaping the door. The blonde sighed and gave her friend an apologetic look before opening the kitchen door.

"Oh dear Lord... ," the brunette in a gray hoody and black pants looked at Clarke as if she had gone bonkers.

The place was in a total mayhem. Flour aimlessly thrown in all directions as if its snowing. Frying pans and pots sprawled on the kitchen counter and floor. Cabinets and drawers all pulled wide open, the tap was running wild on the over pouring sink, high chairs lamely falls on the floor with a loud  _thud,_ and kitchen equipments were being experimented by 4 young kids age between 3 to 5 years old with an infant wailing by the stove.

"Oh no, you won't!" Lexa instantly ran to the stove and pulled the boy's small hands off the knob - as if his trying to boil her little sister inside the big pot. And how did a 5 years old carry his little sister over the stove and then inside the big pot? Clarke will never know. "Get down!" The girl ordered pointing down to the floor, the boy pouted and quickly hopped off the counter.

Lexa scanned the entire mess and landed on the chaotic blonde head by the door. She heaved as she pulled the baby out of the pot, "Alright!" she bellowed autocratically, all eyes fell on the new comer and the brunette widened her eyes as if hypnotizing all the children to follow her commands. "Everyone, get out of the kitchen.  _NOW!"_

4 pairs of feet scrambled out towards the living room while another pair of legs approached her.

"You really don't know what you're doing don't you?" Lexa smirked, as she bounces on the balls of her feet, cooing the crying baby in her arms. Clarke leaned over the island and groaned.

"I don't know why I agreed to this! I love children but why did they suddenly turned into little monsters once their parents leave!"

The brunette pursed her lips trying not to let the bubbling laughter to erupt but it was too late because Clarke was shooting daggers at her.

_***Present*** _

You're sure as hell turned crimson red, watching everyone throwing back their heads and laughs like a maniac. Your lips pouted and gave a tiny glance to your side. You wished you didn't because you're heart was now pounding against your ribcage - begging to be noticed.

"So that's when the commander Lexa came to be," Monty nodded and then laughed again with something that Lexa did. You didn't have to see what she did because you know all too well what she would be doing. 

////

Those scrawny little fingers could feel the pattern of the thread on the hem of your shirt. The blood pumped onto your cheeks in a seemingly fast pace because you could feel it turning warm with a prickling sensation as you shift uncomfortably on the chair.

"Whatever," you reckoned rolling your eyes. 

The stage across the restaurant picked up again with another acoustic cover and you smiled at the girl's unbelievable vocal chords. The tapping of your foot was getting in sync with how well the singer's finger played along the strings. 

"Seems like your enjoying her playing better than mine." 

You smirked and meet those familiar blue ocean, "But nothing beats how your expression tells your story. It's captivating," you mocked. 

The face of the girl lit up like a christmas tree and a knowing smile displayed across her lips, "glad I didn't chased you away this time." Clarke hopped on the vacated seat by Raven and pulled herself closer to you. 

You sighed because your chest was back pounding quadruple time. Despite your face remaining stoic and still staring at those intriguing eyes, your hands abandoned you, by fiddling with your shirt. You opened your mouth to reply but you were disrupted by the waiter coming in with your drink. A strawberry smoothy, you were craving for it that you right away reached forward but frowned. 

"Here." 

Clarke slipped back down on the chair - that you didn't even noticed that she left- and handed over another straw. You smiled appreciatively. "Thank you," you whispered and took a long sip from the two straws. Clarke watches you unabatingly with a wide smile - waiting until you're relished. 

"You're pasta, madame," the waitress cut in between the intensity that Clarke was giving you - much to your relief. 

"Thank you," you whispered, looking up and realized how cute the waitress was. The girl in a uniform smiled at you and winked away. 

"What was that?" your eyes found Clarke's arched eyebrow and you just shook your head. 

"She's cute," you shrugged, picking up the fork and started devouring the delicious creamy pasta that you've been dreaming of since earlier that day. 

It had been a long and tiring day. You've been going in and out of the conference room meeting with the head of the departments and clients. You're phone was beeping and complaining on the side and being here, away from the ruckus and craziness, you were definitely relieved. But maybe not so much with a certain girl watching you eat in the corner of your eyes with vigor. You cleared your throat and wiped the corner of your mouth the napkin. 

"Can I help you with anything, Clarke?" you asked. You didn't intended for it to sound cold but it sure sounded that way but the blonde was still watching with amusement in her eyes. 

"Nothing, Boo," she smiled and left the table. 

_***6 years ago*** _

"Is it just me or was that girl staring at you?" 

Lexa put down her fork and looked at where Anya was pointing at. She saw a shiny blonde head turning away from their direction. The girl frowned and shook her head, "No, she's not. She's probably just looking around," picking back up her fork and started eating again. 

"I'm telling you, she was watching you ever since we sat down. Do you know her?" 

Lexa shrugged, "she's this new girl in class. It's her first day," glancing at the blonde again who was now typing away on her phone.

"Did you talked to her yet?" 

"No." 

Anya smirked, "So typical you." 

"Whatever," rolling her eyes, "you know me." 

"Yeah yeah. You won't talk unless someone else did it first. What made you think I got you worked out for?" 

"I think it's another way around, Anya. You were pretty annoyed by me," she grinned, covering her face by the way Anya was about to give her a blow. 

"You're right and I think I've used up all my patience on you. One of this days, Lexa. I swear."

"But you still love me," nudging her shoulders.  

"Lexie, this is my last year in school and as you're self-proclaimed older sister from another mother. It's my utmost duty to annoy the crap out of you and make you see what you're not seeing. And LOOK!" and there goes her friend shamelessly pointing at the new girl, "I told you she's looking at you!" 

Lexa's eyes drifted back to the table where the blonde girl sitting alone and she was quick to her feet clearing her tray. 

"Gee, thanks. Way to go chasing her away,  _BIG SIS,"_ she grumbled as she watched the new girl crossing the cafeteria in such a hurry. 

Anya leaned back laughing, heavily patting on Lexa's back, "talk to her, stiff. She might need a friend." 

She snapped at her friend as if she had gone crazy, "you'd really think I would do that? I don't approach them.  _They_ approach me," she sassed with her hands in the air like a diva. 

"Break it, Lex. Break out of the shell. What's gonna happen to you once I'm gone huh? I'm gonna graduate in few months and here you are still stuck inside this shell," the girl pretended to knock on Lexa's head.

Lexa moved away scowling at her, "I don't need them. I can be on my own." 

"Trust me. You will need them. I can't be here for you forever, Lexa." 

_***Present*** _

"So..." Anya's eyes were brimming with happiness. 

"So?" you shrugged, finishing up your carbonara with a happy smile. 

"So... How are you and Clarke?" 

Your eyes made a quick detour to the figure by the entrance and back again on Anya's. You just shrugged, it had been awhile since you've talked to your friend and honestly, you feel like you don't wanna tell her anything because you knew she's gonna be mad at you for being a coward and weak. 

"Lexa, didn't I tell you to talk to her?" she was sure disappointed in you. 

"Look, I tried. Ever since I came back we kept running into each other. Every time I see her I wanted to ask her things... But every time she talks to me I just melt to the spot. I just turned mute and-... and angry for what happened in the past-... For what I feel." you leaned back and rubbed your crunched up face, "I don't know, Anya. I never felt this awkward in my life before and she was my best friend. It shouldn't feel this way. It's all because of my stupid crush's fault!" flinging your hands in the air in defeat. 

And there goes your 'big sis' laughing her ass off, blatantly pointing at you with her finger. After what several seconds Anya finally came to her senses, "Damn, Commander Boo. You still have that stupid girly crush on Clarke don't you." 

"Anya, don't.  _Please,"_ shaking her head in a plead but of course, Anya will always be Anya. 

"Hey everyone!" Anya flung hands in the air attracting everyone's eyes, you quickly tried to pull her arms down but she was far too strong, "Who's up for some old fashion truth or dare?" 

Everyone soon agreed and were back on their seats clearing the middle table, placing an empty wine bottle. Anya spun the bottle but not forgetting winking at you playfully and you knew what that means. 

_Oh god... Please take me now._

You groaned because it first landed on you which was so typical. You always thought that Anya had some magical hands that every single time she spins it it always lands on the person that she intended it for. You still don't know what's the logic in it or how it even works and here you are clenching your jaw in defiance as you shooting daggers at her direction. 

"Truth or dare, Lexie?" Anya grinned coyly. 

_I will never back down, Anya!_

"Dare," showing that much stone hard glare that you were so famous for. It comes in handy with the people who doesn't know you but when it comes to the people that you cared the most, it was useless. The flash of smile that landed on the girl's lips was with great malice, you knew this because that's the 'Anya look' when she's about to do something a 'Lexa' wouldn't do. This only meant trouble. 

"I dare you to...," she dragged with her word and glanced around the table and then landed on Clarke, "kiss Raven on the cheek." 

You felt your chest deflated, you were expecting something else. Quickly, you rolled your eyes and peck on Raven's already offered cheek. 

"Spin," Anya ordered with a mischief on those eyes. 

The bottle landed on Octavia, "Truth or dare?" 

The small girl was quick to her answer, "Dare!" 

////

The game went a little longer than expected. Almost everyone had their rounds except for Raven and Clarke. It was getting on your nerves because you've embarrassed yourself enough more than what you've intended for the evening. Sure, asking for a guy's number was nothing challenging and neither was singing off-key to Whitney Houston's I will always love you on stage with dozens of patrons shooting apologetic glances to your terrible singing. You never felt so alive and bubbly inside. You kept your mouth sealed from saying Truth because who knows where will that lead to. 

"Come ooonnn...," Jasper chanted, giving so much concentration on the bottle giving it a spin. "Raven! Raven! Raven!" 

The bottle landed on Anya and everyone aww-ed. You swore her grin grew even wider, even more evil-er. If that was even a word. 

"Truth." She declared proudly. 

"Have you ever had a threesome before?" 

Anya rolled her eyes and tutted at Jasper's childish question, "Do you even have to ask?" bringing her hands in the air with a shrug. The entire table erupted with laughter and questions on with who Anya did it. Of course, you were curious too but you were more entranced by the way the girl looks at you and spun the bottle at the same time. Of course the bottle landed on... 

_None other than Clarke effin Griffin._

Everyone hollered and whistling on the table attracting much unwanted glares. 

"Truth or dare, Clarke?" 

 _Okay, screw that,_ You thought because that intent eye contact that Anya was sporting right now was way more malicious and wicked. You groaned internally. 

"Tru-...." 

But Anya cut her, "Are you sure about that Griffin?" the challenge was there and all eyes were on Clarke. The blonde looked around feeling unsure and shakes her head, "Dare?" 

"Are you sure again, Griff?" Anya challenged again. 

Honestly, you were anticipating. You were hanging by the thin line, helplessly looking at Anya and Clarke's direction. 

Clarke knitted her eyebrow and nodded, "Yes. Dare." 

Anya chuckled, sending her shoulders to bounce. 

_Oh god..._

"I dare you... to take Lexa home." 

"WHAT?!"

"WHAT?!"

You didn't know who's voice came out more louder but you knew that both of you were in deep shock. Anya just shrugged and immediately dismissed everyone, "I'll see you guys soon! Keep in touch!" 

Everyone was standing up and hugging everyone. While you, still sitting there with wide eyes. Having dinner was just fine because it doesn't matter even if Clarke was there, you were in a group anyways. It's fine too being dragged away on a weekend retreat in the woods because again, you were in a group anyways. There's always a buffer. There's always a way to get your attention away from the blonde. There's always a way to keep your distance and be distracted by things that are not Clarke Griffin. But this, this is not it! This is not what you've expected. Yes, it may sound exaggerated but... 

_But...._

Your eyes landed on those soft blue that was looking at your direction. You could see the trouble and uneasiness on it too. You both aren't ready for this but then again... How would you know if you're ever ready for a closure? Was there a sign? Was there supposed to be a magical sign from the heavens saying, 'hey Lexa! Talk to Clarke now!' 

_I don't think so._

"Lex, I'm leaving," Raven reached out for you and gave you a hug and a kiss. 

You took hold of her forearm, "Don't leave me," you begged her but of course, she just brushed it off and smiled. 

Anya sauntered towards you giving you a knowing look, "Anya," shaking your head. 

"Lexa. Break that wall down. You need this," She reprimanded, still giving you a hug and a peck on the cheek

You weren't so sure if you needed it. In fact, you weren't sure if you would ever needed the closure that Anya was suggesting. What happened on that bench the last time you saw Clarke, that was enough closure for you. It was enough for you to say what you have to say and move on with your life. 

Before Anya make her move, she drew nearer to your ear and whispered, "you'll be thanking me for this, Lex one day," and she left you there all alone with your ex-best friend. 

////

_You've got to be kidding me._

You're eyes widened in horror at what you've gotten yourself into. You wanted to say Truth but Anya completely reverse psychology on you and here you are seconds away taking the girl that you've still been dreaming of, home. Octavia squeezed your shoulder, "you can do this Clarke. Just talk to her," kissing you on the top of your head. 

"O..." you dragged your word as you watched your best friend pulled away from you and out of the door. 

Raven wasn't even helpful at her part, she just gave you a knowing look and quick peck on the head before joining Anya and the rest outside the restaurant. 

 _This is it,_ you thought as you cautiously turned to your side and found Lexa looking at your direction uncomfortably. 

You cleared your throat and gestured at the door. Lexa was quick to her feet and reached the door faster than you. You never felt your nerves about to break free in nervousness. You never felt this nervous wreck in your life before and you've never thought of being at this state with Lexa. It's a foreign feeling for you but the fact that you had not been alone with her for more than 2 years, it was enough to bring you over the edge. The tension was rising as you opened your mouth for the sake of saying something but Lexa beat you first. 

"How are you?" 

Those greens were shying away from you, turning her head away towards the main road. 

"I'm good and yourself?" you tried to keep it casual and simple. It doesn't have to be awkward and blunt. 

Lexa finally managed to give an eye contact and you were even rewarded by a small smile. You felt your chest gratified. 

"I'm good too. Thank you," the brunette nodded. 

And the silence ensued further. 

////

It wasn't as uncomfortable as you thought it would be. In fact, you thought of all the times that you shared silence with Lexa. Like those times in long bus rides or eating lunch. Walking in complete silence wasn't new to you because that's just how it always was with Lexa. You both always fall in a comfortable silence and you don't have to make effort to talk about anything because you knew there's always more time for that. But now, thinking about that, you wondered if you'll ever have enough time with her to talk about little things. It saddens your heart knowing that you might never find another time to share with her, not that Lexa would allow anyway. You knew that she's avoiding you and somehow, the idea grew in you and apparently, doing the same. 

You heard a faint sharp intake of breath on your side and watches Lexa rubbing her arms. Without hesitation you removed your jacket and handed it over. Of course, the brunette will decline and folded her arms in contempt but knowing you, how you are around her before. You will keep insisting until she breaks down. 

"Thanks," Lexa nodded and put on the leather jacket. 

And you just smiled. That winning smile that you always had whenever you managed you break the girl's wall. Silence again was between you two until you could hear the girl thinking so loudly, not literally of course. You first noticed how she folded and then unfolded her arms, then rubs her forehead a couple of times, crinkled her nose, sighed in a long and draggy breath and of course, the last hint - playing with the hem of her shirt. You couldn't help but smile at how similar you were both still are. Its true what people say, the more you spend time with that certain person the more you tend to pick up habits from each other. 

"Ask away," you simply said. 

Lexa looked at you in surprise but you gave her a soft smile. She cleared her throat, "is it true?" 

"What?" 

"That you went to the city a couple of times?" 

You looked at her direction but Lexa was far away with her thoughts. 

"Yes." 

"Why?" 

That was something you didn't wanna answer because this is ' _the talk'._ This is the beginning of 'the talk' that Raven had been talking about for 2 years. This could finally be the time when all wondering thoughts will be put to rest. You have to do this because no one knows what will tomorrow brings for the both of you. 

"I wanted to see you," you replied truthfully.

You felt the girl stopped at your side and you stilled. You turned back around and Lexa was just there looking at you tormentingly. As if she's having this internal qualm with herself. Analyzing the situation, you figured it was better to continue talking then waiting for Lexa to say her next words. 

"I wanted to see you," you repeated, "I wanted to see if you were doing well. Knowing you've never lived on your own before... I just wanted to make sure." 

"What for?" the way that she says her words it was obvious that she's confused and here you thought Raven had already explained it to Lexa - But maybe not to that extend. 

"I felt guilty," you checked how will the girl react on that but she was sure still sporting a confused look, "I guess I wanted to know if you were doing better than I was. I was going through hell, Boo," you saw how she slightly flinched by her nickname and you wondered if that name stored really bad memories for her. You quickly dismissed this thoughts and continued, "I didn't just lose my boyfriend, Lexa but I also lost my best friend," you stepped forward and tried to reach out for her hands but Lexa didn't moved an inch, "I never felt so alone in my life before, Lexa. I was a mess." 

Lexa was shaking her head, you could see her eyes were turning red and was brimming with tears. "No," she whispered, "I don't believe you," she choked on her words. 

You reached out again and this time Lexa took a step back but you still pulled her hands, holding tightly even. 

"Lexa, I'm saying the truth." 

"No... You hate me. You pushed me away. I don't.... I don't understand," the look of lost was heavy on Lexa's eyes that all you did was pulled her in your arms and felt her struggled. 

"Stop it, Lexa," you fought back. It takes time for Lexa to finally catch on her breath and melt into your embrace. "I'm sorry," rubbing her back gently and with every stroke you could still hear her sobbing. 

People always thought that Lexa was this strong warrior because that's how the girl wanted to be portrayed as. She wanted people to see her as a tough and strong woman who knows what she wants. That's what you like about her. Lexa doesn't care what other people thought about her because she will still be doing things that she loves to do. But sometimes that wasn't always the case. The thing what you love about her was how you always managed to break down her walls. This thick and tall walls that the brunette started trapping herself in. Neither could Anya or Raven could do it but even if they did it was only the crumbling pieces. You love it how Lexa gets vulnerable around you. You love it how the girl lowers her shield and be silly around you. You just love it because it's all pure Lexa and not the 'stand-in' Lexa that the brunette kept showing to people. 

And right now, this is the purest that Lexa could be. 

You tried to hum her down, "Shh... I'm so sorry, Lexa. I shouldn't have chased you away," you cooed, still stroking her hair and down to her back. Lexa didn't say anything but still lightly sobs, wiping her tears. 

"I'm miss you, Clarke," she rasped, gripping onto your body as if you're her life jacket. 

"I miss you too, Boo." 

_***5 years ago*** _

"How long will you be gone?" Lexa looked down on her wringing hands before meeting Clarke's eyes. 

"A month." 

The girl gave a nod and went right back in doing her assignment. Clarke frowned at her and called for her again. "Boo? Are you okay?" 

Lexa didn't turned around this time, "Yes." 

Clarke hopped off the bed and swiveled around her seat, "Boo, you're not okay. What's wrong?" 

The brunette was still downcast while answering, "I'm fine, Clarke." 

"No, you're not. Look at me," the blonde tipped up her chin up and met those greens brimming in tears. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" 

"Nothing," and pulled her chin away. Clarke pulled the girl's hand towards the bed and asked her to hop on but clearly, Lexa was confused as to why. She rolled her eyes and said, "so I can cuddle. Duh!" 

The brunette's sadness was then replaced by a smirk as she hopped onto the bed and felt the softness that Clarke Griffin was. The silence between them was good. They don't need words to keep their relationship going. They don't need words to keep the sparks flying. But knowing that something's running in her best friend's mind Clarke just have to know. 

"What's wrong, Lexa?" she looked up and gave her a serious look. 

Lexa scrunched her nose and covered her face, "Nothing." 

Clarke pulled her arms away and insisted, "What? Tell me." 

"It's embarrassing," looking away. 

Those blue orbs rolled away, "I'm your best friend. I think we've shared enough embarrassing moments, thank you very much." 

The girl sighed, "It's just... It's the longest time that I'm gonna be away from you and I don't know what's gonna happen once you come back. Are we still best friends? What if you met someone better than me? What if you stopped talking to me?" 

And Clarke just stared at her, pursing her lips at how adorable and frantic Lexa was being. When the brunette realizes this, she quickly covered her face and grunted, "I told you it's embarrassing." 

Prying her arms away again, "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Lexa. I think I've showed you enough how special you are to me. What we have will never change, even if I leave for a year or a decade! You will always be my best friend forever." 

"Really?" Lexa pouted and Clarke laughed at how such a child her best friend can be. 

"What are we? 5?" And when Lexa tried to roll away from her, Clarke quickly planted herself on the top of the girl to make her stop moving, "Okay, fine! I pinky swear, Boo that I will always be your best friend even after a month of not seeing each other. I will talk to you. I will hang out with you. I will make fun of you.  _And_ I will most certainly will  _not_ find someone better than you." 

But Lexa was still pouting when she joined pinky with her best friend.

"Forever."

_***Present*** _

The night grew longer as the two girls sat on their old bench by the lake and gaze at the full moon above them. The silence was still lingering except for the soft breeze howling. You looked to your side and saw that faint smile that always melts your heart. You were glad that you and Lexa were progressing on picking up the pieces and putting it back together. After a long separation, this is where you wanna be, with your best friend at your old bench making memories. 

"Boo." Lexa glanced at you, "Are we good?" 

It took a minute for the girl to answer, you knew that she's analyzing and thinking of the right words to say. The way Lexa always does. 

"I don't know." 

Your stomach dropped. "Lexa..." 

"Clarke, I've spent years thinking about us. At how I wish that I hadn't felt what I feel for you then maybe, I wouldn't have ran away. Maybe I wouldn't have ruined the friendship that we have because I can't have you- ... That staying just as friends was a thousand times worse than running away. But I'm glad that I did because by then did I know that you will always have a special place in my heart and no one can replace that." 

She was looking at you with sincerity that it made you think that what if this is the end of everything. Now that Lexa's back and after all the things that she was saying, it sounded like she's saying goodbye. You're chest raced hearing those words, you wanted to make her stop from talking but you knew this is what your best friend needs right now. To let go all of her thoughts and break down that wall that she had built for herself. However, at the back of your mind there's this one thing that wants to be out. 

_Tell her you love her, Clarke! Tell her you love her!_

You felt your lips open but no words came out.

"I think I'm ready for us to be just friends. It's been 2 years and it helped me a lot to figure things out. I'm happy where I am now, Clarke and I hope you too." 

And as those words reached your ears you felt your suddenly out of breath. 

"Clarke? Are you okay?" Lexa was reaching for you, looking at you with concern. 

"Yes!" you inhaled sharply, "Peachy!" It took a couple more breaths for you to say your following words, "I'm glad," nodding vehemently as if it will help you clear the chaos in your head, "I'm happy that you're happy Lexa. That's what matters the most." 

Lexa smiled at you with her signature subtle smile that you knew she only reserves for you. It made things worse rather than for the better because here you are with your best friend who had moved on. While on the other hand, here you are again being the same person as before being head over heels for her best friend. All of the buried emotions were starting to resurface but you knew that it's alright. It should be okay because what matters the most was that your best friend is back. 

_That's all that matters._

////

Lexa leaned against your front door and laughed so hard that it made her cry. You felt elated seeing her smiling and laughing again and this time, not from a distant but a foot from you and the best part was, it's all because of you. 

"Oh my God... Those were the days. I really missed it. Raven's reaction was priceless!" the brunette huskily chuckled, wiping away the tear from the corner of her eyes. 

"Tell me about it!" You grinned as you stares at the beauty in front of you. You missed that, marveling at how simple and yet, boisterous your best friend is every time she's with you. You heard what people tells you about your best friend, how she's so quiet and intimidating but in truth they don't know even a cinch about her. Behind all of those tough exterior was a loving, caring and fun woman that she had ever met. 

 _I'm so in love with her..._ You sighed internally. 

"Clarke?" 

You didn't noticed that Lexa's inches away from your face, you immediately stepped back. "What?" Blinking a couple of times. 

"You blanked out. Are you feeling okay?" Now the brunette's expression was replaced by a perturbed one. 

"Yes, never better. Well, I better head back in. Work tomorrow. Thank you, Boo for walking me home," nodding at her. 

"Yeah, I kinda miss our long walks together," she smiled shyly looking down at her feet. 

You couldn't help but grin goofily having known that she felt the same. "Me too, Boo." So you grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to you for a hug. You stayed at that position longer than a best friend should but Lexa doesn't seemed to mind. She instantly melt, nuzzling your neck with a sigh, "I miss your scent." It made a bubbly sensation in the pit of your stomach making you giggle, "that tickles, Boo," squirming underneath the brunette's tight embrace. 

The sound of laughter that meets your ears were enough to make you go on a frenzy. It made you marked your words to make Lexa laugh as much as you can, as if making up for all the time that you've missed each others' presence. You let go first and Lexa stood there with a goofy smile, you smirked, "You miss cuddling with me don't you," arching your eyebrow. 

Lexa reacted as if she got offended, "WHAT?! Psh! Excuse me! I had enough cuddles with Raven back in the city, thank you very much!" 

"A drunk Raven?" 

Lexa crinkled her nose and nodded, making you laugh harder. 

"I really miss you, Boo," you sighed. 

"I miss you too, Clarke." 

You thought that you couldn't get enough of Lexa and this was the truth. While you were standing there smiling like an idiot at the love of your life, you were thinking of way to make the girl stay longer but seeing the tiredness on those green eyes and the lazy smile that she was giving you. You knew you can't hold her much longer. So you said, "Well thank you again, Boo. I had fun tonight." 

"Me too. Have a good rest, Clarke. Goodnight," Lexa was about to step out of the porch when you instinctively pulled her into a hug and then pecked her on the tip of her nose. Lexa was slightly taken aback, "Oh." 

"I'm sorry," you backed away, "I didn't mean to scare you." 

"It's okay. I kind of forgot about that," she smiled kindly. 

"Yeah," you looked down to the ground feeling shy all of a sudden but when you looked up Lexa was reaching out for you. She hugged you once and pecked you on the tip of your nose. You giggled. 

"A little awkward...," Lexa stepped back, smiling shyly again. 

But you shook your head and said, "Doesn't have to be. I really miss  _us_ and all the crazy things that we do." 

"You're right. Me too. I guess old habits die hard." 

You grinned wider and nodded. 

_You have no idea._

_***6 years ago*** _

Clarke took one final breath and pulled the door open. She entered the room with her chin high and wide smile as she approaches the lecturer's table. A man with a spiky hair and chubby cheeks suddenly smiled at her and asked, "What can I do for you,dear?" 

"Hi, I'm Clarke Griffin. I'm the new student. I'm here for the business module?" she said in one breath. 

"Ah yes! Well take a seat, dear we will begin shortly," the lecturer beckoned for her sit anywhere she likes and Clarke  stood in front of the class scanning the classroom for any empty seats. Luckily, the first few rows in the corner of the room was vacant, she quickly walked to it and laid her bag on the table when something hit her. 

"Ugh! I forgot to pick up my text book," she scratched the nape of her neck and looked around the room. She supposed to pick up her new text book by the student centre after lunch but completely forgot about it. After being seen watching this cute brunette eating at the cafeteria her mind went on a rampage to get the hell out of there after the girl's friend pointing at her direction and talking to the other girl. She felt her cheeks turned red so she instantly picked up her tray and put back on the tray station before make a beeline out of the cafeteria and now, she's in class with no text book. 

"Class! I hope you all had your lunch... Seeing all your sleepy heads I can see that you did!" the lecturer was chuckling then suddenly clapped his hands loudly, "Wake up! Wake up! We have an important chapter to discuss today! Please turn to chapter 3 of your text book." And the man turned back around to his desk and maneuvering the mouse on his laptop. 

"Hey!... Hey, new girl!" Clarke frowned and turned to her left and saw this girl with black hair and wide green eyes grinning at her. "Are you new or have I not noticed you before?" 

She looked around the classroom just to make sure that this small girl was indeed talking to her, "Yes I'm new." 

The girl quickly beckoned for her to sit beside her, so the blonde crossed the aisle and sat down. "I'm Octavia Blake," extending her hand, she shook it firmly and introduced herself, "Clarke Griffin." 

"So you're the new girl that my friends been talking about," Octavia bobbed her head and gave Clarke one big look. The blonde couldn't help but feel self-conscious but broke into a tight smile instead.

"I bet I am," she whispered when the lecturer went back in front and started talking.

They had spent an hour and half listening to the guy talking about things that she didn't quite catch up yet. At first it was weird and yet entertaining how her teacher teaches like he's in some fairytale. When the break finally started the two girls started talking again, "Is it weird that I find him high every time he opens his mouth?" 

Octavia laughed so hard that Clarke leaned away, "No, most definitely not! That's just how he speaks. At first I thought he was a crackhead too," she whispers, "but then as it turns out he's always been on dreamland ever since he was a child. I know!" Octavia pointed her finger as Clarke, "I know, you might be wondering how in the world did I know this?!" Clarke grinned, finding out how animated her new found friend is, "Apparently, a long long time ago from a galaxy far far away, him and my dad used to go to high school and college together. My dad said he's always been that high ever since," she shrugged.

Knowing Octavia was one of the highlight of her first day in college. It was very entertaining and there weren't even a single minute of bluntness because they were always high and laughing. But what she hated the most about the girl was that she's into sports. That's a huge no-no for Clarke. 

"Hey, are you leaving now?" Clarke turned to her friend and frowned but Octavia pulled her towards the track even before she could even say anything. When they reached the field, there were dozens of guys and gals scattered everywhere and they seemed to waiting for something. 

"What are we doing here, Octavia?" she found nothing but a herd of students in sports attire and when turned around and found her friend stripping her clothes off. She instantly turned her back. 

"We," Octavia started, slumping her arm over her shoulders, "are going for a track and field try outs." Her blue eyes turned like a golf ball. 

"No, no, no, no, Octavia. I don't- I can't run!" but the girl gave her a knowing look. Raking her body once more and said, "with a toned legs like that? You  _can't_ run?" 

Clarke nodded her head violently, the last thing she wanna do now was to join sports. She despises sports! Octavia seemed to back down with a shrug, "suit yourself," and went on with her stretching. "You know Clarke, I like you." 

"Why do I have this feeling that something's bad is gonna happen?" she narrowed her eyes, sending the squatting girl on the floor into a fit of giggles. 

But before Octavia could even reply back she heard someone calling the girl's name. Both girls looked at the direction of the voice and found two girls walking towards them. Clarke's eyes widened in recognition,  _this are the girl's back in the cafeteria! Crap!_

"Hey," Octavia stood up dusting her back side, giving the girls' hugs. Clarke immediately made a run for it but something or  _someone_ was pulling her backpack backwards. "Where do you think you're going?" 

Clarke grimaced and slowly back away and face the three girls. She smiled curtly and instantly, averted her eyes when she met those greens looking at her. 

"Guys! Please meet Clarke Griffin. Clarke Griffin please meet Lexa Heda and Anya... Whatever her last name is," flinging her hands at the tall girl, who was obviously grinning too widely for Clarke's comfort. 

"Well...," Anya said, glancing at Lexa's profile, "It's nice to finally meet you, Clarke Griffin," taking the girl's hand and gave a firm shake. "Lex?" The taller one nudged the brunette out of her stupor.

"Hi, Clarke. It's nice to meet you," Lexa nodded with that faint smile, it made her chest quickened. She didn't noticed before but there's something about the way the girl said her name. As if she purposely uttered each letter, pronouncing as it should be pronounced with the emphasized sound of 'K' in the end. And not only that she even found her voice to be dreamy. 

_Dreamy? Did I just said that?_

"Hi," she greeted huskily, smiling wider than she had ever imagined. 

_***Present*** _

(1:37am) Clarke Griffin: It's funny how I suppose to take you home but you're the one who ended up sending me home. Talking about home... Are you home yet, Boo?

You grinned at the little text message that Clarke sent and immediately send a reply. 

(1:40am) Lexa Boo: Well we both know that once we start talking everything around us just instantly blur out. The guys hate that about us. And no, I am not yet home but almost there.

(1:43am) Clarke Griffin: I wasn't sure if you were still using the same number but I'm glad you are because I'll be disrupting someone's sleep right now. Haha!

You couldn't contain your giggle and goofily typed away. 

(1:45am) Lexa Boo: I bet you are! ;D Well I'm glad that I came today and I'm happy that we finally made up. Thank you, Clarke. 

(1:47am) Clarke Griffin: I should be thank you, Boo. I thought you're going to push me away again but I'm glad you didn't. I really wanna make it up to you, Lexa. 

(1:50am) Lexa Boo: I'm glad that I didn't too. I figured it's time to put everything that started this chaos aside and move on. I wanna be back to be your best friend, Clarke. :'( 

You jumped to your feet when you heard your phone blasted on your hand and Clarke's name flashed across the screen. 

"Hey, Boo." 

"Hey, Clarke," you smiled, brushing your fingertips on the building wall as you walked passed it. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?" you smiled bashfully. 

Giggles meet her ear making her insides coiled. "I can't sleep. I think I'm too wide awake because of all the things that had happened today," you smiled again, crinkling your nose at the feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

"No, Clarke. NO!" because you knew all too well what that means. 

"Why not?!" the child like voice across the line was surely agitated. 

You couldn't help but break into a giggling fit, "Because I'm already half way home and it's already too late." 

"You stay right there and I'll come pick you up?" 

You never thought that Clarke was that serious, you gripped your phone tighter not knowing what to say, "Clarke, are you serious?" looking around the quiet neighborhood, there's not a single soul in sight.

"When was I ever joking with my cuddles? If I need one I  _must_ have it!" 

You opened your lips but the line was already dead. 

"Shit." 

////

"Boo?" 

You stood away from wall and revealed yourself at the approaching figure. Your hands were busy fiddling at the loose thread in your pants pockets as you looked at Clarke's sleepy face. You smiled at her appearance right at that moment, baggy pants and school hoody, her hair was in a messy bun and her face was clean from all the make-up. This is the most vulnerable that Clarke can be, most especially when she's cuddle deprived. 

"Gosh, you're really serious about this," you said as you approached her with a lazy smile. Clarke's smile grew wider and rung her arm around yours and pulled you at the direction of her apartment. 

"Never been this serious in my life before, Boo," looking up to you with twinkling eyes. 

////

You've never been inside her apartment before, you thought she lives with other people but apparently she wasn't. Clarke went straight to her bedroom and you stood awkwardly by the living room not quite sure what to do next. So you took off the jacket that Clarke gave you and hung it over by the coat stand. 

"Boo!" The blonde emerged out of bedroom and frowned, "What are you doing there?" 

You shrugged walking towards the bedroom and it was the most colorful room that you've been to. "Clarke... This is amazing!" you gasped as you walked around the room filled with canvases of landscapes of buildings, woods and space. Weird animals with two heads and intricate tribal patterns. 

"Thank you," she proudly uttered, shoving a heap of clothing onto your hands and directed you to the bathroom. 

You made a quick change and washed your face and you realized that there's still that faint smile on your lips. Crinkling that tall nose of yours again, you head out of the bathroom and found Clarke already lying on the bed. Carefully, you placed your clothes by the study table and whispered, "Clarke?" 

The blonde grunted and patted the space beside her, you hopped on and laid down beside her with a sigh. You never felt this comfortable in such a long time. You laid there as steel as a rod despite the homely feeling around you. Staring at the white ceiling, Clarke faced you and smiled sleepily pulling you nearer to her. Her left hand found your waist with her left leg slumped over your legs. You tried to squirm around to make it more comfortable for the both of you and once everything is settled. A whisper reached your ear, "Thank you, Boo for being here." 

You smiled, "Anything for you, Clarke." 

Clarke sighed and nuzzled deeper into your neck making it tickles. Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you tried to clear your head until you felt yourself slipping into slumber with a smile. 

_***6 years ago*** _

Octavia shoved Lexa back breaking her from her trance with Clarke. 

"Where were you? You didn't showed up for class?" 

The brunette made a quick look at Anya and said, "I wasn't feeling well." 

Octavia raised her eyebrow at Anya who stood her ground looking at her without letting anything out. "She said she's not feeling well, Octavia," Anya repeated. 

The small girl shook her head, "whatever. It's all on you, Lexa," giving her a hard look. Lexa sagged her shoulders and shook her head in dismissal. Swiftly, the brunette took off her shirt revealing her in a blue sports tank top, Clarke clenched her jaw by the sight and straight away averted her eyes to the track. 

"Are you trying out too, Clarke?" It was Anya who spoke with a hint of smile. 

She breaks into an unrelenting shaking of head then followed by smile, "No." Her answer caught Lexa's attention and saw those green eyes raking her body up and down. Clarke felt all her hair stood up. 

"Why not?" This time it was Lexa who asked, looking at her with a stoic face. Clarke could see the bitchiness on her face, she started to think twice what the hell she had seen on her back at the cafeteria. 

"I hate running," she smiled truthfully. The girl hummed and averted her eyes towards the woman with a whistle. Clarke frowned, narrowing her eyes at how the girl reacted. She wasn't sure if its just her or Lexa hates her already. 

A high pitched whistle cut through the air and Octavia and Lexa jogged towards the cluster of students. Clarke stood by the sideline with Anya watching the student body doing stretching. 

"Don't get fooled by that. It's just her face," Anya looked at Clarke with a playfulness in her eyes. 

"Is she really like that?" she pursed her lips not knowing what the answer will be. 

"Always." 

////

After the try outs, Octavia and Lexa were beaming in excitement, Clarke had never seen such a beautiful smile coming from a girl like Lexa. She was absorbed by it. 

"Congratulation, guys!" Anya gave both girls a high-fives while Octavia went to Clarke and asked, "you still sure you didn't wanna join?" 

"Affirmably. Congratulations! Way to go!" giving her a high-five too.

Lexa stood quietly by the side wiping away the perspiration on her forehead, Clarke tried to get her attention but it seems like the girl was avoiding her eyes.

_Did I scare her away already?_

The blonde frowned again and picked up her backpack, "leaving already?" Anya asked, pulling Lexa's hand towards Clarke.

"Yeah, it's getting late and I'm new in town. So I'm still gotta figure my way back home. My mom sent me to school this morning. So yeah," Anya and Octavia nodded in understanding while Lexa was busy looking else where. Clarke couldn't help but feel that the girl doesn't want her around and Anya seemed to sense this so she asked, "Where do you live by the way?" 

"Ark street? Have you heard that before?" 

Anya's eyes widened and much to Clarke's anticipation she was hoping it was good. But she saw the girl looking back at Lexa and the blonde knew this isn't going down too well. 

"Lexa lives at TonDC street. It's just a street away from yours Clarke." 

"Oh," and her blue eyes met those green ones that were looking at her in puzzlement. 

"I'm pretty sure, Lexa can walk you home. Its pretty near." 

"Anya!" Lexa hastily whispered pulling onto the girl's forearm. Clarke saw the small subtle action and shook her head, "it's okay, Anya. I'm pretty sure I can manage on my own. I don't wanna trouble Lexa," she smiled looking back at the brunette. 

"Oh no, that's fine Clarke. Lexa is more than willing to go home with you. Aren't you Lexie?" Anya arched her eyebrow at the girl challengingly, sending Lexa to grit her teeth staring at her friend's eyes with much vengeance.

"No. I don't mind at all," directing her eyes at Clarke.

Clarke swallowed hard feeling the unwanted feeling in the pit of her stomach.

////

"Are you sure about this?" Octavia questioned as she pulled her backpack in place.

Anya folded her arms and watched the brunette and the blonde leave the school gates. "Yes. Lexa needs a person like Clarke. I can see the potential on that blonde girl. I just hope they'll won't prove me wrong."

"If I only knew that you're a match maker I would have asked you a long time ago!" the small girl chuckled elbowing her on the ribs.

"Nope," emphasizing on the 'P', "you're helpless, Octavia."

"Rude!" pushing the girl to her side.

"What ever happens to that Jasper guy that I introduced to you?"

Octavia rolled her eyes and stomped her way out of the gate with Anya mockingly laughing at her.

////

"Thank you for showing me the way, Lexa" Clarke nodded as she turned around to face the brunette.

Lexa sighed and shrugged, "It's all good," she smiled curtly.

Clarke couldn't get the gnawing feeling that the girl must have really hated her guts and she have no idea why.

"Did I do something wrong, Lexa?" she asked carefully.

Lexa looked back at her with a slight panic but as quick as it appeared as quickly it faded - as if it was never there in the first place.

"You didn't," she answered promptly.

The blonde wasn't buying it, "Are you sure? Because it seems like you really hated my guts right now. I know that Anya troubled you in showing me the way but don't worry this will be the last time."

Lexa flexed her jaw, weighing in her possible replies. "Yes, Clarke," there it was again the 'K' sound, "I helped you and that is alright." Her tone and the way she speaks was very formal and it made Clarke wonder if she really speaks this way.  

She knew she won't be going anywhere with this girl, so she let it go. "Okay," raising her chin by an inch. Lexa saw her sudden change in demeanor and decided to take her leave, "you rest well, Clarke. I will see you in school tomorrow," she nodded once, turned around and headed for her street. 

Clarke frowned again at the girl's cold shoulder. It made her think over and over again why is the girl like that? What made her act that formal around her? Seeing her earlier that day she was completely different with Anya and Octavia. She sighed once more and watched that tall figure turned in the corner. And just like that she was even more enthralled by the girl named Lexa Heda. 


	5. The One With The Accidental Kiss

A hum reached your ears and the cover shifted, revealing a grinning blonde. That's the face that you've been waiting for all morning. Not that you've been awake for almost 2 hours now and patiently waiting for Clarke to wake up.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead," you smiled.

Clarke nudged your shoulder with her nose and pulled you more closer if that was even possible. All night, you've been feeling the blonde's softness and no, you're not trying to imagine any wayward thoughts about your best friend. That's the last thing you wanna think about especially now that you've just rekindled your friendship.

You don't know if the girl did it on intentional but she's definitely nuzzling your neck longer than you could imagine. It's making your insides do the loop de loops again. Thankfully, Clarke finally looked up and grinned sleepily and say the words that you've heard a thousand times before.

"That's the best sleep I had in years, Boo!"

"I can see that," you nodded sarcastically. When Clarke sense your sarcasm, she pouted and dived back down on your neck. You shuddered a bit by the ticklish touch, earning you a tease from your best friend.

"Clarke, stop that!" tilting your head to your left to push the girl's head away from your neck while your arms were wrestling the arm that got you caged all night. But Clarke didn't budged and kept pulling you incredibly closer, flushing her chest on your torso even more with her head trying to burrow on your hollowed neck. You realized that she wasn't wearing any bra but you knew that already. You've been to sleepovers and you know that Clarke Griffin doesn't wear bra when she sleeps and of course, when she cuddles you could feel it pressed up against you. But then again, this are just facts that only now did you take notice of and made fully aware of how wayward your head is.

" _Clarke_ ," your voice turned cold and harsh that Clarke abruptly snapped up to look at you and slowly recoiled. You didn't want it to happen but it has to. You're head wasn't playing nice at all ever since you woke up.

"I'm sorry. I was just playing with you," retracting her arms and legs and settled herself on the other side of bed furthest away from you as possible.

You closed your eyes for a nano second and hissed under your breath, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you," turning your eyes at your friend. Clarke seemed to calm down and swiftly drew closer to you in an instant.

"I'm sorry. I just missed you on my bed. That's all."

_Okay, you've got to read that one differently. Come on, the girl said she misses me on her bed!_

You shut your eyes again and took one deep breath, pushing away the dirty thoughts. But when you opened them, Clarke was staring at you worriedly.

"Are you okay, Boo?"

"Yes," you uttered too curtly, taking another deep breath you managed to pull a smile this time, "I miss it too."

_It wasn't even a lie._

Clarke grinned wider and pecked you on the cheek, before hopping off the bed and said, "I'll make breakfast!" As she made her way out of the bedroom.

While you, you leaned against the headboard and stared at blank space. You started thinking twice if this was ever a good idea. If you knew that you'll ever return to  _just_ being best friends. Having all this bottled up emotions about Clarke was it ever enough to make you back down. But then again, as delicious smell of bacon reached your nose. Everything was wiped off and you were following the trail of the delicious goodness.

"I smell bacon," you cheerfully grinned.

Clarke giggled and started beating her pancake batter before pouring it over the pan with a sizzle. You then pulled the chair from the long island, propped up your arm and placed your chin over, watching your best friend making magic just like the old days.

"I miss this," you murmured. Clarke turned around and smiled, "Me too. Cuddling and making breakfast."

"So domestic," you hinted.

Another fit of giggles reached your ears and almost made your stomach flutter. It was weird.

"What do you have for today?" you asked casually.

"I'm suppose to head for work in an hour. You?" glancing back at you.

"Since there's no work," placing the plate on the table then back up to your eyes, "I thought we could spend time together, you know make up for lost time."

"Oh," she nodded, already formulating excuses to not go to work. Plus, she had her things done yesterday and she's completely free from anymore meetings. This might actually work. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Let's spend time together," she said firmly.

"You have work, Clarke. I don't want to intrude. You must be busy with your schedules. It's okay. I could wait till tonight if you still wanna spend time with me," you said reassuringly.

You studied those blue eyes that you've missed the most and smiled faintly. "Alright then. I'll probably be out around 7? What do you wanna do?" 

"Well... There's this new horror movie," and you knew that Clarke flinches every time you say those words. The wide blue eyes and gapped lips tells you so. That's why you kept doing it.

"No," she replied calmly and quickly ducks down on her plate and cobbled up all her food before meeting your eyes. "Don't you give me that face," she castigated. 

You stare at her in disbelief, "what face?" maybe slightly offended too. 

"That puppy face. That thing that you do with your eyes and stupid pouty thing you do with your lips. My answer is final, Lexa." 

 _Lexa_ , you thought. _Clarke is definitely serious._ So you rolled your eyes and sighed, "Fine. Then how about we have a marathon then? You know like how we used to do before. We compromise. A horror and a comedy." You were feeling hopeful but the look on Clarke's face was still skeptical. "Please," you pouted. 

No one can back down to your puppy eyes, most especially Clarke. "Fine!" she puffed, flinging her arms in the air, "I don't like you," she added. 

"You never did!" 

////

You were prying your key off the door knob and cursed some more when you felt it jammed again. So you pushed the door wider, grab the side of the door with your left and your right still held tightly on the key - then you pulled hard. Finally, it came off, "thank God!" You sighed as you threw your keys over the bowl by the door and walked up to the kitchen to grab some water to drink. That's when you heard something weird. 

_Singing. Someone's singing inside my house._

You quickly scanned the entire living room, around the kitchen and then at the dark hall way that leads you to the two bedroom and a bathroom. "What the hell?" You slowly approached the sound with caution and tentative steps and realized it's coming from the bathroom. The sound of the shower suddenly startled you and when you tried to open the door it was unlocked, you made a quick detour to your bedroom, grab the steel lamp that the previous owner left behind and held it high as you approached the intruder. 

The shower curtain around the bathtub was drawn shut and the shower was running high and the intruder was still singing loudly. 

 __"No, not I, I will survive  
Long as I know how to love  
I know I'll stay alive  
I've got all my life to live  
And all my love to give and I'll survive  
I, I, I will survive!!!!"

You were shaking your head in great utter disgust. This intruder has the audacity to break in inside your apartment, use your shower and sing like no ones business. 

_Who does he think he is?!_

"HEY!" you shouted angrily, poking the curtain with the metal lamp with the cord hanging loosely from behind. "Come out! Who the fuck are you?! You even dare to use my shower?" You felt your lips sneered when the shower suddenly stopped and a head suddenly peeked out of it. You suddenly felt your shoulders sagged in relief, "Raven?" 

"Hey, Boo!" Raven grinned cheekily. 

"What the hell are you doing in my apartment? Why are you using my shower?" You quickly turned around when Raven pulled the curtain completely wide and shamelessly steps out of the bathtub naked. 

Raven rolled her eyes and grabs the towel by the toilet seat and dry herself up before speaking, "I spent the night here." 

"Is it safe?" 

"Yes, Lexa. It's safe," the girl grunted. 

So you turned around and pursed your lips at the irritation that your best friend was being. She can't seem to find a line of boundaries and locked doors are nothing but doors of incredible opportunities for her. She just have to picked it open and storm inside. 

"And why are you spending the night in my apartment? Don't you have your own place to crash?" you demanded, folding your arms and staring deep in her eyes. 

Raven grins coyly when she sees you seething in annoyance, "Because I miss being around my best friend. I don't think I know how to live on my own anymore. After 2 years, I feel so lonely," she pouted, giving you that sad little puppy face. You hated that bloody face. 

You rubbed your eyes tiredly and grunts louder as you exited out of the bathroom with naked Raven trailing behind. "I thought you wanted a place for yourself. So you could get away from my 'drama'." You exaggerated with finger quotes in the air.

When you turned around Raven was out of sight and saw the guest room swung open. You pushed it wider and felt your lips hung open, feeling astounded to see the place well decorated with pretty much with Raven's personal things. "Since when did you moved in into my guest room?!" Walking deeper inside the twilight zone.

The girl blushed red and smooths down her shirt. "You better be thankful, Raven that I'm not holding that fucking lamp right now cause I won't hold back using it to smack you right on the head."

She held her hands in surrender, "Okay. I'm sorry! I kind of moved _some_ of my stuff in here the other day when you weren't around. You know," she shrugs, "for future uses." 

"Future use-... And what future uses would that be? Are you intending to sleep here more often than you should be?" 

"Kind of?" squinting her eyes with an additional awkward grin. 

You flared your nostril and stares at her with animosity. Raven took a step back and looks at you cautiously. She could probably take a hint that you're slowly developing how to get a way with murder. You know, making it look like an accident or a suicide - nothing that will trace you back as being the culprit.

"I'll take all my stuff and go! You will never see me step inside this apartment ever again!" The girl swore and was quick to her feet, grabbing her stuff as she sped around the small room. You watched her moved towards the front door with two huge duffel bags and a sad smile, "I'll see you around, Boo." And as if my slow motion, Raven slowly reached for the door knob, peeking over you and commenting on what exactly she was doing. It's not like you need those subtitles. 

"I'm reaching for the door now.... I'm twisting it open... Pulling it wide," Raven peeked over with that wistful look and you, well you just stood there and nodded as she go. 

"And out of the door you go, " you waved away, ending with a stern look. Raven's shoulder slumped in defeat and trudged out of the door with a pout - giving you a one last puppy eyes. 

"Boo?" 

"Out!" You shunned her away. When the door finally closes, you sat down on the sofa, turn on the tv and waited for a good minute. You checked your phone clock and whispered, "5...4...3...2...1..." 

The door suddenly burst open with Raven bawling her eyes out, she ran up to your knees and you smiled deviously. You just love messing around with your best friend. When Raven sees that sly grin, she literally started punching you and you groaned but still laughing your ass off. 

"Stop it!" you chuckled pushing her away from you. Raven dropped back on the couch, wiping away her tears and when you looked over - she gave you those menacing glares that spells out 'I will kill you in your sleep.' But you don't care. "Who's the cry baby now? Huh?" you mocked, elbowing her on the ribs. 

"I hate you so freaking much!" Smacking you hard on the arm, that you almost felt your skin peeled off. 

"Ouw?" smacking her back. 

Raven was still seething quietly, staring blankly on the tv with her arms folded against her chest. She was reeking with defiance and anger but you knew it wouldn't last for long. That's how much you knew about her. "Raven," you called out. 

"I'm not talking to you." 

You sighed, "I was just messing around with you. Come on," touching her lightly on the shoulder but she only shrugs you off. "I'm sorry, okay? I won't do it again." 

"You know you're my only family, Lexa! I've got no one else to go back to!" flinging her arms in the air desperately, "How could you chase me away just like that?" 

"Rae," holding her both arm, making her look at you, "I'm sorry. It's just a joke. You can stay as long as you want." 

Raven frowned still not buying it. 

You squinted at her playfully, "don't you want that?" 

"I do!" she puffed. 

"Then it's done. Stay here. With me," you shrugged. Then a wide grin spread on that lips and two strong arms enveloped you until you felt your every bone in your torso were crushing into pieces. When she let go, she slumped back on the couch and brought her feet up on the coffee table for which you evidently swatted away, "No feet on the coffee table!" 

Raven rolled her eyes, "always a clean freak," she grumbled under her breath. You looked back at her and quirked your brow up, "you were saying something?" 

"Nothing!" and pulled that signature Raven smirk, making you roll your eyes. 

////

"So I realized that you didn't come home last night," Raven commented munching down on her chinese take out. 

You cleared your throat but your eyes were boring through that box of noodle, "No, I didn't." 

"Where were you?" 

When you finally looked up, Raven was sporting that huge sappy grin and you couldn't help but pursed your lips and held your hands together so tightly because you wanna wipe it off with so much violence. "Wipe that grin off of your face," you huffed and dived back down on your food. 

"So you did it?" she suddenly leaned forward on the coffee table, "you and Clarke finally made up?" 

"Yes," you said as a matter of fact. 

"Yes! Alleluia! I can't wait to tell everybody the great news!" she bellowed joyfully, fist pumping in the air. "So what did you? Did you had a wild passionate make up sex?" 

Your head suddenly snapped up and looked at her bizarrely, "NO!" you spat defensively. 

"Okay. Relax. So what did you do?" 

"We just slept," shrugging at the vague explanation. 

"As in...  _sleep_ or  _sleep sleep,"_ eyeing you suspiciously. 

You rolled your eyes, "sleep sleep. Nothing happened, Raven. I told her I've moved on and I'm ready to go back as just her best friend." 

"But you love her, "she argued. 

"Of course, I still do. But what else can I do when she doesn't see me as the way I see her? It's better this way than not being with her at all," shaking your head dismissing the fact that this was it. You can never have your best friend because she obviously doesn't feel the same way. This is the nearest relationship you could ever have with Clarke and you, just being you - you would take every opportunity to be close with her again. Spending 2 years desperately trying to get over your crush/like/love (whatever) for her only made it worst by missing her presence and now that you're back in town, you're on a peak of self destruction. However, with the second chance you had with Clarke to rekindle your friendship... It will either drag you down to the gates of hell _or_ keep you afloat and just keep swimming. You were definitely hoping for the latter. 

Raven looked at you in huge disbelief and you looked back at her mirroring her exact reaction. "Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"Clarke is fucking in love with you, you idiot!" She hollered loudly. 

But that still didn't registered inside your head, "wha- what do you mean Clarke's in love with me?" your voice suddenly stammered, when your heart started pounding against your rib cage. It was racing... Really fast that you can't keep up. 

Raven suddenly stood and covered her mouth with her two hands. She was gasping in horror of what she just said, "I  _totally_ shouldn't have told you that," shaking her head in horrifically, "Clarke's gonna kill me..." and started pacing around the kitchen. 

_Clarke... Clarke Griffin... My best friend. She's- She's in love with me._

You looked down on your hands on your lap and saw it shaking.  _Why is it shaking? Why am I nervous? Oh god... I'm nervous._ You suddenly stood up and started pacing too. You don't know what to do next. You don't know what to say. Should you go after her? But it's already too late now, she's probably busy at work. Shoving your hair away from your face, so that you can breathe properly but that didn't worked at all. So you bolted for the window and pulled open and strong gush of wind hit your face making you feel alive and breathing again. 

"Lexa," you turned around, Raven's face was panic stricken, "you can't tell Clarke that I told you. She's gonna kill me!" 

"Raven, do you know what this means?" walking over to her. Raven stares at you with wide eyes, "Clarke loves me," and you pulled that stupid goofy grin on your face. Crinkling your nose at the bubbly sensation in the pit of your stomach - you felt nothing but euphoria and full of hope. 

"Yes, Lexa. She loves you but she doesn't wanted to tell you because she knew you already moved on. Why do you think she made me run after you? Why do you think she always go to the city on her off day just to see you? That blonde head is crazy head over heels for you, Boo. There's no denying that. Hell, Finn couldn't even topped that because he knew that Clarke has a thing for you ever since the beginning." 

Hearing those words was like hitting the jackpot. All you could see was this red hearts coming out of Raven's mouth every single time she said a word. It was that exhilarating. But then something hit you, "I'm going out with her tonight." And it made you sat down on the long island with Raven watching you. 

"Why is that a problem?" 

"How can I act normal when now I know how she feels for me?" 

"You're right," chewing on her lips, thinking hard how to curb the situation. "She can't know that I told you. She's gonna murder me," stating the obvious. 

"I have to cancel tonight, Raven. I don't think I could handle myself well once I face her- When all I could think about was to kiss her-... Touch her-..." 

"Okay! Okay!" the girl waved her hands, "let's skip the gory details! Here's what we're gonna do..." 

////

"Hey!" 

You turned around and there she was, smiling at you. She was radiantly glowing with that sweet smile, with the green romper that hugs her body perfectly and oh gosh... those blue eyes. You could almost drown in them. You can't help but smile like a sap. 

"Lex?" snapping her finger in front of your face, you stumbled back and blinked a couple of times. 

"What?" 

"Are you okay? You blanked out there a little." 

"Oh..." 

 

 

**_"Rule number 1: Do not stare! Do not give too much eye contact. And gosh, Lexa for the love of God! Don't give her those freaky heart eyes."_ **

**_"Heart eyes?"_ **

**_"Yes! You know those stares that makes you drool."_ **

 

 

You swallowed hard at your pooling saliva in your mouth and quickly averted your eyes. "Sorry. Um...," looking straight ahead at the line of restaurants to choose from, "what do you feel like eating?" knotting your brows, you couldn't help but banter internally how hard it was not looking at Clarke. 

"I'm feeling like burger. Those _gooey cheese_ burger...," the blonde moaned. 

 _Are you fucking kidding me?_ You shut your eyes tightly, clenching your teeth and your hands were on a tight fist at the side of your rigid body. That moan was doing hell on you, that you almost left Clarke standing alone before stopping and turning around. "I'm sorry," taking three steps back and nodded at the Grounder's diner, "let's go." 

Clarke narrowed her eyes at you but didn't asked any more further questions. When the both of you reached the diner and both comfortably seated at the booth by the window. You peeked a glance at her - it's for guilty pleasure, you reasoned out. Clarke was staring at you suspiciously but once your eyes met she instantly smiled wider. You broke out of cold sweat. 

_She's getting suspicious._

"What can I get you ladies?" A waitress in a fitted uniform came strolling in and the first thing you noticed about her was her plunging neck line. You wondered if that's really appropriate at this work place but then ruled it out because she's probably getting more tips for her little show. 

"Eyes up here, honey," the waitress, who's name you completely forgot because you flustered like an over ripe tomato, flicked her pencil up to her face - earning you a smirk from her and a frown from Clarke. 

Quickly, you cleared your throat and dived back down on the menu, "Um... I'll get cheese burger and diet coke please. Thank you," you mumbled softly. 

Clarke ordered the same thing and once the waitress left, she was smiling at you playfully. 

"What?" you asked. 

"Nothing," waving away but that smile was still on her lips. 

"Not nothing. Tell me," you insisted. 

"It's just-... You know what, is it really hot in here?" Clarke fanned herself with her hands and took off her while blazer and sighed. 

But it didn't stopped there. 

_Oh hell no..._

Your eyes widened when the blonde zipped down the front zipper of her romper until a good proportion of her cleavage was showing. You swallowed hard as you pulled away from those view and bantered at your way ward thoughts. 

"So...," Clarke started. Once, you got your breathings even and you're finally calmed down for a brief 2 seconds of your life - you plunged the knife and look at her eyes. "What did you do today?" 

"Um...," you pondered as you watched Clarke suddenly leaned forward on the table with her folded arms, making her chest pushed up little. You almost choke with your words, "hung- hung out with Raven at home. Did you know that that girl had been camping inside my guest room for days?!" you quickly blurted with much hope to get your mind off the gutter. "I wasn't even aware of it... I found her showering in my bathtub this morning. I almost hit her with a lamp." 

Clarke laughed, "Raven is one hell of a friend isn't she? She must have missed living with you. You were each other's housemates back in the city, it must be hard settling in without the other." 

You pondered on this and nodded, "it was. Honestly, she's the one who was overly excited to finally get an apartment just for herself because she grew tired from all of my dramas about you-...." 

Clarke's brows shot up.

You cleared your throat. 

 

 

**_"Rule number 2: Never mention anything about the past. Never talk about your life without each other. Specifically don't ever talk about what happened this past 2 years of your separation. It's a very touchy subject for the both of you and god knows, you're only gonna bawl your eyes out."_ **

**_"What?" You asked defensively when Raven was still giving you 'the look'. "I don't cry!" You argued back._ **

**_She scoffed, "of course, you don't! 'You have something in your eyes'.... Like I've never heard that one before."_ **

 

 

"Um... Yeah. So now, Raven's staying with me. I kinda miss her company too," you shrugs. 

Clarke nodded, "do you miss my company too? I mean... When you were still in the city?" 

You felt your mouth hung open not knowing what to say. 

 

 

**_"What if she's the one who started talking about the past?"_ **

_**"Then you'll have to hold back... So rule number three: act it cool," she said in a laid back tone with her hands parting ways in such a 'cool' manner.** _

**_"So you mean, pretend that it doesn't bother me?"_ **

**_"Partially. You can say something like... Yeah, I did missed you but I got over it and moved on," Raven shrugs, "besides, you already told her that you've moved on. So that way it'll be clearer."_ **

 

 

"Yeah," you nodded but then slowly shrugs casually - hopefully it looks 'cool' enough, "but I got over it and moved on." 

"Oh," the girl nodded and you saw that disappointed look that peeked for a good one second and then it was gone. "That's good that you've moved on." 

"Yeah. The city helped me out and with Raven being there with me through thick and thin, I couldn't thank her enough. I don't know what would I do without her. She's like the best bestest friend sent from heaven," you chuckled. 

 

 

_**"Rule number four: Tell her that you're in a good place now. That you're happy with the things that had happened and the way it did."** _

__ _**You narrowed your eyes in suspicion, "isn't that a little too much? I mean, I want to show her that, yes, I am happy. But I don't wanna chase her away but sounding like I don't need her anymore. Or make her think that because of what she did... it led me to be stronger than I was before and moved on. Hence, being happy where I was standing now because I made it out alive.** _

_**Raven slowly pulled a grin, dawning on you on what you've just said.** _

_**"You're a cheeky little weasel," you gasped by the realization of the words you've just said.** _

_**She rolled her eyes, "you love me... And oh! Don't forget to tell her that I'm the best bestest friend sent from heaven that helped you through thick and thin with your tragic love story. It'll give me some leverage that I made a splendid well done."** _

_**"I don't know how you're still alive with that huge head of yours," you shakes your head in disbelief.** _

 

 

You watched Clarke chuckled uneasily, making you think that it was a wrong move. But you also wanted to give Raven some credit because it was true. She was there when you needed someone and you were there for her too. 

"You and Raven really grew closer, huh? I'm glad that she's there for you when I couldn't," Clarke shakes her head sadly. 

"Well I'm back and you're here now," you smiled warmly. 

Clarke reached forward and grabbed your hand, you suddenly sat still - feeling that prickling sensation on the very skin that she touches. 

 

 

_**"Rule number five: Never... And I mean NEVER make any physical contact. It'll only ruin your composure and will only make you wanna jump on her pants. So Lexie?** _

_**You frowned at your new nick name, "Lexie? Really?"** _

_**Raven nodded with that goofy grin.** _

_**"You're really enjoying this aren't you?" sighing dreadfully.** _

_**"Shut up and work with me here. This is for your own good. So Lexie?" she nodded slowly until you make an answer.** _

_**"Yes, Raven?" rolling your eyes.** _

_**"Touchy touchy is a No-No," she pouted in a small child like voice, you swear you wanted to strangle her for making too much fun out of your misery.** _

_**"Got it," you said sarcastically, pulling an 'ok' sign.** _

 

 

"And I will make the most out of it," another wide smile spread again on those thin lips and you just wanna-...

_**NO! No, vulture attacks, Lexa! Touchy Touchy is a No-No.** _

You quickly pulled your hand away and nodded affirmably, "me too." 

The look on Clarke's face was delighted but you couldn't get rid of the fact that those eyes were also showing a hint of sadness. You wanted to ask why but you decided not to because it'll may only dwell on your past and you know too well where will that lead you. 

"Here's your cheese burgers and diet cokes. Enjoy your meal!" The waitress gave you a wink before taking her leave but then you thought of Raven and called after her. 

When she returned, those flirty smiles were plastered and directed towards you. You may or may not saw Clarke in the corner of your eyes puffing in annoyance. "Can I have another set of this?" gesturing at your food. "Take away please. Thank you." 

"Right away, mam," the girl smirked and turned around. 

When you settled down comfortably and was about to grab the burger, you noticed Clarke frowning. "What's wrong?" 

"Hmm?" she suddenly looked up. 

"What's wrong? Why do you look upset?" you asked again. 

"Oh, nothing! I just um-... Just gonna grab another straw for my drink. Would you like one? Or... Just one straw? Like Raven?" she stammered and yet, seemingly searching something in your eyes. 

You felt that something was off. Like you're putting her off and making her act disorganized. This isn't Clarke, she's everywhere. At one point she's standing up but then sat down again, sighed and then stood up to get two more straws. 

"Thanks," poking the straw along with the other one on the drink, "are you sure you're okay?" 

"Yes! Perfect!" Clarke smiled tightly. 

////

As much as you don't wanna get affected by all things that Lexa was saying. You couldn't help but feel unneeded and unloved. Like the best friend that you've been eagerly waiting for for 2 years was not the same girl that you fell in love with... Hell, she's not even the same best friend that you grew up with. She's like this new whole person. Like the city had moulded her into a new shape and you wasn't sure if it's for the better or for worse. But right now, as you wait for your bill and watch her across the table looking out the window and couldn't even give you enough eye contact - it was hurting you in so many level. 

You felt that night was a bust. It was a disaster of reuniting with your best friend because she's not your best friend anymore. She's this girl who looks like Lexa but more distant and shied away. Regret and guilt was definitely mourning with you. Sitting beside you, patting your back. 

"Here's your change," the waitress named Echo came strutting in with that sly smile, bulging boobs, preying over you best friend. 

You felt your hands clutched into a tight fist on your lap. 

"Thank you, Echo," Lexa mumbled, smiling warmly. 

"Hey, you finally remembered," Echo giggled, touching lightly on the brunette's shoulder. 

 _Hey, you finally remembered! Hehehe... Remember my ass!_ You mocked internally. 

"And here is your take out. I hope to see you soon," she winked and left without even sparing you a glance. It's like you were invisible or something. 

Lexa grins and pocketed her change, "Oh," she picked up the receipt and showed you a phone number scribble across it. 

The pit of your stomach made a dip, then anger and annoyance erupted all of a sudden, "I think you should call her. She must be begging more for your attention that you lavishly gave!" 

You stormed out of the diner, with your heart racing and your head pounding in aggravation. You wanted this night to just only be you and Lexa and no one else. You wanted the night to be perfect and enjoyable just spending time with your best friend but so far, everything was a mess. Lexa was being distant and closed off, she won't even allow you to touch her hand. You knew that she loves holding hands even in public but it seems like it bothers her now. Is this it? Is this the night where their friendship would crippled and die? Is this the part where she'll just be the so called ex best friend of Lexa Heda because from how the girl describes Raven, she seems like the best friend instead of her. 

As much as you were relieved and contented that Raven was there for Lexa, you still can't shake off the feeling of being jealous and being replaced. It hurts you greatly and wanted nothing now but to go home, take a nice long bath and forget about everything that had happened. Lexa had moved on. Your love will not be known but that's fine because what's important now is for Lexa to be back and be surrounded by their friends. 

"Hey," a soft hand touched your shoulder, making you shudder. "Are you okay?" 

"Yes!" you answered too curtly. 

Lexa was looking at you dubiously but you only turned around and gestured at the path in front of you. You and Lexa walked in awkward silence. 

"You're thinking too loudly, Clarke," Lexa suddenly turned around and faces you. "What's wrong? Is it because we didn't get to watch the horror movie that you _so_ love to watch?" She smiled coyly. 

You rolled your eyes and scoffed, "no, you idiot. But we should do that marathon next time." 

Lexa grinned and nodded along with you. You thought she finally forgotten what you did back at the diner but you couldn't be so wrong. " So why did you suddenly stormed out of the diner?" 

"I know," shutting her eyes for a brief second, trying to be calm and collective, "I'm sorry." 

She was looking at you expectantly but you hold back your words and drown them. 

"That's it?" the brunette asked, "you're not planning to explain?" 

You opened your mouth again but then closed it. It never occurred to you that you would be this speechless around Lexa. You were usually the one who always wanted to talk about what's in your mind and here you are standing, not knowing the right words to say. You thought you had your emotions still intact and safely hidden but now you were merely keeping yourself afloat. Like after the second time of talking to Lexa, all of your buried emotions were resurfacing and came back to haunt you. 

"No," you said affirmably. 

The girl was taken aback, you were too. You don't know where that defiance was coming from. 

"Clarke? Are you really okay?" She was grabbing her forearm, she was looking really worried, "are you upset with me?" 

_I'm upset with myself._

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I don't know what got into me," shaking your head. 

Lexa sighed and shakes her head, "how about we grab ice cream?" 

By the sound of the word your head suddenly looked up and Lexa bursted into laughter. You knew that she knew that you're a sucker for ice creams, most especially-....

"... Rocky road. We'll get your ice cream in a minute, Clarke. Always so excited." You watched that face grins and laughs, so care free and happy. That's how you wanted her to be, even if that means not being with you. 

Both of your were walking down the street and was a block away from the ice cream parlor when Lexa suddenly stopped by the trash can, pulled out the receipt with the scribbled number of the waitress on it, looked up at you and smiled. You tilted your head to the side feeling unsure what Lexa was doing exactly. 

She then crumpled the paper into a tiny ball and threw it inside the bin. Lexa pulled another smile on you like she knows one of your little secrets and beckons for your hand. "Let's go. Our Rocky Road awaits," Lexa reached forward for your hand and started walking hand in hand. You couldn't help but ducked your head and smiled widely at how relieved you were when she didn't keep the number. 

_Maybe something better could happen after all._

They stepped out of the shop with a wafer cone topped with rocky road at hand, licking at its chocolatey goodness. "Thank you for the ice cream, Clarke." 

"Thank you for dinner, Lexa," she smiled goofily. 

Lexa laughed and nodded at her. You really missed her laughing. You just do and you could just stares at it all night. "You shouldn't be staring when someone's eating, Clarke." 

You cleared your throat and turn away, "I'm sorry. You just um...," pointing on her upper lip, "have chocolate smeared on you." 

"Oh? Where?" she started leaking on around her lips but you just laughed. Lexa frowned at you, "you're teasing me." 

You laughed again, "I'm sorry," shaking your head, "come here," you reached forward and wiped it away with your thumb. You showed it to her," see? I wasn't lying," quirking your brow before sucking your thumb clean. 

You suddenly realized what it looks like and when you looked up, Lexa was staring at you with dilated eyes. It made your insides squirm. "Um...," clearing your throat loudly, Lexa averted away, "where to now?" licking the ice cream busily to make yourself looking unaffected about what happened seconds ago. 

"We could go to our bench?" Lexa suggested. 

_Our bench. That sounds about right._

You smiled at this little changes but shakes your head, "it's too far off. Unless you wanna walk with that heels?" 

Lexa looked down on her feet and smiled shyly, "you're probably right. Well we could just walk around. You know mindlessly taking whatever directions and hopefully that ends us up somewhere?" 

You nodded, "mindless adventure. I like that, Boo." 

The two girls took the direction in the corner by the ice cream parlor and walked in silence. They made a small conversation, like their daily routines, work related, new friends, places that they've been to and those things were just the simple tasks. It keeps the important questions at bay. 

You smiled when Lexa started playing with your fingers. The feel of her palm against yours. The brush of your arms that always sends electric current through your body. You knew that Lexa feels it too because she jumps a little every time it happens. 

"I'm sorry that I chased you away, Lexa," you suddenly disclosed. It seems like you can't keep your words to yourself anymore. 

Lexa was quiet but thankfully, her grip on your hand was still tight - though it may have faltered a bit. The battling expression that she was sporting was painful, you didn't know you've caused that pain on her. 

"It doesn't matter. It's over now. We can finally move on." 

You suddenly looked up and saw her looking down at you. The sadness on those green eyes was evident and you just wanted to wipe it away. Before knowing it, you stepped on your toes and pecked her right on the tip of her nose... But that didn't exactly happened because Lexa stepped back and you stumbled forward and landed on her lips instead. 

You're eyes shot open and realized you were still kissing her. Quick as a mouse, you scurried a few steps away from her and watched the girl's blazing green eyes stares deep into yours. Yours chest was drumming, your ears were drowning with the beat of your own heart, your lips were agape and stares motionlessly at the girl who you've been so incredibly in love with. 

_But apparently, already moved on._

"You kissed me," Lexa rasped, still staring at you in unbelievable shock. 

"I-... I can explain!" 


	6. The Finishing Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cliff hanger is no more! Here is the part when both of them... Well you know, just go ahead and read. Enjoy!

You stared.  _Hard._ Your heart was drumming in your ears. The back of your throat grew dry. You know that once you made an attempt to speak again, you will choke. So you made an inaudible sound instead. 

"Uh...Um....Wo-...I-..." 

Clarke stared back at you with those frightful eyes, "I'm so sorry, Lexa. It was an accident. I didn't mean to..." 

You blinked a couple of times. You tried to close your lips and felt your throat incredibly rough. So you swallowed what's the remaining of your saliva and felt your eyes landed on those soft lips. 

"No..." And back into her eyes. 

You were in seconds in snapping. You know that. You could feel it in your bones. It's calling for you. It's begging you to make a move. 

_Do it now, Lexa! Do it now!_

And you did. 

////

You felt a strong hand at the back of your neck. You felt another arm around your waist. She's drawing you near and you blacked out. 

The only thing that kept repeating inside your head was...

_This can't be happening. No... This is impossible._

_This is really happening. It's happening!!!_

Those soft lips met yours again and both of were fighting for dominance. Hands were roaming as your back hit the brick wall of a dark and small alleyway. You could smell the musk and strong scent of garbage meters away but you didn't care. All you could think about is this girl pinning you against the wall, devouring every taste and feels of you. And all honesty, you could do _it_ right there and then. 

"Lexa..." You pulled away. 

Lexa immediately took a step back, completely startled as if she just woke up from a far away dream. 

"I'm sorry- Clarke, I'm so sorry. I thought- You- We-...," She was doing a wild hand action, seemingly gesturing between you and her. You found it adorable. 

Lexa then pursed her lips and decided to keep her mouth shut. You, on the other hand, was trying not to laugh at how ridiculously funny and cute she was. You decided to play along and make it  _more_ awkward as it is, knowing that it will riled up the brunette. 

So you kept quiet and stares at her. 

////

_"Lexa..."_

_Oh no... No, no, no,no. This can't be happening. She can't be saying that it was a mistake. It was a wrong move. She doesn't like me... Raven is SO dead! I should have used my head instead of my stupid reckless heart!_

"I'm sorry- Clarke, I'm so sorry. I thought- You- We-...," You were going nuts! Your hands were all over the place, trying to make out a word or a sentence to end your night. But the only way to end your night in a peaceful and quiet manner was to have a sword pierced through your heart to save you from all the embarrassment. 

_How could I be so stupid! Of course Clarke doesn't like me! Look at her looking so perfect, staring at me WITH DISGUST!_

_I'm so ashamed of myself._

You shake your head and took another step backwards. Clarke was still staring at your with that stoic face and you couldn't help but squirm in fear. 

"Please say something...," you finally broke down. 

She heaved a heavy breath and sighed. "You're unbelievable, Lexa. What took you so long?!" 

Clarke shoved you against the wall and conquered your lips. You felt her tugged onto your lower lip and heard yourself whimpered. You started thinking twice if it was really you or somebody else. You can't believe that your best friend is kissing you. You can't believe that her hand was around your bottom squeezing it while the other was around your neck pulling you closer - if that was still possible. 

You finally let go. You finally let go of what was hurting you... Of what was stopping you in the first place. The moment is finally here and you thought that you're going crazy because Clarke's growling at you as if she was so irritated and worked up over something. You really can't believe this was happening. 

"I hate you!" Clarke grumbled under her breath, with her teeth still nibbling your neck. 

You craned your neck for better access and pulled her closer. 

"Why?" 

She shoved hard against the wall and growled again. "I fucking hate you, Heda! Argh!" She pinned you hard against the wall with her torso and buried her face against the crooked of your neck. You felt your skin being sucked on and you know that it's gonna leave a mark. Clarke's blowing up. 

"I'm sorry...," you whispered in her ear. 

Then she stopped. You felt her weight over you and felt her breathing gone heavy. Her arms were around your waist, hugging you now. And you initiated to do the same because you know what's about to get down. 

////

You can't make it stop. Your emotions are its peaks. There's no way to make it stop without letting it go. So you let go. 

The first gush of waterfall hit the base of your chin. Then followed by the ragged - heavy breathing and then, the hiccups. You hate it when you cry because you always find it so hard to speak. But you knew that with your best friend around you don't have to explain yourself. 

"I'm sorry....," Lexa whispered again and you cried even harder. "Ssshh... I'm here. I won't leave again. I promise you." 

You hugged her harder and tighter. Your heart was caving in because you were so afraid that once you opened your eyes she'll disappear again. So you just let it be. You just let it do its own thing until it finally let you go from your burdens of untold emotions. 

"SShhh... Hey... You want ice cream?" The brunette suddenly asked. 

You hate it when things are so emotional, she'll just blurt out a sentence just like that. So you punched her on waist and you received back a chuckle and another tight hug. There's no other place you would want to be right now. Not even Paris or Rome. This is the best place you could ever be... In the arms of Lexa Heda. 

"I hate you," you repeated again, burying your face deeper on her neck. It seems like it's the only thing you were allowed to say. 

Lexa sighed and pulled you closer, "I love you." 

And you melted.

////

This past few years you've learnt a lot of things. You've learnt how to stand on your own. You've learnt not to depend on others. You've learnt not to take things for granted and always learn to always give back. There are so many good things in life that you are so grateful for and part of that was Clarke Griffin. 

Among of all the people that you've met, people that you just randomly past in the train, in the bus, in the street. Caught glances from strangers, you always imagine yourself that your  _'the one'_ would be one of these strangers. But what you didn't know that it was just under your nose. She was just right there in front of you or maybe beside you, while you were so busy looking at someone else. 

You never thought that till the moment you realized that you fell for her, you will never have the reciprocation that you have been dreaming of. That you finally realized and accepted your fate to be alone and pretend that you're happy for your best friend. So you took flight and let yourself be free from the worries and hate that you've accumulated for such a long time. You allowed yourself to be on your own and breathe on your own. 

It was frightening and yet, beautiful. 

But nothing is more beautiful than the person sitting beside you. 

You caught her stealing glances from you. It made you smile. 

"Hey..." You nudged her knee. 

Clarke glared at your and you knew that she was still fighting it. 

"Come ooon.Let me see it," nudging her knee again. 

She gave you a hard look before cracking into a sappy grin. 

"There it is!" You teased and you laughed some more when she shyly ducked her head onto your neck. "Hey, talk to me." 

"I hate you," Clarke said, pinching you on your waist. 

You pulled her arms away and rolled your eyes, "is that the only thing you can say, Clarke?" You gently pushed her away, to look into her eyes but she kept ducking down. "Hey... Look at me," You tilt her chin up until her blues meet your greens. "Talk to me.  _Please?"_

/////

You can't believe this was happening. You can't believe that it happened. It was so fast and so surreal. After years of pining and dreaming for this moment - it finally arrived. You couldn't help but be such an emotional wreck. 

"Hey... Look at me. Talk to me.  _Please?"_ She begged. 

You can't believe what happened after. You never felt so embarrassed in your entire life. 

You opened your mouth but your bottom half beats you first. A loud eruption sound blasted and Lexa automatically irked away, covering her nose. The shock and amusement in her eyes were brightly shining. You wanna drop dead right there and then. 

"Did you just-...." 

You pursed your lips and pressed your tummy as hard as you can to ease the pain radiating from it. 

"Shut up!" And ran for the nearest washroom and let it go  _some more._

/////

"Shut up!" Clarke covered her ears and you couldn't help but laugh. 

Your stomach too was aching but with hilarity. 

"Hey," You pulled her arms down and looks at her straight in the eyes, "It's okay. I forgot how crappy your stomach with dairy." 

"That was so embarrassing!" Clarke whined and pouted, averting away to at least have some dignity left. 

You decided to play along, seeing that Clarke was already at her miserable state. "Yeah, that was the most epic fail confession ever! You're  _sooo_ disgusting, Clarke! Did you farted with bits of-...." 

You immediately covered your best friend's mouth and hissed in her ear, "I will kill you! Don't you dare!" 

Lexa bit your hand just like how she always do every time you did that to her. You felt nostalgic. 

"Come on, let's get you home to save you some dignity. I think that little stunt was enough to kill the vibe," You couldn't help but laugh as Clarke yanked away her arm and stormed into her street. 

////

"Well there you go," You gestured at the apartment. "Goodnight, Clarke." 

Clarke stood by the foot of the stairs and looks back at you. 

"Thank you for tonight, Boo. This really means a lot to me." 

You smiled shyly and seemingly found it hard to look back at those blue eyes. "Me too. It really means a lot to me too. Thank you, Clarke." 

Clarke nodded and you nodded back. Both of you stood there for a moment, not saying a word, not even looking at each other. As if both of you were waiting for something to happen.

You were about to make the first move when Clarke cupped her cheeks and kissed you on the lips. Your heart raced a thousand times faster. You thought you're not gonna move but finally break out of your little stun and rake those blonde hair away from her face and kiss her senseless. 

Clarke moaned on your lips and you felt your lips smiled. Those are the sounds that you wanna keep hearing day and night. Clarke then hastily pulled away, whispered on your ears, "I love you, Lexa," turns around and left you standing by the door way all alone like a stupid idiot with that grin plastered on your face. 

////

"What's wrong with you?" Raven asked, kicking your head lightly as she sits beside you on the sofa. 

You were lying down upside down, facing the ceiling, just thinking. You didn't even noticed the goofy smile on your lips that got Raven curious of what the heck happened hours ago. 

"Oh my god...," you chuckled easily, covering your flustered face with your hands. 

Raven squinted and pulled your arms free but you won't let go. "Heda, what's wrong with you? Why are you smiling like that? Did the squid finally evolved into a pokemon or something?" 

You gave her a quick glare and covered your red face again. "Something happened." 

"What happened?" 

You peeked between your fingers and said, "we kissed." 

Raven arched her eyebrow and drew her face nearer, "you what?" 

Rolling your eyes, you knew that she heard you, "we kissed." 

"What- What was that? I can't hear you, Heda." 

Grunting, you pulled down your hands and said loud and clear, " _WE KISSED!"_

And a shot of pain hit your head followed by a loud hyena laughter from the girl. You shoved her against the sofa as you shifted and sat down properly - folding your arms at what Raven finds so hilarious about your situation. 

"You-...You- You _really_ kissed? Oh my god! That's so epic! HAHAAHAHHA!" She laughed again. 

You couldn't help but wonder why is it so funny. 

"What's so funny?" 

"Because a minute ago I was on the phone with Clarke and she said the same thing! Oh my god! You people are so disgustingly cute! She can't even finish her sentences. So I slammed the phone on her," Raven informed then bursted into another fits of laughter. 

You stared at her in bewilderment. How could she be so cruel on someone who can't speak a coherent sentences just because something  _huge_ just happened. Raven seemed to get the point. 

"Don't worry, Heda. Clarke's used to it. I've done it for years, especially back in New York but anyways," she sighs, "you and Griffin huh?" nudging you on the shoulders, waggling her annoying eyebrows and delirious smirks. 

You groaned and blushed even more. You can't believe that this literally happened. You can't help but replaying the whole scenario in your head and ended up being goofy about it. 

"Oh! OH! Look at that smile. Dang, girl you still got it bad! So when's the wedding?" 

"Wedding? No!" 

_Maybe in a couple of months. After a romantic walk to the beach and fire works display while kneeling on one knee. Then-_

"I can hear you planning the wedding inside your head, Heda." Raven said in a deadpan. 

You shot her another glare but then smiles shyly away because you know that it's all true. 

"We haven't talked about it." You said. 

"Wow. You move fast don't you. You go, tiger!" Raven chuckled, nudging you again. 

"No! Not the wedding. The kiss," you shrugged. 

"Wait- Wait. You kissed and  _never_ talked about it?" 

You shook your head. 

"Not even a little bit?" 

You nodded. 

"Nada?" 

"You nodded again. 

"Seriously?" She seemed a little annoyed. 

"Yes, Raven. I don't know. I guess, we were just too caught up-..." 

"Kissing?" And she laughed again. So you did what you have to do. You took the throw pillow and stuffed it over her face until she's senseless. 

////

You were walking on a dreamland. You were walking on space. The path before you changes with every step and each step was light as paper and sunny as the sun. You covered your eyes with your hand and felt those lips formed a smile. You've never seen something so magnificent and destructive at the same time. But you knew this. You knew that she'll be destructive and blowing every proportion of you. 

She already did. 

"Hey," you said. 

You felt your hand being tugged lightly and felt those lips touched the tip of your nose. You smiled sweetly. 

"Hey," she said. 

Both of you walked down the street with hands holding as if it's just the normal day for two best friends. But you knew that this time its different. 

_Oh so much different!_

"Did you see the trailer?" You asked, trying to feign away the awkward and yet, sappy atmosphere. 

Clarke smiled shyly and bite her lips. You knew that look. Oh you knew that look all too well. 

"You watched it without sounds didn't you?" Giving her a deadpan look. 

And she began to laugh. 

"I still-... I just can't, Boo. Did you know...," Clarke suddenly blurted and you knew that here comes the rambling of Griffin. The endless tales of why she shouldn't watch horror movies or anything really. "What made a horror movie scary?" 

You rolled your eyes and when she gave you a pointing look. You shake your head and said, "What, Clarke?" 

"Sound effects! Sound effects, Boo!" Oh Clarke was so serious. "Have you watched horror trailers without sounds? They're less scary and unnerving." 

"Gee! Way to go killing the horror vibe," widening your eyes sarcastically. 

"Boooo... Do we really have to watch it?" She was pulling on your arm and pouting like a little kid. 

"Hey! We made a deal! One horror and one comedy. You get your comedy and I get my horror. It's a win win," you argued, shrugging. 

"I really hate you, Boo," Clarke groaned. 

////

"Aaaaaaaahhhh!" 

The high screaming pitch sound drowned your left ear that made you shifted away from those strong arms. Then you heard a muffled sob next. You looked around and everyone was quiet and engrossed by the big screen, while here you are, pursing your lips, trying so hard to keep the laughter within. 

"Is it gone?" Clarke sobbed, pulling your neck closer to her with her face glued to your left cheeks. 

She was shaking. Literally. It made you think that maybe this horror movie was too much for her. It did won an award for being the best horror movie of the year. 

"Yes, Clarke. It's gone. Can't you hear the shift on the sound effects?" Rolling your eyes in amusement. 

Clarke peeked at the screen and buried her your face again, "AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" 

She jolted as the sound made a drastic change. You could feel her heavy and warm breath on your cheek. Her lips pressing against your skin, feeling the moist in her ragged breath. You couldn't help but feel goosebumps radiating on your left side. You shifted a little on your seat trying not to focus on Clarke Griffin 'the distraction'. 

It took a little while longer to focus on the movie. It was a great movie and you loved every single part of it. 

_Mostly because of Clarke's inevitable touches and tight hugs. With an exception of the screaming._

The lights turned on and Clarke was still clinging to you like a monkey. You nudged her. 

"Clarke." 

She peeked, "is it over?" 

"Yes, Clarke." 

Clarke finally untangled herself and sighs, "What happened?" 

The smile on her lips was wide and happy and you couldn't help but feel a little annoyed. You hated it every time this happens. 

"The little girl died." 

"Really?" Clarke leaned over the arm rest, feigning a very curious look. "Why? What happened to her? Who killed her?" 

Rolling your eyes, you stood up and walked away. "Stop asking what happened, Clarke. You were right there." 

Clarke pouted and ran after you. 

"If you would just stop screaming in my ears and shoving your face on my cheek then you would have seen what happened to her," you said, rolling your left arm that apparently grew numb. 

You turned around and watch the girl walked down the stairs, looking a little unhappy. You sighed and beckoned her to come quick. 

"Let's go. Let's watch your comedy." 

And just like that Clarke was back to her old self again. 

////

The sound of her laughter makes your head spin. In a good way. The sparkle and alive look on her blue eyes was vivid. Those perfectly corn-sized set of teeth was showing with her entire body shaking in laughter. You found yourself smiling because moments like this is what you  misses the most. 

"Did you see what he did?" Clarke laughs, wiping away the escaped tears from her eyes. 

"Yeah! So funny!" You joined in. 

Both of you walked out of the theatre and met the strong cold breeze of the evening. You hugged your body tighter and sniffled. You hate the cold. There was always something about the cold that hits your skin seems so unnerving. Being inside was another story, watching the first fall of a snow flake. The ambience of warm and cozy. The feeling of hot choco on your hands as you snuggled up on your bed, under the covers watching those sheets of rain falling on the pavement or white soft blanket of snow falling on the trees. 

It was something nostalgic experiencing from the inside. That was your favorite part. 

You and Clarke walked down the street in silence. No body contact. No words. No eye contact. It was all bare and raw with so much words and emotions left unsaid. After the huge breakthrough 3 days ago, you started evolving different kinds of scenarios inside your head how will you and Clarke talk it out. How she will react. How you will talk. The touches. The looks. The smiles. Stolen glances. It was exciting and to be honest, it was something you immediately want to talk about but not, at the same time. 

By this moment of silence, you were able to reach the intersection of the main town and since it's the weekend the street was crowded with people. Children talking so animatedly to their parents. Teenagers with their friends. Couples. Singles. It was just at this moment you decided to delve yourself on people watching to keep the pending conversation at bay... At least for a little while longer. You seemed to be gathering enough strength and courage to spill the beans. 

You looked to your right and Clarke seems peaceful. The already plastered smile on her lips was never gone and so was the sparkle in her eyes. The blues were shining as you walk past the lamp posts and you watched, seeing it react on different things. Being on this silent walks was a part of the reason why you fell for her. At first it was awkward and as much as possible you wanted something to talk about. It was hard coping but with Clarke's resilience and sheer provocation. You don't think you'll ever have this comfortable silence. You smiled because thinking back you had gone through so much and here you are almost at the finishing line. Clarke is at the far end with arm extended, waiting for you to finish the race. 

You're almost there. 

////

Besides from authoritative command in her voice. The convincing speech that sometime you knew that she was just bullshitting around, you knew that she was something different. You love it when she starts rambling on and on trying to hide something. You love it how her eyes would shift left to right uncomfortably when she's caught doing something inappropriate or most especially when lying. The way she blinks and looks at you with so much purpose and you couldn't help but feel and  _believe_ that in her eyes, you were the only one that she was seeing. You love it how she always listens attentively and sincerely without cutting your sentences. The look of security and presence that made you want to know her more. 

The silence and awkwardness was partially the reason as well but the mysteriousness and aloofness was a given point too. Stoic mask, ghostly smiles and irrevocably resting bitch face was a part too why you had a second thought. But you were thankful enough that you didn't gave up then you wouldn't witness this beautiful, caring, smart, sensitive and warm hearted girl. Which unexpectedly, you fell in love with. 

You looked to your side and saw her turning away. You knew she isn't much for her words but the eyes tells her story. You were walking now on less busy road, crossing the street into the small pathway that meanders into the park. At the far end there will be array of benches and just by one look you knew you misses it. The overview of the whole expanse of the lake. The quiet stillness of the night and the lazy halo of the full moon dragging onto the calm waters. 

The bench felt cold to the touch but your knew it will warm up soon with the girl take the seat beside you. 

Two ragged breaths were heard. 

Yours and hers. 

////

You licked your lips and stares straight ahead. It was weird that the comfortable silence suddenly disappears once you took a seat. Now it was over bearing and the silence of the park was deafening in your ears. Your fingers were drumming on your lap as your iron straight back slowly leans back. 

You let go the breath you didn't know you were holding and slowly stole a glance. 

There she was, still smiling. You weren't sure if she could feel the awkwardness as you. 

"It's full moon," Clarke suddenly said. 

Following her line of vision, you looked up and saw how huge the moon was tonight. It was the brightest and biggest moon you've seen in a long time. 

"It is," you whispered. 

"I can't sleep well every time it's full moon," she suddenly said, feigning that frown as she looks at you. You knew that look all too well. 

Deciding to push that thought away, you decided to make a joke, "what are you? A werewolf or something?" Pulling a little amusing smirk. 

Clarke made a face and turns away. "I'm serious, Boo," pulling a shrug. 

Of course, she's serious. Few years ago, she knocked on your doorstep 4am in the morning with a big black ring around her eyes and definite sob that was about to come. She cried in your arms complaining that she can't sleep because of the 'damn stupid full moon!' And you thought what does a full moon got to do with her sleeping? Then you starts to wonder if she's drunk or tipsy but without a hint of alcohol in her breath nor her clothes, you decided to pull her on your bed and let her snuggle you. Both of you instantly fell asleep and the morning came, and the same old lines from Clarke was recycled again. 

"Of course you are," she saw you rolling your eyes and shoved you lightly to the side. 

Clarke sighed leans to your side, the warmth of her body was a great insulator. So you snuggled up a little too. 

"How long?" 

You suddenly tensed up. Clarke was still unmoved and you don't dare to look at her because she might be watching you. 

"Few years." 

A grunt resounded. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I don't really have a reason to, Clarke. You're my best friend and... You were with someone else," looking down on your hands suddenly looking so interesting. 

Clarke sighs and closes her eyes. "Few years too," answer her own question, "First time I saw you, I knew you were different." 

"First sight?" 

"No." Said Clarke, "I knew you were quiet. Shy. Very mysterious. I guess I have a type." She chuckles, making you smile. "I wanted to know more about you. I got intrigued. As more times we spent together the more I got so invested in you." 

"When did you found out?" 

Silence followed next and you thought you'll never hear the answer. 

"The day I bumped into Anya." 

"Anya?" You were curious how your 'loving' self- proclaimed sister came into the picture. 

"Yeah... We talked. Until our conversation revolved around you." 

"Me?" You felt her nodded. 

"Remember that annoying serious face she always has?" 

You nodded. 

"It was completely wiped away and try to imagine her smiling with those high cheek bones and those sparkly white little teeth while saying 'you're in love with Lexa.'" 

"What?!" You whipped your head to her with shock. "She said that?" 

Clarke leaned away and nodded amusingly. 

"Very straight forward. On point. Then in one blink she's back into a total bitch. 'I'm warning you, Griffin. Don't you dare hurt Lexa or else!'" 

"What did you say?" 

Clarke shrugged, "I denied that I was in love with you. Then she went rambling on and on about us spending too much time together, those little notes that I randomly give you and..." Clarke seemed to be struggling to get the next words out. 

You frowned at her, "what Clarke?" 

"The um...," she was pointing on your arms, "the- the..." 

"The?" 

"Bite marks?" 

"Oh..." 

You're face automatically flushed red as you looked away. The wandering blue eyes were watching you but you refused to acknowledge it. Because you remembered it. You remembered it so well as if it just happened yesterday. 

_***6 years ago*** _

Lexa walked around the huge expanse of their backyard, guests were everywhere. Fine gentlemen and fancy elegant women chatting with wine and flutes in hand. Everything was looking posh and expensive just as how her dad likes it. It was her dad's way to solicit financial sponsorship to his charity works and other company projects. Shaking her head, she made her way towards the buffet table and look for any familiar blonde girl. 

"Lexa!" 

She turns around and Harper McIntyre the daughter of one of Gustus' co-member of the board. 

"Hey, Harper. How's your night?" She asked. 

"Just got better," Harper winked and she knew that this girl still won't back down. "Can I fancy you a drink?" 

"Oh... No, thank you." 

"How about a dance? One song at least?" The hopefulness in her eyes was enough for her to give in. She had been rejecting the girl more than her fingers could count. 

"Sure." 

And Harper stirred her into the dance floor and held her tightly around the waist. Her smile was radiantly shining and Lexa gave a soft appreciative smile. Deciding to feel the music instead of wondering where Clarke could be, she locked her hands together behind the girl's neck, making her draw nearer to Harper. She felt Harper took a deep breath as those eyes landed on hers. She feels bad because after all these years she can never and still can't reciprocate what she feels for her. 

"Lexa..." 

The way she calls her name, made known to her that they'll be talking about it again. Sighing internally, she met those somber eyes. 

"Harper-..." 

"Still a no?" 

Lexa turns away and saw a glimmer her gold hair bouncing away into the back kitchen. 

_Clarke?_

"Lexa?" 

"What?" She blinks as she completely forgotten to reply Harper. "Harper... I'm sorry. I've told you before. I don't feel anything and I hate putting on the spot and let it be one-sided love. I-... You deserve better than that." 

Harper smiles sadly and nodded, "I know. But it's worth a shot. She'll be a lucky person to personally know you, Lexa. You're a great and loving person. You're easy to love, Lexa. People who don't see that are idiots." 

Lexa smiles shyly. "Thank you, Harper. You're the longest friend I have and I hope we could still be friends." 

"Of course. Might take a little time but... We're friends Lexa. That's how much I love you." 

Lexa nodded in acknowledgement when she noticed again a golden hair shining under the spotlight. She followed it moving around. "I'm sorry, Harper. I've got to go." 

The girl let her go with Lexa pecking Harper on the cheek and ran all over the place looking for the golden head girl. 

She finally spotted her near the house. "Clarke?" She called after the girl but she didn't seem to hear her. 

Lexa tailed her inside the house and there she found the girl. 

"Clarke?" 

The girl turns around. The look on her face was ashen. A hint of sadness and... 

_Was that tears? Is she crying?_

"Clarke? Are you alright?" She walked closer, "what's wrong?" 

Clarke turns around and quickly walked to the fridge and pulled out a jug of cold water. She poured herself a glass and drank in one go. Lexa watched her the entire time, feeling extremely worried. 

"Clarke? What's wrong? Did something happened?" She pulled her best friend's arms to face her. 

"Nothing!" Clarke smiles faintly but her eyes was brewing something else. "I'm fine," pulling her arms free. She grabbed another glass of water and drank in one go. 

Lexa was beaten. It was entirely different story when Lexa bombarding Clarke for an answer - compared to what usually happens. 

"Okay...," the brunette took a step back and sigh. "Um... Do you wanna head out? Eat something? They have eclairs at the dessert table." She offered enthusiastically. Hoping to tame the mysteriously quiet and saddened girl. 

Clarke nodded. 

=============

The party was almost ending and the people were starting to leave. Despite the night was about to wear down, there were still a few people dancing on the dance floor. 

"Hey," she nudged her by the knee, "Wanna dance?" 

Clarke looks from her half eaten eclairs and glances at the dance floor. 

"Okay." 

The girls  let the music do the dancing for them. They just stood there with their bodies close but not intimate enough. It was obvious that the awkwardness and silent unspoken words was there. It was lingering in the air that got Lexa wondering wildly why was Clarke suddenly acting so reserved. It was so unlike her. 

"Where's your friend?" Asked Clarke. 

"Hmm? Friend?" 

"Yeah. The one you were dancing with a while ago," meeting those green eyes. 

"Oh! Harper!" Lexa looks around the vicinity and shrugs, "she must have already left. Why?" 

Clarke shrugs, couldn't meet her eyes. "She seems nice. So Harper huh. How did you guys meet? Didn't hear from her before." 

"Oh. We only meet during company balls or grand parties. She's the daughter of one of dad's co-member of the board. I've known her since I was 6? I think. During one of the Christmas balls." 

"Oh...," Clarke nodded, seemingly thinking about something. "What's she like?" 

"Hmm. She's a great friend. I like her. Funny. Very  _very_ smart. Very grounded too." Lexa wonders thoughtfully. 

Clarke nodded along with her, slightly loosening her grip around the girl's neck. 

"You like her?" 

"Hmm? Yeah, she's a great person. Very entertaining," the brunette chuckles softly, remember the hilarious moments she had with Harper. 

"That's great. Great... So when's the wedding?" Clarke suddenly asked, pulling a strained smirk. Hoping it will pass and be enough after saying the words that she forced to say. 

Lexa looks at her weirdly. "What wedding? There's no wedding, Clarke." 

"Oh you weren't at that stage yet? That's okay. You'll eventually work it out," patting her shoulders. 

Lexa pulls away and stares at her hard, completely confused. "What are you talking about, Clarke? There's no wedding happening  _ever._ Harper and I aren't together." 

Clarke blinked fast, as if it suddenly occurred to her her terrible presumption. 

"You- Harper- Aren't a thing?" 

"No! Of course not, you silly! Why would we?" snorting a little at how ridiculous it was. 

"I saw you kissed her. I just thought, you know-... You and her," Clarke shrugs. 

"Oh! No! I mean yes, I kissed her," and she instantly saw the the fell on those blue eyes. "On the  _cheek_ , Clarke. No where else." Lexa doesn't know why but she felt like she have to explain herself with Clarke. As if she wanted to tell her that Harper was just a childhood friend and nothing else. That she can't be compared to Harper because... She's Clarke Griffin. But of course she didn't say that. 

Clarke instinctively took a deep breath and nodded, "Oh... Right. Sorry. I thought you-... And Harper were a thing. You seemed pretty close." 

Lexa watches the blonde scratches her neck awkwardly, not even meeting her eyes. "No we're not, Clarke. She's just my childhood friend. But you'remy _best friend_. I think the category speaks for it's self, Clarke." She winks playfully. 

Clarke smiles shyly and hides away on Lexa's neck. Lexa let herself be pulled away and felt the sigh on her neck. 

"Boo?" Clarke asked with a hint of affection. 

"Hmm?" Lexa hummed. 

"Nothing." 

And felt the blonde's hug tightened around her. 

==================

The evening breeze wasn't that too cold. Lexa was very relieved. Her dress was excessively bare than she wants it to be. But thankfully, it wasn't too chilly to walk down the street. Clarke was quiet. Ever since they left her house and away from the party, Lexa noticed Clarke being exceptionally and weirdly reserved. It was unnerving. 

"Clarke are you okay?" Lexa asked. 

"I'm fine, Boo. No worries," smiling at her before looking down on the pavement and be quiet again. 

Lexa watches her for a moment and decided not to push it. Clarke is the talker between them two and she knew she needed time to process and say what she have to say. At the mean time, she'll give her time until she's ready. 

They were nearing the girl's street and felt another strong squeeze on their linked hands. The brunette looks down on their hands and felt Clarke tugging on her hand and bite her hand. The blonde was growling as if she was so annoyed over something. 

"Ouw! Clarke...," She gasped, pulling her hand free. She looks at it and dawned on a deep bite marks on her hand. "Why did you bit me?" 

Clarke growled again and grabbed her other hand and bit her again. Lexa whined because she didn't managed to pull away too fast. And another set of bite marks on the other hand. 

"Clarke, What's wrong?!" Lexa was exasperated and very annoyed by her best friend's weird behavior. She rubs the bite marks and winced at the pain. 

Clarke pouted and stuck out her tongue at her before running into their driveway and stopping by the door, waiting for Lexa. 

Lexa ran after her and with a very perturbed look. "What's wrong with you? You've been acting so weird tonight." 

"Nothing! I'm fine. Jesus, Lexa. Stop worrying so much!" Clarke rolled her eyes and she's back to her old self again. 

Lexa set her jaw and stares at Clarke for the longest time. "What's wrong, Clarke?" 

"Nothing! Oh my god!" The girl threw her hands in the air before pulling the brunette nearer and pecked her on the nose. "Goodnight, Boo!" And out of nowhere, lunged onto Lexa's exposed arm and took a huge big bite. 

"Oouuuuwww!!! Fuck!!!" Lexa screamed at the top of her voice, pushing Clarke away from. "Claaarrkkee!" 

"Night, Boo!" And escaped inside the house. 

The following morning Lexa woke up with huge blue black patch on her arm and hands.

////

You shifted on your seat and glanced at Clarke. 

"The bite mark," shaking your head ridiculously. "My dad thought I was harassed. He almost called the cops, Clarke." 

Clarke snickered a little and snuggled up. "Sorry." 

"Were you jealous?" You couldn't help but feel the goosebumps crawling on your skin. You never like this kind of confession but you knew it has to be done. Cause this is it. This is it both of you confessing. It's crazy. 

You felt another nod. "I never thought I'll feel it." Clarke scoffed, "god... When I saw her wrapped around you, the way she looks at you. God..." 

You saw how her hands clenched and unclenched. You grabbed her hand and instantly, felt a soaring pain. 

"Clarke! seriously!" You shouted, cradling your bitten hand _again_. "What's wrong with you?" 

Clarke chuckles and grins watching you in pain. 

_Oh the nerve of this girl._

"I'm out of here," you stood up and felt a tug on your forearm. 

"Hey, boo. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry! I can't help it," Clarke patted the empty seat beside her and you reluctantly took the seat back with a gap in between. Which wasn't for long because Clarke came snuggling in again. 

"I love you, you know," Clarke whispered. 

"I know. I love you too." 

You know that it won't take long. You're almost reaching the end of the race. The 'one' is almost there within reach, extending her arms to you. It will only take a strong and piercing sprint to the finish line. The only ending that the both of you will have together side by side is right in front of the altar. 

 _It won't be for long,_ Lexa thought. 


End file.
